Tonight, when [Rand] Paul finally strides up and takes the microphone in the front of the room, he seems relaxed and speaks to the crowd in a soft and steady Southern accent. “People say, ‘Oh those Tea Party people, they’re angry.’ I say: ‘No, they’re concerned and they’re worried.’ They’re worried that we could destroy the currency by adding such a massive debt.” Paul then invoked the Nazis: “In Germany it led to Hitler.”

• Endless war of aggression.
• Denigration of minority religion.
• Fascist memoirist.

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She is so not Carrie Prejean … for once, I am proud of my state’s combatant in the Miss America contest:

Hell, I might actually watch!

Move over Chelsea, today is Lisa Simpson’s wedding day!

While it’s not in the Gray Lady’s Wedding & Celebrations section (a.k.a. Gay Man’s Sports Section), the NYT shares with us the good news that back in a 1995 episode of The Simpsons, her wedding was forecast for August 1, 2010 at 1 pm in Springfield.

No word if Lisa wore one of those strapless bridal dresses that Cynica and I are tired of seeing.

Mazel tov, kids!

Radioactive Marlboros smuggled in by Zionists? Check. Paul the Octopus condemned by Ahmadinejad? Check. The Iranian people might have dumber politicians than South Carolina. [Gawker, LA Times]

Title: “The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment +2 (an adventure for 3-6 players, levels 2-5)”

Author: Carlton Mellick III

Rank: 6,574

Blurb: “If anyone out there is reading this, I need your help. I am trapped within a really terrible Dungeons and Dragons campaign and I can’t find my way out. My player is a horny 14 year old loser who won’t stop forcing me to have sex with slutty elf chicks instead of going on quests.”

Review: “This book is an awesome parody of all those caffeinated nights playing Dungeons and Dragons when you were fourteen.”

Customers Also Bought: “Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere,” by Mykle Hansen.

Footnote: We didn’t play D&D, but we knew people who did. And we were very, very frightened of them. Mainly because we feared being assimilated.

The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon kickback link]