An Evening With Smithers

Four years ago, after spending a few days thoroughly enjoying the zany mishaps of the budding Sarah Palin candidacy, she grabbed somebody else’s speech by the horns and schooled us in the dangers of believing our own caricatures. And in an alternate universe where Mitt isn’t shitting his magic underwear over the Wingnut base, Chris Christie might have given us similar pause.

But Christie’s not up tonight. Instead, Mitt chose a physically overcompensating brown-nosing weenie whose claim to fame is seriously advocating those Death Panels you’ve been hearing about. So while you join us for our GOP Convention Open Thread/Dog Whistle-Off tonight, just remember: Paul Ryan makes Sarah Palin look competent.


It’s a sad state of affairs when Dick “DICK” Cheney is considered the high watermark of GOPer VP picks.

Rand Paul does a killer Seinfeld impression.

@nojo: Sorry… I missed that. Rand Paul said “donuts.”

Mmmm…. donuts…. [slobbering]

Pro Tip — if you get “a lump between chin and belly-button,” as Rand Paul just said, go see a doctor.

BTW: the immigrants Rand Paul’s talking about? Cambodian donut-makers and Vietnamese boat refugees. Intriguing, that.

Oh wait — Rand Paul just called for defense spending cuts. NOT ON MESSAGE….

That’s it. I’m calling it. Rand Paul’s running next go-round. BOOK IT.

@chicago bureau: He’s not running very far. That was fucking whiny.

Laura: “this is our opportunity to thank the people in Tampa.”

Well, you could have showed up and… oh, no, wait….

And Steve “Mistakes Were Made” Schmidt. There ya go.

Required humorous “I wish it were different” line delivered — and here we go.

See, the Republicans will never accept coming from behind.

ADD: MLB Gameday app running in the background on my iPad, with PBS coming to me on over-the-air digital TV to my 15 year old Sharp 20″.

It’s Early Evening in America.

Not the week to be talking about media leaks, I figure. But, then, I have a working brain. Silly me.

We’re in debt. Don’t you dare cut defense.


U.N. Check.

Seal Team Six leaks. Check.

Uncontextual defense-budget comments. Check.

McCain’s a regular Cavalcade of Memes tonight.

Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran…

El Toro leaves a vapor trail on a 3-1 count fastball, and the Bucs are up by three over the Red Birds.

/sport jack

Frothy Mix is doing a lot of whining on News Hour. Just claimed that he suggested Ryan to Romney, then walked it back when Judy asked him if that was really true. Ricky’s still an idiot.

Would it be cruel to call Romney The Mountain Meadows Capitalist?

Dear MSNBC: We get it. You’re liberal. You don’t need to run an extended Elizabeth Warren interview in the middle of the GOP convention to prove it.

Programming note: Zzzzzz. But fear not, Huck’s up soon.

@FlyingChainSaw: Can we make “Bain” a verb? As in when “the workers at in the new spin-off are going to get Bained.”

“Wallow in the mud of the media.”

Huh. He’s making bank.

Kind of a hard pitch on “vote for a Mormon” here.

Does anyone know the Japanese expression for sycophant? The literal translation means the turds that stick to the rectums of gold fish. That is my image of Paul Ryan. I think that he can live up to it too.

@nojo: I take it back. It’s like Mitt’s only serving Diet Coke backstage.

Ok. If I must I will repeat the Angels in America joke.

“Since they worship the angel Moroni shouldn’t they be called Morons?”

I could be paraphrasing.

And plus: balls of steel, guys, balls of steel. I’m off to bed.

Dunno how you people can watch … watching Luther again. Best of the BBC.

Lotta 2016 campaigns being launched this week. Not very well, but still.

Man, am I ever screwed. If I ever run for POTUS, I’m going to have to address the crowd in Gaelic. And Finnish.

So Martinez had to protect herself from bingo players with a REVOLVER? Shit — Grannies in New Mexico must be hard-core. There must have been mahjong gangs roaming the streets, pinching the cheeks of kids who were on the wrong turf.

Anytime you wanna talk about Paul Ryan, Susanna — go right ahead. Let ‘er rip.

Sheesh — Paul Ryan was so busy giving himself enough rope. And then Code Pink gives us a break by injecting themselves AGAIN.


@chicago bureau: Think you’ve got it bad? Imagine addressing a political rally in German. That’s gonna go over real well.

If you weren’t paying attention — and good for you! — the moment the crowd exploded was when Ryan bashed Obamacare. If the Republicans want to position themselves as the saviors of Medicare, this is gonna be really fun.

Hey, there’s Scott Walker lying about the GM bailout!

@nojo: Up is down, left is right, black is white, the sky is green and the grass is blue. Somewhere in early 2004, the Bushbots discovered that it makes no difference at all if they tell Big Lies. If you get caught telling a whopper, double down and lie harder.

@¡Andrew!: I’d have to Google it, but Iraq-era Republicans loved talking about creating their own reality. (Also: Cheney’s line about deficits not mattering.) They’ve had lots of practice in political postmodernism since then.

In happier news, I’m finally watching the closing ceremonies for the London Olympics and–holy FSM–my favorite performance is George Michael belting out Freedom and rockin’ the leather bear look. The backup singers and band are sensational! I’m about to start singin’ into my hairbrush in front of the bathroom mirror!

@¡Andrew!: Are you getting an unedited feed? Because NBC cut the Who.

Also: Brian. May. Fucking. Rocks.

@nojo: Scuttlebutt is it was Karl Rove who uttered the infamous line (we’re an empire, we create our own reality, etc.), but it reads more like Donald Rumsfeld.

“Rmoney won’t duck tough issues on the economy.”

No, Ryan he already has on his TAX RETURNS. Just follow the trail of urine.

@nojo: My hubby downloaded all 7,000 hours of the BBC’s complete HD, Dolby 5000 coverage. The opening and closing ceremonies are like the greatest stoner rock opera ever. Fatboy Slim riding a gigantic 50 foot inflatable octopus? Sure, why not!

And I’m told there was Sport, too.

@¡Andrew!: Where can one download this? (I watched it streaming live from the Beeb, but Mr. Cub had something pesky called a job to work at and refused to see even a part of NBC’s shitty coverage.)

Also: George Michael — meh. He looks more like a dirty old man to me than anything I’d want to see at the Atlanta Eagle.

@¡Andrew!: Weren’t they devised/staged by Danny Boyle?

@Benedick: The opening was; I can’t remember who did the closing.

@rptrcub: (cough) (cough)

And George Michael is indeed a dirty old man, but damn that performance was electrifying. I definitely credit his band, backup singers, and the special fx crew for a good part of that.

@Benedick: I know he did the opening, not sure about the closing.

@Benedick: @rptrcub: @¡Andrew!: According to ye olde Wikipedia, it was quite the collaborative effort: choreographer of the Concert for Diana, stage and costume designer for Covent Garden et alia, director of Billy Elliot, composer for Sherlock, architect of The Wall Tour, etc.

@mellbell: In other words: Limeys.

(P.S. It is not allowed at Covent Garden to call anyone ‘darling’ backstage. On account of how it is demeaning.)

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