Teabaggers’ Paradise

Who would have thought that sodomy-loving, latte-drinking Noo Yawk City would have been Ground Zero for what happens when government services are cut back to the bone, but apparently because the Sanitation Department lost a bunch of employees, streets weren’t getting snowplowed as quickly as usual (Exhibit A: Blogenfreude’s crazy pictures of West 30th Street yesterday).

The problem with streets not being plowed is that while the locals can strap on snow shoes or cross-country skis, it’s a bit of an issue for the sick, the pregnant, and the ambulances.

To wit:

Ambulances assigned the most serious of the calls sometimes could not get there. At least 200 ambulances got stuck on unplowed streets or were blocked in by abandoned cars, city officials said Tuesday. […]

Fire Department officials said they received a 911 call at 8:30 a.m. on Monday from a woman in labor in Crown Heights. But because her birth was not imminent, she was assigned a non-emergency status. […] At 4:30 p.m., a second call came in, saying there was bleeding and the baby was crowning. Police arrived first, after walking several blocks to the building. The baby was laid out on blankets and was not breathing. The umbilical cord was still attached.  The baby did not survive.

I’m waiting for the Paultards and Teabaggers (or Mayor Economic Efficiency Bloomberg) to explain why exactly we shouldn’t pay taxes to pay to have our streets plowed, or the ambulances able to go save mothers in labor, or the brain damaged old woman, or survivors of a house fire, profiled in the article.

Taxes are what we pay for a civilized society, to quote Justice Holmes.

[NYT: Snow Blocks Hundreds of Ambulances]

There’s a cop station on that street, so today they finally brought their own F250 w/ a plow and dug the cop cars and ticketing 3-wheelers out. The street still has not been plowed, and I’m pretty sure 73rd St., a block south of me, has not been either. Evening news was full of tales of impassable Brooklyn streets. Thanks Mayor-f0r-Life!

I’m waiting for the Paultards and Teabaggers (or Mayor Economic Efficiency Bloomberg) to explain why exactly we shouldn’t pay taxes to pay to have our streets plowed…

Bit of a strawman don’t you think???

No matter. I am in a great mood after the Vikings improbable victory over the Eagles locked in a bye and number 2 seed for my Chicago Bears.

BTW – there is a great tradition in Chicago that any time a mayor fails to get a city street plowed within a day or so – that mayor never serves in public office again for the rest of his or her life. It is time for New Yorkers to step up and recall Bloomberg.

Back to the Bears and my thoughts on a widely unobserved scenario in the games this week. Did anyone else notice that both New York Football teams lost to the NFC North over the weekend? As did Philadelphia and Miami? The East apparently has as much to learn from the Midwest Triangle about both snow and football.

Before Chicago Bureau weighs in, I wanted to get on the record regarding the playoffs and this weekend’s game in Lambeau –

While da Bears are undefeated in the Norris division for the season heading into the season finale in Green Bay, they face quite the conundrum. They have nothing to play for, and their best path to the Superbowl may be to lose to Green Bay – setting the potentially best team in the NFC loose as a wild card guided missile in the playoffs – to whit:

Green Bay goes to Philadelphia and knock off the Eagles in the wild card game, while the Bears enjoy the Minnesota Vikings Christmas gift of a bye week. Then the Bears beat New Orleans in a blizzard in Chicago while Green Bay knocks off Atlanta in Atlanta. Then the Bears beat Green Bay in the NFC Championship game in Chicago – again.

I hate to say it, but the Bears should rest their starters in Green Bay this weekend.


As I walk through the Valley of the Supply Side View,
I take a look at that life,
And realize there’s nothing left,
‘Cause I’ve been bitching and complaining so long
Believe even Medicaid isn’t paid by taxes.
But I ain’t never cut a service that didn’t deserve it.
Me be taxed like a chump, you know that’s unheard of (cause I’m “RICH” Damnit!!!)
You better watch who’s been taxing, and where you’re cutting,
Or you and your homies might be covered in snow,
I really hate to trip, but I gotta Loc,
As they croak I see myself in the upper class,
Fool, I’m the kinda g the little homie’s wanna be like,
On my knees in the night
Hoping things work out cause my skin is white.

We’ll be spending most our lives
Living in a Feudal Lord’s paradise.
We’ll be spending most our lives
Living in a Feudal Lord’s paradise.
We’ll be spending most our lives
Living in a Feudal Lord’s paradise.
We’ll be spending most our lives
Living in a Feudal Lord’s paradise.

The Paultards and Teabaggers will use this as an example of how gubberment doesn’t work. De-fund,defame and blame.

