Platinum Pampers for Best Sex Scandal
This was the year of the Sexless Sex Scandal — which would have disqualified the category, if not for Exceptional American Ingenuity. For in the grand tradition of Our Supressed Puritan Forefathers, even the thought of sex is enough to put points on the board.
The nominees are: Herman Cain!, who had 999 problems but bitches weren’t 994; Christopher Lee, who resigned faster than he could take off his shirt, setting in motion a chain of events that flipped a historically Republican district; and Anthony Weiner, whose name finally caught up with him.
And the winner is…
Anthony Weiner. Dude, he tweeted his dick.
Next hour: Potassium Propeller Beanie for Respected Irrationality in Public Life