Smells Like Teen Mitt
It’s not news that Mitt Romney was a vicious asshole as an 18-year-old boarding-school student in 1965. It’s not even character-defining, although we’ll admit to amusement that Mitt was a pro-Establishment college protester the next year. The reason Mitt’s dog story has legs is that he was a thirtysomething adult when he strapped Seamus to the roof of the family station wagon. And Mitt was a fortysomething adult when he stuffed his suit with money for a celebratory Bain photo. The clock on Youthful Indiscretion starts running out after 25.
Mitt is 65 now. And you would think, when confronted by a story from the distant past vouched by multiple classmates, that he would have a better response than this:
“Back in high school I did some dumb things and if anybody was hurt by that or offended by that I apologize,” Romney told FOX radio host Brian Kilmeade Thursday. “If I did stupid things, I’m afraid I’ve got to say sorry for it.”
Romney, 65, noted he graduated from high school nearly five decades ago, and said, “I’m quite a different guy now.” He admitted “I participated in a lot of hijinks and pranks in high school and some of them might have gone too far, and I apologize.”
You really have to hear that to understand how hollow it rings. (Try to ignore Kilmeade’s abject cocksucking.) It’s not just the casual chuckles that others have noted — boys will be boys! — it’s the sheer inability to own up to the horror of his transgression: A horror Mitt’s victim felt for the rest of his life, as well as some of Teen Mitt’s fellow bullies.
Apologizing for something you did in high school — especially when you’re 65 — is as close as you get to a free pass. If anything, you’re rewarded for playing up the anguish: “I’m deeply sorry,” Mitt could have said, in the most solemn baritone he can muster. “I did some stupid, hateful things in high school, and I would hope that I’ve long since grown out of it. All I can do now is ask the forgiveness of anybody I’ve harmed.”
See how easy that would have been? America loves a recovered sinner.
But that’s not what happened. And that’s the news from yesterday’s story: Not what Mitt did in 1965, but what he failed to do in 2012. Forget about Obama apologizing for America, Mitt. Learn how to apologize for yourself.