@Barrington Chadsworth IV: I was a Bears fan when the season started what with Jay Cutler, Matt Forte, and Greg Olsen on my fantasy team. I envisioned a rebirth of the greatest show on turf with Mike Martz calling the shots and Forte becoming the next Marshall Faulk. First two weeks went according to plan but then the offensive line played hookie for about 6 weeks, Cutler couldn’t hit water from from a battleship, and Forte averaged about 3.4 yards a game. So be careful, there is some mighty big choke potential hanging around for the Bears. One year at Vanderbilt, Jay Cutler lost to Middle Tennessee State to assure a 5 win season and guarantee another bowl-less post season for Vandy. I still kinda like the Bears though. Lovie Smith once coached here at Tennessee where he learned everything he knows about coaching and one of your all time greats Doug Atkins played at Tennessee. In any event, I’ll be pulling for your Bears against all but Philadelphia and Indianapolis where Tennessee Jesus plays QB.

@Barrington Chadsworth IV: I’ve only seen bits and pieces of a few NFL games, all of them seemed to feature Da Bears. They looked pretty unstoppable. Barring some stupid fuck up, they could easily get in to the Super Bowl.

And shall we discuss the horror show that is the west coast when the 6-9 (whatever it was) 49ers actually had a chance of making the playoffs until Sandy Eggo beat them? Glad that Singletary is gone.

@ManchuCandidate: Thanks. I had thought of trying to do a post like that with the lyrics from Gangsta’s Paradise but I couldn’t summon the creativity.

@JNOV: The Vikes beat the Eagles? How did that happen? I was out at a restaurant with friends but the bartender had the worthless Lakers on the TV.

@SanFranLefty: Back to your post (shocking, I know) — what kind of neighborhood is Crown Heights? Do poor folk live there? People who can’t afford helicopter service to a fine hospital? Then fuck ’em, dead babies are good for the Ruling Class.

@JNOV: I loved Rendell’s rant, especially the part about the Chinese doing calculus.

@Dodgerblue: Crown Heights historically was a Hasidic Jewish neighborhood smack in the middle of Brooklyn, in the 70s became majority Caribbean immigrant with a Jewish minority. It’s where there were the riots in the early 1990s after a guy driving in a rabbi’s motorcade hit and killed two black kids. During the riots a young Hasidic Jewish man visiting from Australia was killed.

Nowadays the folks who can’t afford Park Slope or the area around Prospect Park are moving east into Crown Heights, at least according to the New Yorkers I know.

@SanFranLefty: Oh yeah, I remember news of the riots. Did you see the story in the NYT about people in Israel getting pissed off about the free ride that the haredim (Black hats) get?

@Dodgerblue: I did. From a haredim rabbi who was kicked out of the [Er, something] party. He was like, get a g-d damn job!

@Dodgerblue: I always thought Rendell was kinda nutty, but now I’m certain.

It was pretty amazing. The Vikes had to start Joe Webb – their rookie third string quarterback – and were a 14 point underdog. Webb is a sixth round draft choice out of Alabama-Birmingham. Although he played as an option-style QB in college, he was drafted to play wide receiver. His first NFL start and he looked more like Michael Vick than Michael Vick did last night – throwing bullets all over the field, throwing and running for touchdowns. A star is born.

I don’t care about the wine-sipping Niner fans. They were too spoiled for too long. I’v never forgiven them for trying to arrest Mike Ditka in the eighties for throwing gum into the stands.

@Barrington Chadsworth IV: Cool. I had never heard of Webb before I saw the ESPN story this morning. Too bad the Lakers couldn’t have watched the game to see what it’s like when a team works hard. Those overpaid whiners. This is why I’ve given up on pro basketball until the playoffs.

Who is this Barrington Chadsworth fellow? I like the cut of his jib.

@Dodgerblue: the Lakers will be there in the end so you can watch them in the playoffs. The nba channel showed a few teams practicing during the off season. Even with 30+ movie channels, i was reduced to watching lakers and heat practices because most new american movies suck so bad. The Lakers were working hard to perfect their fast break offense. They were working to get the ball up court coast to coast without dribbling. That’s not easy, even against air. Even Ron Artest was working with the new white guy who will eventually take his job to understand his role in the offense. The Lakers were working hard before the season even started. The Heat on the other hand were lolligagging around, joking around, and missing layups. After one practice, LeBron warned their fans not to expect too much until later in the season when the Heat could finally gel. The Lakers were working on gelling right now. If you can’t tell, I’ve been a Lakers fan since the days of Jerry West and Kareem, who would still hoop michael jordan today, right now. Just like 70 year old Jim Brown gaining 100+ yards on most NFL defenses today in the snow.

