Potassium Propeller Beanie for Respected Irrationality in Public Life

The Judges wrestled with our newest category, roughly defined as “idiots who are taken seriously”, mainly because they feared that the ballot would be longer than a roll of toilet paper, which they seriously considered using. But finally they were able to skim off the cream of the crap.

The nominees are: Charles Krauthammer, representing the Washington Post editorial page, which has done more than any other journalistic institution to wrest the title of “Usual Gang of Idiots” from Mad magazine; David Gregory, representing Our Nation’s Political Journalists, who are taken seriously by nobody but themselves, but they do all the talking; Paul Ryan, representing every wingnut think-tank in the Beltway; and Newt Gingrich, who isn’t taken seriously by anybody, but you just can’t have a Propeller Beanie category without him.

And the winner is…

Paul Ryan. Thanks, PolitiFact!

Next hour: Bronze Batshit for Wackiest Republican Presidential Candidate

The 2011 Stinque Awards

I am proud to have suggested this so-obvious-it’s-invisible category, although the chemistry nerd in me might quibble with “potassium.” (It does include the word “ass,” though, which redeems it for literary reasons.)

@IanJ: I had to use something other than Platinum, which is reserved for lifetime achievement er, Pampers. My head hurts.

And to satisfy the chemistry nerd in you:

The gritty material on the side of a match-box is coated with red phosphorus. The match-head contains potassium chlorate and some red coloring. When the match-head rubs against the box, friction ignites the mixture of phosphorus and potassium chlorate.

So perhaps I should have chosen phosphorus instead of potassium, but the idea was that the propeller beanie blows up, which was appropriate to the category.

Yes, I really did research this beforehand.

@nojo: Oh, well if you wanted propeller beanie blows up, then potassium is a fine choice. It actually oxidizes quite quickly in the presence of water in the air (particularly, say, flop-sweat on a brow), basically the same way sodium does. Foom, and instant severe burns. Yay!

@IanJ: You can make candles light spontainiously with that and a quick-drying chemical whose name escapes me for a moment. I learned about it in a graduate stagecraft class.

Oh dear God, I turn my back and it turns into a geek-off. (And yes, Catt, I am including you.)

I must say, I’m missing George Will.

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