Fugitive GOP Icon Surrenders to Police in Twisted Republican S&M Sex Complaint

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Alleged insane GOP sex fiend Rod Jetton surrendered to cops in bizarre GOP sex ritual case. Jetton is now free on bail. If he approaches you, shout the 'safe word' he favors - 'Green Balloons' - and run to the nearest police station.

Former Missouri House Speaker Rod Jetton surrendered to Cole County Sheriff’s Department Monday morning to answer a felony assault complaint from a woman who alleges that the GOP icon battered her face, choked her and savagely pestorked her in some kind of bizarre Republican sex ritual.

The twisted GOP sex fiend and the victim allegedly agreed in a telephone call to meet at her home in Sikeston, MO. on Nov. 15 for S&M sex, replete with savage violence and hateful man-on-woman battering, a GOP tradition, according to her complaint. Jetton is now at large on bail of $2500. Stinque.com is advising everyone who is approached for sex by Jetton or any Republican to shout his – or possibly the party’s – favored safe word – ‘Green Balloons’ – and run away to the nearest police station for protection.

The LA Times had the most cogent distillation of the victim’s allegations of Jetton’s GOP hunger for violence and coercive sex:

Police say the woman claimed Jetton hit her in the face several times “very hard” and she said she woke up at one point, lying on the floor as Jetton was choking her. The woman said she then remembered waking up while Jetton was behind her having sex in the bedroom. Police say there were bruises on the outside of the woman’s thighs, left side and breast that were photographed.

According to the probable cause statement, the woman reported “blank spots” in her memory that she had not experienced before while drinking.

Typically, the Missouri GOP icon allegedly sneered at the battered victim the next morning when she reviewed the violence done to her with Jetton, telling the victim: “You should have said green balloons.”

Say it! Say it, bitch and maybe I won't break your face again! Say it! Say, GREEN BALLOONS! Bwahahahahahahaha

Say it! Say it, bitch and maybe I won't have to break your fucking face again! Say it! Say, GREEN BALLOONS! Bwahahahahahahaha

Hmmm. This may shed light on why Jetton, member of the Family Values party, agreed to a divorce settlement this fall, according to the LA Times report.

19 Comments

This is makes lobbyist secks-for-favors in Georgia look like church.

Yet more proof that while Demrats like sex on the vanilla side, GOPers are WAY kinker.

Reminds me of Frank “MOMMMIE!” Booth from Blue Velvet for some reason.

It’s getting to the point where I’d feel safer going to a gangbanger party than a Republican fundraiser. Fuckin’ freaks.

Who surrenders to the heat wearing a fucking coat and tie? Dude’s identity must be wrapped up in the Alex Keaton/Ralph Reed uniform. Plain black t-shirt and jeans is the way to go.

Goddammit FCS those multiple eyes have now burned into my retinas and I will have bad dreams where those eyes are chasing after me, wanting to stomp on my throat.

Teh eyes look like someone totally freaked that he is going to jail, been up all night scared, drinking, and took a bunch of xanax or something right before turning himself in, too.

So, what, do you think he was doing the “donkey punch” or the “bucking bronco?”

@redmanlaw: @mellbell: Yeah, definitely a Tom Delay vibe there. But I think he’s also trying to establish right off the bat the idea that he’s not one of them, the great unwashed masses of negroes criminals that he thinks he’s better than.

@Jamie Sommers: Oh, I am sure they’ll appreciate the distinction when he goes away and is kicked to death by his fellow inmates. Hey, Rodster, just say GREEN BALLOONS! Asshole! Die! Maybe someone will slip something into his Zarex at the supermax and he’ll wake up to find someone fucking him or chewing on his skull.

@FlyingChainSaw:

What kind of a safe word is “Green Balloons”, anyway? Use something less laugh-inducing, people. Like the word “Cretaceous”.

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: I favor ‘Montgolfier’. Though it can be tricky to say through a ball-gag.

@mellbell: Like I was saying . . .

BTW, I was reading a book on the last days of Vietnam, and who do they interview but one Duke Cunningham. The “where are they now” ‘graf at the end of the book was a hoot: combat pilot, naval officer, congressman, convict.

@Benedick: The family name of the guys who invented the hot air balloon?

@Tommmcatt is hunkered down in the trenches: Or chew out his eyes and skull fuck him. Given his record, no doubt he’d dig it.

How many chinchillas died for that bad toupee?

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