God, We Need a Drink

Our guest columnist is a Beefeater copywriter from 1965, reminding us what we should have done before watching Bristol Palin on Dancing With The Stars last night.

How do you find the time to serve a great martini, especially in a home with small children? Some household rules have been found to help:

First, let the head of the house assume the responsibility for the martini. You can, of course, get someone else to do it — a paid hand on a yacht, a butler if you possess one.

Second, slow down when you come into the house. Say hello to the children and everyone else around. It is a big thing, usually, when the head of the house comes home — that’s why everyone clamors for your attention.

Third, sommon the children just before you mix the martini. Announce to them that it is now the grownups’ hour — and they are to pursue their play elsewhere. The martini hour is for those who are going to drink martinis.

These are only suggestions, but you can see their object: to assure to you the hour that is needed to engage in the quiet talk that ends a busy day and begins an enjoyable evening.

Note: If you are bound for the theater, or if you are dining out, we suggest you not be tempted into violating this routine. Allow the same time for chilling your glassware and confine your cocktail hour to drinking one great martini, properly enjoyed. Better any day than two lukewarm failures.

The Grownups’ Hour [Mister Crew, via Daring Firefall]

Daddy, are they making a baby in that picture?

It looks like she is dry humping his hip.

My heart goes out to the poor guy trying to make her look like she can dance. Hell of a way to have to earn your weeks for health insurance.

@Serolf Divad:
Yes. The exact moment when 2nd son Twist was conceived.

So much for showing off modesty and chastity. Nice fake out, Bristol. Just like mom.

/Emergency Lady in Red palate-cleanser/

Look. at. Shelly. Stunning, sexy, classy, and doing America proud!

The Mother couldn’t bother to show up for her daughter’s moment?
Bristol said mama grizzly would be there. Not even daddy or the siblings?
So sad.

The ladies in my office say Bristol can’t dance. Her major move was an attempt at a shimmy, which she failed to pull off. My team of expert observers (an *executive* secretary and our receptionist/my 1/4 time secretary) said she was also clearly nervous and insecure and Bristol’s buzz was overshadowed by her mother, whom the ladies say is opposed to this dance thing. Costume: Bristol came out dressed like mom, pulled off the tearaway and had the red thing on underneath.

@redmanlaw: She could have done much better to just wear a short dress without underwear and do cartwheels for a minute and a half. Then she could run for senate someplace.

@flippin eck and Mistress Cynica: Thanks for the palate cleanser. I’m not such a huge fan of the shiny thing, though I give Shelly points for wearing something above the knee instead of a princess dress. The red one…I love the color on her and agree with T&Lo that she should wear the color more often, and I like the the top showing off her shoulders, but then I come back to the overall cut of the dress like I do on so many things Shelly Oh wears. Again, I painfully and personally understand the problems of the high-waist on the tall girls (that Mad Man-esque dress I showed you a while ago, flippin’, I went ahead and got it – it would look terrific on someone who’s 5’3″ but I shit thee not the waist was under my boobs because there were only like four inches of fabric between the armpit and the waistline, and it looked like an empire dress) but when you’re getting something custom made like this was, you’d think that they’d put enough fabric in the torso section of the dress so that the waist actually hits the hips and waist. It’s a lovely, tasteful dress and would have been a hit out of the park had it actually been cut to fit her. (Unless, of course, Kors was going for an empire waist look, which then is just dumb because unless a woman has a major eating disorder, she’s going to look pregnant and/or like she’s wearing a mumu if she’s in an empire waist dress).

@SanFranLefty: I am no fashionista, but I have wondered about the high-waist thing. I mean, she’s what, 6-1? And with a great body. Why not show off the long waist?

@Dodgerblue: I don’t understand why it’s so hard to get her in something that shows it off. Granted, it’s hard for tall girls like me and flippin’ because we’re shopping at regular stores (Target in my case) where the stores have limited tall sections, but at least have at least figured out how to do tall pants with long rises and long legs, though retail stores still seem to struggle with handling long waists. But Michelle? She’s got these designers salivating to dress her, you’d think they could at least take her measurements to the extent of measuring the distance from her armpit to her waist and hip (I can’t remember what that measurement is called). It’s only a couple of extra inches of fabric, but what a difference it would make. The shiny dress she’s wearing works more on that angle simply because it’s tight and shows off her smoking hot body (including that long waist).

/as the str8 men on this site now finally click on flippin’s link to see tight shiny dress showing off Shelly’s smoking hot body…

@Benedick Arnuldsson Manpants: When my Dad got sick, he called up the Director’s Guild, of which he thought he was a member, and was told that they had no records of anyone setting up an account for health benefits in his name. The production company for which he had worked for 30 years or so was by then out of business, those cheap assholes. A friend of mine was then the head lawyer for the DG, but even he could not help. I dimly recall that AFTRA did pay him something, but not much.

@SanFranLefty: She’d really look great in a hand-tie-dyed camo tank top. I’m just sayin’, RML.

She’s not bad at all for someone who isn’t a performer. Well dressed to show off her best feature: her legs. Her partner is excellent and generous to a fault. He does some of the flashier moves that the woman would usually do while she points and bumps. But I’ve seen worse. What she doesn’t have is the developed energy and ability to take the stage like her partner, but he’s a dancer, she’s not. But much better than I was expecting.

Yeah, I never understood why Shelly O wears all those high-waisted dresses. It’s such a frumpy look. But she’s still a stunner.

Someone said on the Wonkette, “Her legs are ALL cankle.” She is bulgey, for such a young woman.

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