Bronze Batshit for Wackiest Republican Presidential Candidate

No, we sternly instructed the Judges, You cannot choose all of them. We tried to explain that Time would never choose everyone as Man of the Year, because that would just undermine the point of the exercise, but after the raucous laughter died down — and we threatened to withhold their Gift Bags — the Judges granted our point, and got down to work.

The nominees are: Michele Bachmann, who revealed that she’s one of those people who believes everything she reads in chain emails; Herman Cain!, who deployed the longest gap since Nixon; Jon Huntsman, who adorably expected everyone to take his serious candidacy seriously; Rick Perry, who revived one of our favorite Monty Python sketches; and Mitt Romney, who announced that he’s starring in a self-funded remake of Indecent Proposal.

And the winner is…

Democrats. Haha, just kidding. It’s Herman Cain! by a landslide, of course.

Next hour: Golden Anal Pear for Asshole of the Year

The 2011 Stinque Awards

Shelly Bachmann will always have my heart, though. Real contender this year.

The not-MSNBC ad offers the opportunity to see the Repug candidates “uncut”. The mind reels. I assumed to demonstrate fealty to Israel (and the end days per Revelations) they would have already taken care of this.

I don’t even want to think about Ms. Bachmann in this regard.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: Yeah, Herman blew out the field. But if he wasn’t around, Newt would have taken the nominee slot, and it would have been a tough call.

Why? Other than the HPV comment, Crazy Eyes has been relatively sane during the debates. Newt’s been on a wildman tear, and Perry has been totally unhinged, especially compared to expectations.

Bachmann may still have won a non-Herman field. But it wouldn’t have been a lock. That’s how Pam Geller took the Anal Pear last year. I surprised myself.

No matter how hard Mittens tries, he just doesn’t make the cut.

@ManchuCandidate: Ha! He can’t even win a “Most Hated By Drunken Liberals” contest.

Keep spending that dough, Mittens, if it’s going to you it isn’t going to the races in the House. Which is a meme the Left needs to start, frankly.

@ManchuCandidate: Even when he tries, Mitt can’t bring enough of the crazy to get the sociopath base to vote for him. Professional Christians will stay home in droves should he get the nod.

@blogenfreude: I wouldn’t depend on that just yet — there’s still a Kenyan Socialist Muslim in the White House, after all.

However: Fundies will be less enthusiastic about voting for a Professed Cultist. It’s not so much that they’ll stay home, but they won’t be as excited to vote. The difference will be on the margins, and margins count.

Wait. We include Huntsman – good-looking, rich, richer daddy, obvious contender – but ignore Frothy? I call dirty tricks. And not just in the underpants.

I could never warm to the Cain candidacy as it was so transparently an audition for Fox. He never had the feral nastiness of Bachmann nor her breath-taking powers of self-delusion. I also admired her stylists’ work.

@Benedick: obvious contender

That’s why we include him. He’s not. He never was. Yet everybody treated him like he was. Huntsman got far more publicity for his 2% polling than any similar basement-dweller.

Thus, his inclusion: Huntsman was existentially wacky.

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