Zombie Apocalypse Begins, Creating Widespread Havoc on East Coast; South Carolina Notices Little Difference

Newsweek has the breaking story:

The undead have risen from their graves and invaded large portions of the east coast. Driven only by an unsatiable desire for brains, there seems to be no stopping their ruthless push forward. Residents are advised to barricade themselves in their houses and wait for further instructions. Under no circumstances should the walking dead be allowed in your house.

If you haven’t yet bought your Zombie Attack Survival Kit, now’s a good time before Walmart is overru—

Hold on… We’re getting an update…

Ah. Newsweek pulled a homepage prank Monday, revealing the story only to those who knew to type up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-B-A-Enter, which is Secret Zombie Code for I’m Tired of This Fucking Game. Stinque apologizes if you prematurely shot your neighbor’s brains out.

Newsweek Rises From the Dead [NYT, via Raw Story]

Today we are all zombies.
I for one welcome our new zombie overlords.

Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here every night during June. Don’t forget to tip the veal, and try the waitstaff, they’re delicious.

who says video games are not main stream

@Capt Howdy: I tried the code, but Newsweek wouldn’t give me 30 points.

@nojo: I tried the code too, but it just sat there looking like the Newsweek homepage, which is not a compelling thing to me. So I shut that crap back down and went back to browsing my Benedick-approved leather daddy catalogue.

@IanJ: We’re all so proud of you as you enter your new lifestyle choice.

Hint: no matter how hot they make your ass look avoid the turquoise chaps. Everyone will think you’re a Republican.

@Benedick: I’ve been meaning to ask: my Agenda seems to be missing the pages on destroying the heterosexual family structure and overthrowing all right-thinking American patriots. Who do I have to blow to get things sorted out here?

ADD: And, of course, you were right about my wardrobe. It simply has to go. What was I thinking?

@IanJ: Who do I have to blow to get things sorted out here?

I believe Original Andrew is your nearest chapter representative. I hear he’s even earned a pink Cadillac Prius!

@IanJ: It worked yesterday. NYT kills all the fun.

@Prommie: Did you read “World War Z”? Fun book, novel approach such as.

@IanJ: No worries, if you get married, it will just inevitably devalue and destroy traditional marriage, through a magical mechanism similar to the invisible hand. Look what has happened to David Vitter’s marriage, just at the same time that gay marriage was gaining ground in the US. Coincidence? I think not, its empirical proof.

@IanJ: Darling, the biggest gay here is Catt. He is teh uber gay. If they didn’t give you the complete forms on conversion Catt will fill you in. He is like the gay of the gayness gay. On the gay scale of 1-10 he’s an 11. If you don’t have a copy of the dress code and the hatred of Jesus, Catt can bring you up to speed. He also does a fab class on mastering the gag reflex but as a new gay you might not be ready for that yet.

We’re all thrilled about your leather excursions but there are times when a harness and cod piece are not quite enough. So you need to know about the rules of the polo shirt and jeans. Once you’ve mastered the code you can go anywhere and know you will be welcome. And as noje will tell you there’s no welcome quite as warm hard and squirty as a gay welcome.

You might want to spend a couple of minutes checking out the shocking picture of Schock. Whatever he’s wearing: don’t. And don’t shave for a day or two. You’re rocking the dark sultry look. Are we paying enough attention to the rug? We might need to talk about manscaping. I’m told that OA is an expert.

Daddy loves you.

@Benedick: Is there such a thing as an Alpha Gay, or is that too butch?


So… between work that’s been hard-rockin’ me and trying to think of new and creative ways of avoiding Daddy O’s oy-el speech (I settled on reading magazines at Walgreens–whatta par-tay), did I miss a, ahem, Big Announcement? I’m not on SpaceFace, yaknow.

@Original Andrew: The Big Gay Wedding? I think you did. Our boy registered at Crate and Barrel. We’re all so proud. IAnJ. All the way!

