Fucking Airplane Windows — How Do They Work?

Our guest columnist is a globetrotting businessman who dabbles in politics.

I appreciate the fact that she is on the ground, safe and sound. And I don’t think she knows just how worried some of us were. When you have a fire in an aircraft, there’s no place to go, exactly, there’s no — and you can’t find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don’t open. I don’t know why they don’t do that. It’s a real problem. So it’s very dangerous. And she was choking and rubbing her eyes. Fortunately, there was enough oxygen for the pilot and copilot to make a safe landing in Denver. But she’s safe and sound.

Mitt Romney pulls in $6 million at Beverly Hills fundraiser [LAT]

Excuse me stewardess, but I speak Jive.

Romney “had lunch with ‘a very famous actor — very famous. Very liberal. I won’t tell you his name or he’d shoot me…'”

Heston’s dead, so I guess that leaves Clint Eastwood or Chuck Norris (who wouldn’t bother shooting, he’d just punch through Romney’s chest cavity and remove some of the batteries).

Why don’t airplane windows open? How dumb can this guy be?

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Ranked as the dumbest fuck ever to sit on the Supreme Court.

I mean, seriously… If I were his campaign manager, I would not allow this guy to open his mouth until the day after the election.

How sad is it that this guy’s entire plan for turning his campaign around is premised on him doing well in the debates.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: The question isn’t whether a 64-year-old Justice pays attention, but whether twenty-something applicants do.

Since I count a State Law School among my clients, you’d think I might know that, but nobody tells me anything. Except to move thumbnails up and down a page.

@Serolf Divad:
Based on what I saw in the GOPer debates, Mittens is going into an intellectual gunfight armed with a spork.

Mr Cyn was fretting last night that Romney has had more recent debate experience and that this might somehow work in his favor. I pointed out that he had not outright won any of those debates, and his opponents were by far the intellectual inferiors of our kittens.

@Dodgerblue: Anyone who’s ever flown commercial and listened (even once) to the oxygen mask safety demonstration pretty much understands why airplane windows don’t open, so either he’s never flown commercial or has always ignored the stewardess.

@Mistress Cynica: “and his opponents were by far the intellectual inferiors of our kittens” Wonderful! I love you.

Well, Governor Romney, one reason why airplane windows don’t open is to protect airplane passengers from dolts like you.

I saw this someplace else (I know, shocking) and my first thought was this very headline. Should I be worried or has that plane flown? (see what I did there?)

@Benedick: I was an hour or two late to it, and I was shocked that the headline hadn’t shown up in my Twitter timeline.

@Mistress Cynica: I have a hard time remembering anything Mitt said, other than the $10,000 bet. Get him off-script, and America’s going to explode with popcorn.

Wow, what asshole doesn’t know the answer to this question? Mitthole, that’s what asshole! Everyone knows that windows don’t roll down on airplanes because there are so few bathrooms everyone would be pissing out the windows at 35,000 and pulling back dick icicles and panicking and freaking out the other passengers.

@nojo: Debates will be fun. Whiskey or weed?

@Dodgerblue: I have a six-pack of Sierra Nevada Porter reserved for next week.

@nojo: I have some pretty good tequila that’s just holding down a shelf. I’ll see if they still have limes at the Farmers Market.

@nojo: Your headline was my response when a friend sent me the Gawker link, and I swear I hadn’t visited stinque yet. Great minds, etc.

@Dodgerblue: Hopefully Mr. SFL will have his medicinal marijuana prescription by then. Even if he doesn’t I think it will be weed here so I don’t stroke out from my blood pressure going through the roof.

@Dodgerblue: Drink responsibly. Mr Cyn got a DUI after Obama’s poor performance in the first debate against McCain. I still blame McCain.

According to Michelle Obama, the first debate falls on the same day as the Obamas’ twentieth wedding anniversary:

“We don’t campaign together because it’s just more efficient to be in other locations, so I’m sure I’ll be flying in from somewhere and he’s flying in from somewhere else, so I’ll see him right before and I’ll watch him on stage,” she said. “I’ll give him a kiss after the debates and [say], ‘Happy Anniversary.’

“I’m going to make him write it on his hand. ‘Love you, honey’ so that when he waves, it makes ‘I love you honey,'” she added.

It’s a cute idea, but perhaps too reminiscent of Sarah Palin’s “lift American spirits” episode.

@mellbell: And Mitt could write “10110011” on his hand. It would be adorable.

@Mistress Cynica: As you should. Republicans must be blamed.

@mellbell: Just go ahead and break my heart. I just watched his UN speech and all I have to say is that french blue violet silk foulard tie was flawlessly knotted into an exquisitely fitted shirt collar. Is he the most dreamy pres ever? I would urge a more Tom Ford tailoring on him since he’s got the pencil look goin on (skinny pants and big shoes. be still my heart. show me the moves my man) but what the hay. He’s got my vote. Pres O’Dreamy. Lincoln O’Toole. F.D.Aaarrrrrrrhhhhgg!

@Benedick: I have never had a suit fit me that well, and never will.

@Dodgerblue: Darling, let me come with you to your next fitting. We’ll do male bonding. I’ll tell them how to shorten the collar and let out some room in the crotch. Dressing left or right we all need some room.

@Benedick: I’m tall and need long-rise jeans or I’ll strangle myself. With suits, they always want to put a pad in one shoulder because I tend to stand crooked, but I figure I’m big as a fucking house already and I don’t need to look bigger. Have I mention that my wife is 5-0 and can still fit in her junior high pants?

Add a Comment
Please log in to post a comment