When Feral Pigs Fly
It has come to our attention that our thesis about the relationship of feral pigs to South Carolina douchebags was incomplete in its implication. Let’s study a fresh example and expostulate:
South Carolina will no longer recognize U.S. currency as legal tender, if State Rep. Mike Pitts has his way.
Pitts, a fourth-term Republican from Laurens, introduced legislation earlier this month that would ban what he calls “the unconstitutional substitution of Federal Reserve Notes for silver and gold coin” in South Carolina.
If the bill were to become law, South Carolina would no longer accept or use anything other than silver and gold coins as a form of payment for any debt, meaning paper money would be out in the Palmetto State.
Pitts said the intent of the bill is to give South Carolina the ability to “function through gold and silver coinage” and give the state a “base of currency” in the event of a complete implosion of the U.S. economic system.
“I’m not one to cry ‘chicken little,’ but if our federal government keeps spending at the rate we’re spending I don’t see any other outcome than the collapse of the economic system,” Pitts said.
One possible explanation is that the ratio of feral pigs to South Carolina Republicans is greater than the ratio of feral pigs to humans who would mate with South Carolina Republicans, leading to a breeding crisis that results in South Carolina Republican politicians. But applying Occam’s Rendering Plant, we find that too convoluted to contemplate.
Instead, we propose a simple and direct theory: The overrepresentation of feral pigs in South Carolina leads to cases of mistaken identity with South Carolina Republicans. Reviewing the anecdotal literature, we really can’t tell them apart.