@jwmcsame: Jerry West once said that Michael Jordan was underrated as a player.

@Barrington Chadsworth IV: here’s a walter payton story for you. jerry glanville was much hated by bears fans for something he said or did that i cannot recall. at the end of a bears-falcons game in chicago, your beloved and much civilized bears fans started throwing batteries at glanville and the falcons. walter was on the bears sideline and strode over to the falcons side where he stood next to glanville who wondered what he did to earn companionship from the then nfls leading rusher. walter told him: coach, as long as i’m standing here they won’t throw batteries at you.

tj/Mrs RML’s conservative Latina cousin is interviewing with our new Governor this morning for a cabinet secretary’s position over at the Department of Health. I shudder to think what kind of health policies our new GOP gov will try to enact in order to burnish her VP credentials for 2012 or 2016. My cousin by marriage comes from a public health background and slipped contraception into the schools past the Catlicks and mouthbreathing knuckle draggers who generally oppose such things. We’ll see what cuz is made of if she gets the gig. I’m going to ask to be appointed to a death panel.

@jwmcsame: There is a children’s book about the incident where a stadium full of idiots in Cincinnati were yelling racist crap at Jackie Robinson, whereupon white southerner and Dodger shortstop Pee Wee Reese walked across the infield and put his arm around Jackie’s shoulders. The stadium went dead quiet.

@Dodgerblue: did he mean baseball player, or playa like at the casino? I saw michael jordan here in rocky top play in a minor league game for birmingham, alabama where he doubled in one at bat and made a diving catch in centerfield like I used to do. I never saw him gamble though. Jordan is only fifth best all time in my astute rankings which go like this:
1. Kareem
2. Magic
3. Bill Russell
4. Bernard King
5. MJ

Anybody care to see my top 5 nfl player rankings?

@jwmcsame: I’m clearly older than you. Oscar Robertson belongs there.

@Dodgerblue: i’ve heard of that. from that moment on, the dodgers gelled and finally went on to win a world series against you know who either that year or next. in the american league, many white players (the only kind then) were angry that jackie and then larry doby would open doors they felt best closed and take jobs away from the white players (sounds like they were tea bagging when tea bagging wasn’t cool, huh?). pitchers from many other teams made idle threats about hitting larry when he came to bat everytime and eventually knocking him out of baseball. when Indians teammate Bob Feller got wind of these idle threats, he let it be known in no uncertain terms that if a pitch even got close to larrys head he would not just throw at or near the next batter, he would not just hit the next batter, but he would hit the other teams next batter square in the head with a 90 mph (at least) fastball, killing or hospitalizing that batter. no one threw at larry that year.

@jwmcsame: No Iceman George Gervin or David Robinson?

Kareem will always be at the top of my list of All-Time NBA players.

JNOV and SFL: sorry, I obviously need to expand the rankings.
But check this out:
Tucker Carlson says Michael Vick should have been executed for his canine troubles. I say Vick has paid his dues and from recent interviews, he is obviously a changed man. But I would like to propose this for Tucker Carlson. Let’s all go in on a ticket for Tucker to go see the first playoff game in Philadelphia. He will be so wholeheartedly welcomed by the infamous Philly fans that we will never ever have to suffer his drivel again. He will never be heard from again if he bothers to show up at the game. I’ll wager he doesn’t even survive pre-game tailgating. Let’s go in on two tickets and maybe he can take a date from False Noise with him and they both will never be heard from again. Whatta Y’all say?

@jwmcsame: I doubt Vick is changed–sociopaths don’t and can’t change, IMO. I don’t think he should have been executed, but especially after reading this article about his victims I sure as hell don’t think he ought to be a millionaire football player MVP. Every single time he takes the field, I hope for a career-ending injury–preferably one that leaves him in constant pain. (That was the only thing that kept last night’s game from being perfect). The only reason he got a “second chance” is because he’s good at Sport and can make rich white men a whole lotta money.
All of this goes double for that rapist Roethlisberger or however you spell that name I can’t be bothered to google.
Yes, I’m a bad person, and I don’t care.

@Mistress Cynica: Why are you a bad person for hating and wishing bad thoughts upon a rapist and a sociopath who tortured and killed animals? That sure as hell doesn’t make you a bad person in my book.

@SanFranLefty: I suppose a really good person (think Flippin’) would never wish harm on anyone. I’m just not that evolved.

If no one else will go there then I will. Since I am in work-shock and barely rational. What Vick did was loathsome and detestable. Let’s hope that his reformation is real – isn’t that the whole point of prisons v dungeons?

