Paranoia Index Reaches All-Time Bedwetting

WorldNetDaily is out with its monthly Freedom Index, which measures — well, we’re not sure what it measures, but it’s at 46.7, dangerously close to its December low of 46.4, which makes us afraid for some vague reason.

We must be afraid, because WND tells us that “Democrats rammed through a bill that essentially nationalizes health care,” which certainly sounds bad, especially since they didn’t. So when that automated pollster rings our phone, we’ll be sure to express our WND-fueled fear in the strongest possible terms.

Although since one of the questions asks about the government spying on us, perhaps we should hang up.

But it’s another question that interests us:

Do you find that you self-censor thoughts before speaking on certain issues in public because you fear harm, punishment, social rejection, or some other penalty?

Well, we’ve always fancied ourself the salami in a Palin-Bachmann sandwich, and — Hey, wait a second!

For the record, WND would like us to know that of the 792 people stupid enough to answer the phone, “Nearly one American in four routinely censors his or her own thoughts ‘much’ or ‘always’ under President Obama’s administration.”

That sounds really bad, or would if we knew what the question meant. Happily, WND has provided what Nate Silver calls “crosstabs” (warning: not a pharmaceutical), where we learn that only 12 percent of Westerners keep their wicked thoughts to themselves, compared to 22 percent in the South, 28 percent in the Midwest, and 29 percent in the East.

This suggests to us that the problem isn’t socialists running our government, but a long-observed preponderance of control freaks east of the Rockies. You folks outside the Pacific time zone need to chill the fuck out.

1 in 4 Americans censoring thoughts under Obama [WND]

29fuckingpercent of people on the fuckingeastcoast keep their fuckingthoughts to themfuckingselves, wtf?

Srsly, isn’t the ability to self-censor a net positive in society? Hmm, let’s see:

if he speaks in a steady stream, without regard to whether or not his conversation has anything to do with what others are interested in or speaking about at the moment, he may be demonstrating an inability to self-censor and could have…ADHD.”

@Nabisco: So you’re saying that 88% of people in the western US have ADHD? Makes sense, look at who the people were who settled the west. I’m thinking of the gold miners in “Paint Your Wagon”.

Nojo, you can never have too many General Jack Ripper references. In the current political climate I’m amazed that until now nobody has mentioned the Peace On Earth – Purity Of Essence theme. That would look so cool on Glenn Beck’s magical blackboard of insanity.

Never forget, this country was settled by “wretched refuse.”

They really should have added on an extra question about WHY – I know that *I* tend to self-censor when I’m around known Faux News devotees, even on Facebook. I mean, once somebody’s started off the conversation with “Fox News NEVAR lies!”, you can either just ignore them or risk being the first casualty of the conservatard jihad.

On the other hand, we had that survey a while back that showed that 25ish% of Republicans thought Obama was the Antichrist, so maybe we’re all better off if those folks STFU.

@Prommie: Oh and John Adams? Not only was he a Red(coat defender), he was a SOCIAMALIST.

why self censor? why, just yesterday i engagd in a heated argument with a cretin defending Bush the Imblick.
it was a friends link, don’t know her. it was fun.
they’ll never STFU, so we can’t.

Programming Note to Nojo: I like the breaking trends box. New WordPress widget or your creation?

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: Yes, pretty hilarious. I liked the part about ‘defend ourselves with the sword and survive, using equipment.’ So, the rapture means you survive now? Why? Because you have a Portapotty?


They had weapons of mass destruction apparently. The low end ones, anyway.

Hilarious doesn’t begin to describe it.

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: Pipe bombs. These things always end up pretty much the same way. The not-so-nuts members run to the cops when they realize the really nuts members are determined to get killed.

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: I made the mistake of reading an article about the arrests on the USA Today website (that of course is a mistake in itself) and then scrolled down and started to read the comments defending the “WHITE XTIANS OMG the MUSLIN is arrestin and taking our gunzzz!!!1!” and my head started to hurt.

@SanFranLefty: Dog whistles supporting the terrorists from Rush Limbaugh and Michael “Savage” Weiner in 3,2,1…

@SanFranLefty: Hand-cranked — I’ve had something like this in the back of my mind for more than a year.

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: That is terrifying. I wonder how many groups like that exist around the country?

@redmanlaw: That is funny and really creepy at the same time: … he was trying to save little girls from food he believes would make them “chubby.”

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: Upside? John Law is on the job. Downside? Waco, Ruby Ridge, etc. We need to all hold on to each other really tightly when April 19 rolls around.

Gotta do something with this:

Mike Steele digs bondage bars – especially when the party of family values is picking up the tab.

@nojo: It brings a Spy-like je ne sais quoit to the joint, I likee.

@Nabisco: Nailed me — the idea first came to mind after reading the Spy coffeetable book. We also did a variation for our long-lost lit zine back in another life.

@SanFranLefty: What have I said about comments? Darling, you know better.

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: Hey, I was wearing camouflage* and shooting guns last weekend. Yesterday it was jeans and a burnt orange oxford shirt, however. Got the turkey gun patterned, watched Son of RML go to town on some targets with the 20 ga and a box of shells, and shot 1/2 and 3/4 in groups with a guy’s AR-15. Then I raked dogshit in the back yard and went to the dump. What a Sunday.

*My $16 pre-faded Wrangler camo cargos from KMart. Just about every picture of a shooting range I’ve ever seen had at least one guy in camo (most rock the khaki cargos), so I was just doing my part.

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: Well, so far a bird with a brain the size of a walnut has kept me empty handed for the past three or four seasons, so I got a lot of respect for it.


Does wild turkey taste better or something? Because you don’t have to shoot the ones at the Safeways. Or the tofu ones, for that matter.

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: Why not? There’s no law that says a turkey has to be alive and unfrozen to hunt it. Could also provide some entertainment to the shoppers.


You could slide one down the aisles and run after it whooping and blasting various armament like Yosemite Sam in a Loony Toons classic. Or just launch them into the air over the pharmacy aisle like skeet.

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: One of the best dinners I’ve had in the past few years was one night at a friend’s family ranch in Colorado. We had a mixed grill of game including grilled elk and buffalo we got from my parents and roasted wild turkey I shot and I prepared by throwing some fresh green beans into ceramic baking dish and covered the beans with bacon wrapped wild turkey breasts. Cook at 425 until it looks done. Mmmm

I like the sensation of being 100 percent on and aware in the woods, knowing the bird or animal is out there and trying to learn its habitat and ways well enough to put you on it close enough to pull the trigger. When hiking on a trail, I’m mainly trying to make sure I don’t stumble or step on a snake, or I’m talking to someone or paying attention to how I feel, how my pack is riding and how I’m doing.

When hunting, I’m in a sphere of awareness reaching out with my ears, trying to see what shapes in the trees resolve to, moving slowly and quietly or not at all. While there is something to be said for shooting sheet in the store aisles or stabbing meat in the bin to save the chubby girls, I love the hunt. It’s fun, frustrating, and it connects you and envelopes you. I took it up mainly because my dad needs the body feathers. Now I look forward to the two seasons a year as hunting for its own sake in which I try to replicate my early success. I just wish I had more time to be out there.

Anyone can do it, so long as they have the will and physical ability. Some do it for conspicuous consumption or for competition, others for the communion and growth. I’d like to think I fall within the last group.

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