A Thousand Rabbis Walk Into a Leather Bar

Rabbi Yehuda Levin, spokesman for the Rabbinical Alliance of America, gets the word out via ChristianNewsWire:

When Americans are suffering economically and millions need jobs, it’s shocking that the Administration is focused on its ultra-liberal militantly homosexualist agenda forcing the highlighting of homosexuals and homosexuality on an unwilling military. This is the equivalent of the spiritual rape of our military to satisfy the most extreme and selfish cadre of President Obama’s kooky coalition…

Thirteen months before 9/11, on the day New York City passed homosexual domestic partnership regulations, I joined a group of Rabbis at a City Hall prayer service, pleading with G-d not to visit disaster on the city of N.Y. We have seen the underground earthquake, tsunami, Katrina, and now Haiti. All this is in sync with a two thousand year old teaching in the Talmud that the practice of homosexuality is a spiritual cause of earthquakes. Once a disaster is unleashed, innocents are also victims just like in Chernobyl.

We plead with saner heads in Congress and the Pentagon to stop sodomization of our military and our society. Enough is enough.

In related news, we’ve just discovered that “Help me” is inscribed in the back of our teeth. In Hebrew. We don’t know what it means.

1000 Rabbis Warn: Open Homosexuality in the Military is a Disaster and May Cause Further Natural Disasters [ChristianNewsWire, via Sully]

great band name. 1000 rabbis

but seriously. 1000 rabbis warn . . . .

who cares what it says after that?

In other news, to “avoid offending the Muslim nations we currently occupy”, Obama announced that Jews would no longer be allowed to serve in the US Military.

Oh wait, *now* the rabbis are offended?

And on a further note, are the rabbis above claiming that the Haiti thing is teh gheys fault? Jerry Falwell is doing a happy dance on his spit in hell…

when I first read it I thought it said 1000 rabbits walk into a leather bar.

I can’t wait to hear about their Final Solution to the Hummuhsekshal Problem.

And perhaps they’d like to describe how we already destroyed Israel’s military back in 1993?

breaking/ America’s Sweetheart had a good race, finished the course.


A rabbit walks into a jewish deli and pounds on the counter and says “Pound of corn beef and a carrot please.” So the man looks at him sternly, wraps up the order and out he goes.

The next day the same rabbit walks into the same deli and pounds on the counter and says “Pound of corn beef and a carrot please.” The proprietor growing irate with the pounding on the table gives him a sterner look, wraps up the order, and off the rabbit goes.

The next day the same rabbit walks into the same deli and starts his little schtick, but before he does the jew says “IF YOU POUND ON MY COUNTER ONE MORE TIME, I WILL NAIL YOUR PAWS TO THE FUCKING COUNTER!”
The rabbit sheepishly looks at the man and asks “Pound of nails please.”
“This is a deli, we don’t have any nails.” SO the rabbit pounds on counter again and says “Pound of corn beef and a carrot please.”


That is the sine qua non of Paronomasia jokes, really.

Do people really expect to be taken seriously when they say things like “Homosexualism causes earthquakes”? Sometimes I think reality is a complicated practical joke that you all are in on, and of which I am the butt.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Yeah, that was something, wasn’t it? Was that corset a Marilyn Manson castoff?

Figure skating snark.

Spoiler: Women’s downhill results.

Olbie had the best Bayh pun last night. his banner said

Bayh Curious.

(was that last night?)

@Capt Howdy: I think Original Andrew included that in his list of Bayhnomial Equations. He was on a roll.

What is this fucking thing called Ticketmaster? The theatre won’t even tell me IF there is anything available unless I am negotiating for a handicapped individual requesting an ADA-compliant seat or I am already a ticket holder or, etc, blah, kid had a script, literally, to answer this simple question I’ve had answered a thousands times before. . . Told me to go to the Ticketfascist website. Completely useless as you can’t ask what’s available. You have to attempt to guess, ask, go through a CAPTCHA routine, have it fail, have it offer rows and seats you would never want. And then do it all over again. Call Ticketfascist and you get a recording that you may get someone to pick up and make noises in 5-7 minutes. What the fuck has happened to our country?

there is a reason they call it TicketMASTER.
you know what that makes you, right?

this is pretty cool:

Uncoiling the spiral: Maths and hallucinations

Think drug-induced hallucinations, and the whirly, spirally, tunnel-vision-like patterns of psychedelic imagery immediately spring to mind. But it’s not just hallucinogenic drugs like LSD, cannabis or mescaline that conjure up these geometric structures. People have reported seeing them in near-death experiences, as a result of disorders like epilepsy and schizophrenia, following sensory deprivation, or even just after applying pressure to the eyeballs. So common are these geometric hallucinations, that in the last century scientists began asking themselves if they couldn’t tell us something fundamental about how our brains are wired up. And it seems that they can.