And now let’s all go enjoy our holiday ham/veal/turkey/chicken/capon/goose/duck/rabbit/dog/bear/moose/deer/chimp/salmon/cod.

See what I did? I carved out a whole new space of better -than-thou and shoved myself right up its arse.

Over to you Capt Kirk.

@Benedick: @SanFranLefty: See? A truly good person would say something like that, but sincerely.

@Mistress Cynica: Sorry to hit a raw nerve. I once chased down on foot a motorcyclist for running over my dog. I was 10 years old but cut through a yard to catch the motorcyclist and ran in front of him daring him to hit me. That’s emotion. I could have out run any man on the planet that day. The motorcyclist was evidently impressed by all that and stopped, turned around and parked his bike in front my dog to protect him from the traffic until Dad could take him to the vet. Friskie survived. I feel your pain. Your anger is just. What Vick did was terrible, but I think (don’t know for sure) he has changed and can use his life story if he truely has changed to help prevent others from doing the same in the future. Most folks deserve a second chance and I think Vick is one of those folks, not because he plays football better than most but because if he can rise from the depths where he was to become today evidence that we all are not forever defined by our past bad deeds and can make amends, then that gives us all hope to live better lives. On the other hand, if he killed my dog, I’ll bet I could chase him down even on the football field now 38 years from the last time I caught that bike. As for Been Ruthless…, he’s very lucky he’s not doing some hard time for rape. Terry Bradshaw agrees:
But, you gotta admit, a little bit of good natured harm to Tucker Carlson wouldn’t be a bad thing until he reformed himself of course. Sorry if I offended you, but often my alleged humor does that like Sam Kinison used to do. At least it makes folks think even if it ain’t so funny.

@Benedick: I fucked it all up to start with. I apologize to all for the buzzkill. I’ve always enjoyed this site. Sorry if i prevented others from doing the same today.

@jwmcsame: We love you. There’s never any buzzkill here. FYI. I stopped eating meat because my most beloved dog had been put to death in my arms and on my way home thought it ridiculous to even contemplate grilled chicken legs for dinner. Most of us here have companion animals with whom we are besotted, irrational and proud. My only point is why is Dutch the dachshund different from Dutch the pig? Not to get on my high horse (which I will do at the drop of a hat and without any billable hours – lookin’ at you dodge) but I don’t see any difference. True story: flying to Iceland and sitting next to fisheries/oil guy, when presented with menu he wouldn’t contemplate the salmon; “I’ve worked it and I won’t eat it” he said. I ate it shamefacedly. Note to self: Why are fish different?

I don’t know Michael Vick. His reformation might be very real or very venal. I have no idea. But isn’t the point of our justice system to offer the hope of reform? Meantime, let’s all piss on Tucker cause he brings the ass to asshole.

@Benedick: Wait, we were pissing on Tucker Carlson? Why didn’t you tell me while we were doing it? You kill my joy.

@jwmcsame: Are you kidding me? We love a good bru-ha-ha-ha here. Benedick and I often make up little tiffs because we are amused by the sound of our own fingers typing and like to sharpen our wits on each other. Plus, he is jealous of my taste in flatware.

I’d be surprised if I went on Stinque and nobody was bitching at each other about something. Disappointed, even.

@jwmcsame: Please don’t apologize–I over-reacted because I had been in a different discussion about Vick this AM and was still worked up. Like you, I would rip out the heart of anyone who harmed one of my fur-babies (Glad Friskie was OK). I do eat meat, but rationalize it by paying top dollar to farmers I know personally who have demonstrated to my satisfaction that the piggy/sheep/cow/chicken in question had a lovely and fulfilling life running free in a pasture, and never knew what hit it.
@Benedick: I’m not being snide here, I really want to know: what do vegans think should happen to domesticated livestock? If they are not raised for food, what becomes of them? I can’t see them running free on the prairie or in national parks. This is the sort of thing I worry about. When a friend’s neighbor complained about the chickens he kept for eggs, my friend took the birds up to his vineyard, having no place else for them. Hawks ate them in a matter of hours–all of them were gone by the next day. The survival skills of chickens are pretty minimal.

@Mistress Cynica: Darling, je suis not a vegan. I tried and it is hard. As the bishop said to … No but really. I don’t think our bodies are built to be vegan. I got so crazed I wouldn’t wear leather shoes and it was ugly. That stopped when I came home from giving my art to a restless public to find the OH trying to make a Thanksgiving dinner from a tofurkey faux turkey roast. It was hideous. I am the man who would bone chickens and stuff them with the essence of liver and fat, sew it up and braise it. And love everything about the cooking of meat, taste, aroma, grease, etc.