@nojo: Alpha gay. I don’t get into the whole measurement thing. Do you? Do we measure gayness via inches? Or do we measure by style? I think the hags among us do the style deal while the muscle hungry sweat pigs do it by disco bike workout in WeHo. There might be a third way that folds the nascent romanticism of the restoration into the Greek ideal that found its most potent expression in Byron’s swim across the Hellespont to crush Shelley to his breast. But that’s just me.

I can’t believe these fuckers wrote up this piece with ZERO fucking mention of the legendary Stinque.com Zombie bible. Nojo, I hope you’ll be ripping their eyes out and skull fucking them tomorrow morning.

@Original Andrew: I came back from a little sojourn away from the online-ness and returned to find that I was newly gay. I’m just trying to keep up, really. Benedick seems to be leading the charge, you might ask him what the score is. Apparently I have to dress completely unlike one person, blow you for some missing Gay Agenda pages, and forget to shave (like that’s difficult).

Glad that’s settled. I still haven’t figured out what CheapBoy turned into.

TJ/ Coupla good temblores off Indonesia this AM, 6.7 and 7.0 within an hour of each other.


What a relief! I was about to put together a care package containing The Protocols of the Elders of West Hollywood, Beyoncé’s Greatest Hits, and a six-pack of Zima, the traditional drink or Our People.

@Nabisco: Sorry, we’ve moved on to statue-zapping.

Until Sandy Eggo gets rocked again. This is what happens when we let Canucks into our country to play baseball.


Sounds fun. Nothing ever happens here.*

*Exact thoughts a few minutes before the Nisqually Quake of 2001.

@nojo: There is a great Google Earth link on your latest 5.7er. According to the plot of the epicenter, looks like the FSM was taking firm control of border security.

@Original Andrew: These are all literally oceans away, although they are also roughly where the one that triggered the 2004 tsunami happened.

@Nabisco: Pops into Google Maps on the iPad. Stay off the I-8.

@Original Andrew: Between quakes, you may want to learn how to tether your floating bridges.


Ohboy, you don’t even wanna go there. The quake revealed irreparable structural flaws in many of our buildings and bridges (including one hotly contested viaduct) that the state, city, county, environmentalists and transit advocates have spent the last decade squabbling over how to redesign, build and pay for. To date, no significant construction has been done. My plan is to just keep jumpin’ up in the air if the earth starts a-shakin’.

@Original Andrew: My plan is to just keep jumpin’ up in the air if the earth starts a-shakin’.

Good plan. Body by Jake, Quads by Quake.

Oh and, viaduct? Vy not? I think that is from an old Marx Bros. routine, but not sure whether it was hotly contested or not.

@Nabisco: Another one off Alaska this morning. The gods of plate tectonics must have bet on the Celtics to close it out in Game 6, only to see the Lakers bench players mow them down. I’ll need to check whether my barstool has seat belts on Thursday night.

@Benedick: Sport provides an opportunity for drinking and conviviality. I’m guessing you’re OK with that.

@Dodgerblue: Dude, rare to see you at such an early EST time stamp. Beating the convention crowds to the treadmill?

I tuned in to the round ball this morning, oh dark thirty, but by the time the caffeine did its job the Lakers were up by 20.

I’m beginning to think that all pro sports are fixed. There, I said it. So my final pick for the Copa Mundial is Argentina vs. Germany* in the finals, with the losers given political asylum in the other’s country until or unless they are tracked down by the Madres de la Plaza de Mayo or the Simon Weisenthal Center.

*It is entirely possible that this is mathematically possible due to divisions, brackets etc. That will make the finals that much more convincing about this entire Sport Rigging conspiracy.

@Nabisco: My body is in Florida but my mind is somewhere else. Flying back home to the Catalina Eddy and June Gloom today.

@Original Andrew: Only a decade? It’s been more than 20 years since Loma Prieta and the new Bay Bridge still isn’t done. Latest excuse given is the shoddy quality and slow production of steel from China.

@Original Andrew:
you mean to tell me shoddy materials and workmanship is a factor?
i am shocked, SHOCKED !

just like titanic!

@baked: That’s what I thought too. I blame the Romanian rivets.

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