@FlyingChainSaw: I got it figured out, at least for me. Pop in, search for seats by price range or best available, add 30 % for all the various fees and I’m out. Band websites aren’t bad either. There are still $500 VIP packages for a summer U2 show at the Anaheim stadium with an open beer and wine bar and premium parking, btw, at u2.com.

I got my kid a ticket for a concert he wants to go to with a friend of his (Killswitch Engage). I bought the ticket but had him cover the fees and shit, which were around $13 on a $28 ticket.

I have the CD with the extravagant jacket.

@redmanlaw: I’m still waiting for a show that was announced months ago to go from soft sale (online only) to, whatever you call it, hard sale (?) so I can buy in person and avoid $8 fees on a $20 ticket. Guess that kinda makes me a cheap bastard.

@mellbell: I should add, this venue recently dropped Ticketmaster for Ticketfly; they’re pretty much all crooks.

@Capt Howdy: That thing won a Grammy for guitarist Adam Jones, who also used to do effects work.

@mellbell: Going through the UNLV site for a U2 pre-sale last fall was pretty hairy. The fan boards were filled with the anguished cries of people who could not get in due to the traffic. I think I had three browsers going pinging the site until I got in. I already got my tix for the band’s June 13 Denver show, which I believe I purchased in November, in a safe place.

I have to admit I bought it for the jacket but I ended up liking it a lot.

@redmanlaw: These fuckers should be gutted and strangled with their own intestines. Got someone on the phone at TicketSadist and they sounded drunk but got info out of them about a couple of large blocks of tickets out of them that should allow me to get a seat without funding their savage, vile shithouse operation.

@FlyingChainSaw: The pending merger with LiveNation will make it all the more fun to deal with TicketMiser.

@Capt Howdy:

What? You talkin’ about Keith Olbermann? I don’t even have cable, but bitch musta ripped me off. I want my royalties.

Oh well, let Bayh-gones be Bayh-gones.

@SanFranLefty: @redmanlaw: I just bolted in an hour and 15 minutes early and went over stuff with the ticket seller at the box office who actually clued me into seats that were directly in front of the performers. Same price as the tables on the rear and sides I was looking at with TicketFuckYouDie, Inc. The grunting fucktard at TicketFascist just wanted to get a credit card number and get me the fuck off of the phone and had less than zero knowledge of the venue which is small, old and has been oddly reconfigured. She mis-IDed the segments of the section she was trying to sell me. This system is typical of the savagery of the services industry. Make sure it’s all self service and as cheap as possible and that local intelligence, knowledge is completely obliterated and that customers learn to despair and love all the abuse.

@FlyingChainSaw: I’ve found box office people generally very helpful in person, as opposed to the know-nothings on the phone.

@Dodgerblue: Some cat at the TM counter tried to sell me seats for a Tool show that were just behind the band on the side. I had him run another search and got seats straight on just off the arena floor.

@redmanlaw: We have the UCLA “roots” series at Royce Hall — three rows from the stage, right in front of where Steve Berlin stands when Los Lobos play. When you re-up the series for the next year, they work with you to see if better seats are available.

@Dodgerblue: I’ll bet there are Green Bay fans who went through most if not all of Favre’s career waiting for season tickets to open up.

@Dodgerblue: The TicketFuckYouDie, Inc. people are flying completely blind and, in my case, shitfaced or drugged. (Not that I could blame someone for drinking on a job that pays $2 an hour job and who are constantly being threatened with having their jobs outsourced to a country ‘where people beg for jobs that pay $2 a month! Faster, asshole! Faster!’) Even box office people on the phone, just fine, always had tips about where to sit for a show, etc. Normal. This arrangement is just vile for everyone involved.

@FlyingChainSaw: Weren’t we talking the other day about Black elected official criminals needing some time to get up to speed? Here’s a guy who is still in first gear: http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/02/ny_councilman_allegedly_doctored_receipt_to_get_17.php?ref=fbfp

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