But the answer to your question is that those animals wouldn’t exist. They are bred into existence to provide flesh for our Big Max. And in that process they are treated with a savagery that speaks ill of our much vaunted humanity. I eat eggs that I am assured have not come from hens tortured to death in cages with their beaks clipped and claws grown into their cages but who knows?

I see our local turkey flock make their way about the hill above the house and admire their determination. They’re not stupid. They’re also not the bloated white feather balls too heavy to stand we find in the Pricemart. We have invoked beings: intelligent and noble bulls to be hunted in the rings in Spain in a demonstration of such disgusting savagery that there is no reason to watch the films of Almadovar. In France they torture the noble goose who saved Rome and yet we hunt truffles. Think of cats hunted for their meat. That was known as ‘roof rabbit’ by the Dutch during the terrible starvation winter of hunger of 44.

When we don’t flay cows alive I’ll talk about the way animals hunt each other. Alert me when Grey Falcons are seen at your AP.

Another dispatch from Greater Teabagistan:

Florida courts running out of money due to drop in foreclosure filings

Nothing quite like underfunding a court system for a decade then deciding that “gridlock” requires a special rubberstamp “kick out the deadbeats” court

@Benedick: Thanks. I hope you understand that I absolutely refuse to eat factory-farmed meat/eggs/dairy because I am horrified by those practices. I think it is permissible to eat animals that are humanely raised or hunted, but that’s my own personal rationalization. Living where I do, I’m actually able to know, for sure, where my meat/eggs came from and exactly how they live and die. I know those raising them personally. I still think I’m a coward because I should be willing and able to kill something if I’m going to eat it. I want to be RML, but hey, who here doesn’t?

@Mistress Cynica: My rationalization is the same as yours – I was a vegetarian who ate fish for almost 15 years, and then I went locavore after experiencing Argentinian grass-fed beef.
Now I’m at a very Michael Pollan-esque attitude, no factory farm, know the farmer who tenderly raised the cows or chickens. They are more expensive, which means I eat way less of them, which is better for my health and the planet.

@jwmcsame: No need to apologize. If I didn’t believe that people can’t be measured by their worse deed and that there is no hope of redemption or rehabilitation, I wouldn’t be doing my day job. But if you look at the mental health research, there’s just a level of pathological sadism that is associated with torturing animals (and children) that is incredibly hard – it can be done, but it’s hard – to rewire and undo the sickness in the brain that leads to that behavior. I dunno if sitting for a year in federal prison and filming some PSAs for the Humane Society really was enough to rewire Vick’s brain and create a sense of empathy, instead of an overwhelming sense of entitlement. Since professional sports breeds a sense of entitlement, I am hesitant to assume that he is actually rehabilitated, or if he just has a good PR specialist on staff. I love Sport, but I also hate what it has become because of capitalism.

So throw bombs away, buddy. Stick around.

@Mistress Cynica: I suppose a really good person (think Flippin’) would never wish harm on anyone.


*wipes tears*


@flippin eck: I forgot you’d just spent time with the relatives. ;-)

@SanFranLefty: I don’t are what Vick thinks. We can’t really ever know that anyway. What I care about is an objective thing that we can measure amd test: that he never mistreats animals again.

@Mistress Cynica: If by “wish harm” you mean that I would cause the rellies a little emotional sadness because next year they’ll be sitting around the same cold, depressing rented firebarn for the Christmas party while I’m sipping lovely cocktails with friends while I recline poolside in Hawaii, then absolutely.

I agree that Vick did get his “second chance”–he got to leave jail and resume making a shit-ton of money by playing Sport. But said second chance should not include getting to have another dog.

Also, can someone please explain to me why in the hey-ell Obama got involved in this whole mess? I thought we were all focusing on Big, Important Issues now in preparation for the incoming teabagger Congress. Is he going to weigh in on the new name for the Big 10 Howevermany Conference next?

@flippin eck: @Mistress Cynica:
Just thought I’d close the loop with a link to the latest Taiwanese Animation treatment – specifically on the Good Vick/Bad Vick/ Obama weigh in.

I now use these animations as a scale by which to measure my cultural clued-in-ed-ness. If they take the time to produce an animation and I don’t know what they are talking about, I know I have fallen hopelessly behind the cultural curve.

edit:link fixed. I think

@Barrington Chadsworth IV: Never behind the curve, Barrington, but your link is borked, so maybe…

Ahhh. Fixed!

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