Dispatches From Hell

Well, that only took two-and-a-half hours…

Server upgrades are not fun. And to make sure everybody Felt Our Pain, we tweeted the entire process. What? You weren’t paying attention? No matter. Here, let us rub your nose in it.

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Among other things, our guest columnist doesn’t realize that the clever “.tt” domain is owned by Trinidad and Tobago, which we imagine is located somewhere in Amercia.

Friend,

Would you like to help send Mitt Romney to the White House without ever leaving your home and earn free Mitt gear, too? Our “Volunteer for Mitt” program is up and running for supporters who can spare a few minutes to make personal calls to other voters across the country.

To thank you for your hard work and support for Mitt, the campaign will be giving away thank you gifts based on the number of calls made between Monday, June 4th and Saturday, June 9th.

Incentives are the following:

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Our guest columnist invites you to fuck on its products.

The Trump Home Mattress Collection by Serta® – Affordable Luxury Comes Home™.

Trump is a name synonymous with the upscale lifestyle, superior quality and success of Donald Trump and the Trump empire. Now, you can enjoy Trump luxury at home with the Trump Home Mattress Collection.

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Bristol Palin issues a silent cry for help:

While it’s great to listen to your kids’ ideas, there’s also a time when dads simply need to be dads. In this case, it would’ve been helpful for him to explain to Malia and Sasha that while her friends parents are no doubt lovely people, that’s not a reason to change thousands of years of thinking about marriage. Or that — as great as her friends may be — we know that in general kids do better growing up in a mother/father home. Ideally, fathers help shape their kids’ worldview.

Perhaps it’s time to start a Kickstarter campaign for Tripp’s therapy.

Hail to the Chiefs – Malia and Sasha Obama [Patheos]

Seniors love getting junk mail. It’s sometimes their only way of communicating or feeling like they’re part of the real world.” —Harry Reid, arguing in favor of a Postal Service reform bill on the Senate floor. [The Hill]

These photos are just heartbreaking:

25 People Who Think President Obama Killed Andrew Breitbart [BuzzFeed]