The Left Explained


Remember Professor William Jacobson (cradled above)?  He won Stinque’s Bad Law Professor of the Week Award. He flipped out over Barack Obama’s choice of mustard.  And now, he reveals that only he knows why The Left has problems with Sarah Palin.

It’s our hatred of one thing, and one thing only.


A Douchebag of the Day award might be in this guy’s future.


Quick sports TJ: Steve McNair, former outstanding QB for the Titans, found shot to death at a condo in Nashville at age 36. A woman’s body was also discovered at the scene. McNair retired from the NFL last year after a career of playing too many games with serious injuries.

Once again, The Question: Do folks like him really believe that shit?

The flock, of course — terrorists hate our freedom, and all that. But the spinners? Are they really that fucking stupid?

Really. I want to sit down with someone like Jacobson, and say as politely as I can: “You can’t be serious.”

@Dave H: Internets buzzing w/ rumors that the wife caught him w/ a 20 yr old. Woman scorned and all that.

Did you guys finish the Zombie Bible? I’m looking for something to translate…

OMG! Who did I Cor. 13? Genius!

JNOV: That was written by God — through the hand of one RML, methinks.

P.S.: Great illegal fireworks show up and down Lincoln Park right now. The whole lakefront is covered in a haze of smoke. (Indiana, once again, proves useful for something. Who knew?)

@chicago bureau: Ah. Well, I guess I’ll go make a movie mocking someone, then.

@blogenfreude: Sounds about right. I read an article that said he was seen coming and going from that condo a lot but no one could say whether he owned it. And the other woman killed was not his wife.

Somebody check Jenny Sanford’s alibi and make sure Gov. Sanford’s security detail has a picture of Michelle McNair.

And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hand’t been for that meddling Trig!

Its an amazing few days for news. The mind reels.

Big day at the deli, met expected volume for the first time, sustainability looking better than ever.

First major management crisis (other than having to fire the manager and jump in and do the managing). What to do, when you have a few employees you love, and they are part of this little cadre of good employees, only they are, well, hopelessly inept? Heart breaking, I don’t want to be a boss, I want to preside over a happy family.

@Promnight: Sorry, dude. You bought a new hat. You’ll find a way to manage them.

@chicago bureau:

Be kind to your web-footed friends
For a duck may be somebody’s mother…

Unfortunately, I can never remember the rest, or I would have sung along to the finale.

New big sparkly fireworks: way cool.

@nojo: My nieghborhood may be the world epicenter for private households shooting off professional style mortar fireworks.

Now here is my situation, I live in a lagoon neighborhood, laced with canals, so everyone has waterfront, though it might be a mile or more to open water. Almost every house is a vacation home, I am one of few year-rounders, so the summer people are maybe on a higher income level, by and large, then the all year people. They have $300,000 cigarrette boats and such toys. And they shoot off professional fireworks displays, totally illegal, but that does not bother me, I don’t think it should be illegal, but its so incredibly rampant and over the top, seriously, three houses, within blocks of me, put on displays the equivalent of municipal, professional displays. Its not like going to the town’s public fireworks, because we are in the center of multiple displays.

And I mean multiple, timed, professional mortar style chrysanthemums and the new trend is square, not circular, displays, and multiple changing colors, and all this within blocks, from a dozen houses.

Its fucking incredible. Yay, is all I have to say, Its great. I am just boggled that they get away with it.

But glad. Yay.

@Promnight: I take it you don’t have dogs.

Best fireworks I ever saw were in Margaretville, NY, set off by the volunteer firemen. M’villle is in the valley of the Esopus. The firemen would set something off, there would be bangs, then a long pause while they got the next thing ready. In the pauses, if you were standing halfway up the side of the valley, you could hear all the dogs barking for miles around.

Your staff situation sort of goes with the territory for any kind of food retail. You will most likely have to do everything yourself for the foreseeable future. If they actually show up for work you’re ahead of the game. But you can train them. It will take time but you can make them better.

@Benedick: I read that as Margaritaville in the valley of Esophagus.

@Benedick: Oh no, Benedick, I have a staff of the most wonderful young people I have ever seen, they restore my faith in humanity. They are all diligent, prompt, honest, and charming. But some are “ept,” and some, inept. When it gets hectic, some are cool and collected and handle it, some fall to pieces, not emotionally, but they just cannot do more than one thing at a time, and in food service, you have to be able to do a lot at the same time. My angst is that mi esposa and I already feel like parents to them all, and we are not big enough to find niches that the more limited could excel at, everyone in a little place has to be able to do everything, and it literally breaks my heart, that I have loyal, good, diligent, cheerful kids, but who just can’t seem to do what they need to be able to do.

I kinda have Mystic Pizza going on here, you should come observe, there is a play in it, I tell you, such extraordinary kids, each in their very different way, and they all have bonded and seem to so enjoy each other.

One is a snowboard teacher and lifelong surfer, tall blonde freckled athlete in the non-competitive, expressive sports, surfing, ski boarding, is a genuine hippie and wants to own a juice bar somewhere in the Caribbean when she grows up. She does not believe in money, wants to live in a barter society. Another, a 5′ 2″ athlete, a softball player, with the most amazing smile, wants to be a doctor, starting at a very good university after this summer. One who is not the brightest bulb, but the funniest thing, and so calm and happy, all the time, facing who knows what, her boyfriend is an 18 year old marine soon to be sent to Afghanistan. Another, a working class girl, a fundamentalist, went to Liberty Universty for a year but could not afford to continue, but, she is just a good decent kid, funny, works harder than anyone and never has to be told to do something, she scrubs and cleans when it is slow, without ever being told, she makes me feel lazy. Another , then youngest, I have christened “Lolita,” she is just beautiful, I think maybe from difficult circumtances, she acts the so naive innocent, but she is at that stage, where a young woman just becomes aware of her power, and is playing with it, flirts, thank god I am old enough to see it for what it is. But she is also so very adept, capable, can do anything asked, and is great with customers.

Mi esposa and I feel like they are our daughters, and truth be told, we are determined to keep the place going so they will not lose their jobs, more than for any hope of gain ourselves.

I am serious, Benedick, we have Mystic Pizza, a bunch of extraordinary kids, at that cusp in life, right when they start on their path through life, I cannot help but to feel so parental.

Their backgrounds are very diverse, their skills are diverse, they are all just charming and its impossible not to care for them, and thats what makes a great play, is it not, characters that you just can’t help but feel for.

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