Lite Guv Douche (Pronounced Doo-Shay?)

Former Ess Eff Mayor and current California Lieutenant Governor Gavin Newsom apparently has enough time on his hands (and product on his hair) that he doesn’t need to actually be in the state’s capital to do his job. As my fellow Kalifornication resident DodgerBlue as my witness, I regularly refer to the capital of Our Nation’s Largest State as “Excremento” – nonetheless, if you are elected to the second highest statewide office, is it really too much to ask that you spend more than one day a week in the capital city?

Apparently if you have a do-nothing job that gives you time for gelling your hair on your new tee-vee show (on Current-TV? Bwaa ha ha ha!), spurning the use of the offices that are given to you in the state office building in San Francisco in lieu of having the State pay more money so  you can hang out at a dot-com two blocks from the baseball stadium and one of the restaurants you own, and commuting from the home in Marin County you moved to days after your term as mayor ended, then yes, it is way too hard to get on State Route 37 between Novato and Vallejo, and then on to Sac, because to be working more than one day a week in Sac is like, oh my Gawd, so UGH! How am I ever going to get back to the bars on Chestnut Street in time for happy hour with my bros from my Santa Clara U. frat, even with the CHP escorting me and taking the toll roads all the way on I-80?  You know I’ll so get caught up in that clusterfuck of traffic between Hercules and Berkeley.

Ugh, God! Maybe it’s better that I never go to my office.

Or rather, to quote Mayor Lite Guv. Good Hair directly about having to go to Sacramento for his FUCKING JOB THAT SENT HIM THERE:

“Sadly, I just, UGH, God!”

I am so looking forward to watching Kamala Harris wipe the dance floor with his idiot ass in the next Governor’s race. Oh Gavin, how you are the Rick Perry of the Democratic Party. At least you’re not allegedly shooting critters while jogging.

Yet.

[Sac Bee]

14 comments:

6:33 am • Wednesday • May 30, 2012

How did this nitwit get elected mayor of your once-great city?

8:34 am • Wednesday • May 30, 2012

Quick! Someone check his Twitter for dick pics.

9:12 am • Wednesday • May 30, 2012

@Dodgerblue: Because the liberal wing of the Democratic party can’t seem to get its shit together enough to unite in support of one candidate and instead devolve into a circular firing squad of identity politics, which allows somebody like him to get in. He was forced into a runoff in his first race by the Green Party candidate, though. After handing out marriage licenses in 2004, nobody serious from the left was willing to challenge him for reelection.

@matador1015: Naah, he already boinked his appointments secretary/wife of his campaign manager during his reelection campaign. The grossest part was his trustafarian girlfriend/now wife went on a local blog to defend him by saying that it wasn’t his fault, when the other woman showed up at his apartment falling down drunk, he took her upstairs and of course one thing led to another and he boinked her.

9:15 am • Wednesday • May 30, 2012

@SanFranLefty: I know LA isn’t that close to your wheelhouse, but I listen to a lot of LA-based podcasts, and I hear more than a few complaints about Antonio Villaraigosa – I am aware that there was an affair and a self-serving name change (from Tony Villar) – is he an awful human being? Has he done good?

9:16 am • Wednesday • May 30, 2012

@SanFranLefty: and you already answered part of the question … thanks.

9:25 am • Wednesday • May 30, 2012

@blogenfreude: I’m sure Dodgerblue has some thoughts to share on his mayor. Villaraigosa had a couple affairs with reporters, and pulled a Newt and had an affair with a friend of his wife when his wife was undergoing treatment for cancer. Dodger can correct me on this, but I wouldn’t necessarily characterize the name change as completely self-serving — my understanding is that the last name happened when he married a woman with the last name of Raigosa, and they both combined their names rather than hyphenating or she changing her name (or not changing her name). I actually think that’s pretty progressive for a man to do that upon marriage and not have the woman be the one dealing with the DMV and Social Security with name change BS. I believe Antonio was his first name all along from birth, but as a kid he had gone by a more Anglo-sounding nickname until he went to college (i.e. Barack as “Barry”).

9:27 am • Wednesday • May 30, 2012

Power–it’s all gone to his heads.

9:57 am • Wednesday • May 30, 2012

@SanFranLefty: More cynical Angelenos say Tony changed his last name to garner Hispanic votes, but I don’t know.

10:41 am • Wednesday • May 30, 2012

@blogenfreude: I have mixed feelings about Villaraigosa. Yes, he has a zipper problem, and when he gets off-message, and in particular off the 5×7 index cards that his staff prepares for him, he can seem like a rambling airhead. But he does care about working people and hasn’t forgotten his roots. I’ve been in some meetings with him where he’s been sharp, direct, funny, and delightfully obscene. I’d probably support him for Gov, should he decide to run.

11:10 am • Wednesday • May 30, 2012

@blogenfreude: I don’t think so, honestly. Pre-mayor he was doing work with la gente and so it probably wasn’t necessary – he already had the votes. Frankly it may have scared off some gringos with him having a more “ethnic” name.

@Dodgerblue: I’d vote for him over Lite Guv McDreamy in the primary, if it came down to those two.

11:13 am • Wednesday • May 30, 2012

@SanFranLefty: Is your pal Kamala Harris (Cal AG) going to run?

1:57 pm • Wednesday • May 30, 2012

@I’m passing for white: Cocaine–it’s all gone to their heads.

4:42 pm • Wednesday • May 30, 2012

@Dodgerblue: I think that’s the plan, unless Obama summons her to DC. Replace Holder in the Administration’s second term?

6:09 pm • Wednesday • May 30, 2012

@¡Andrew!: She don’t lie, ¡Andrew!

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