It Hurts When I Walk This Way
Just to round out today’s discussion of People With Stuff Up Their Arse, we offer this breaking news from the Gateway to Fergus:
An inmate at the Merced County Main Jail had a homemade knife surgically removed from his body cavity last month, according to Merced county Sheriff’s officials.
He now faces concealed weapons charges.
The inmate, 19-year-old Rance Johnson, approached corrections officials Nov. 18, complaining about an item stuck inside his rectum, causing pain…
Johnson told investigators he had no idea what the item was, that he’d found it in an interview room and tried smuggling the weapon by inserting it into his rectum. The item was wrapped inside tissue paper and placed in a sandwich bag before it was inserted.
Since we’re ignoring the Senate healthcare debate this week, we’ll note here that the invasive-rectum procedure was covered by generous taxpayers. “It’s unfortunate,” said Sheriff Mark Pazin, “but it’s a mandated surgery.”
Merced County Main Jail inmate’s stashed ‘shank’ is surgically removed [Merced Sun-Star]
Same thing happened to me recently with an Xbox 360 I was trying to smuggle into my cubicle at work.
@Serolf Divad: Go for the PS3 – they’ve really reduced the size from the last one.
Hey Nojo, Keiff Oh picked up the Sarah photo-op story!
@SanFranLefty: Hey Jamie, to be proper about it.
Has it shown up anywhere else? Don’t think I’ve seen it at the usual haunts.
@nojo: I don’t know, since Stinque and Keiff Oh are my two primary news sources. He also mentioned the English-only mall rule.
@SanFranLefty: TP had the mall story this morning, and I’m sure Keef’s staff tracks them and TPM even more closely than I do. But I don’t recall seeing the AZ story at either of those joints, nor Raw Story, nor Memeorandum (the all-purpose backstop for chatterboxes).
Oh, look! Ancestral Home Congressman Pete! Hi, Pete!
Rachel said “Go Ducks!” I may have to put that on a loop.
(Sport note: Ducks v. Beavers tonight, for a Rose Bowl berth. A Duck win means beer money for Nojo, who will likely be asked to produce new Tiny Waving Hands for his campus clients.)
@nojo: Did I ever thank you for Dennis Dixon? Not that the rest of the Steelers did much around him to help him actually win, mind you, but the rook did good.
@Nabisco: Don’t thank me — if I weren’t financially wrapped up in it, I wouldn’t pay attention at all.
Was Dixon the dude they plastered on a Manhattan building?
(Add: I’m literally on call tonight to update a campus website if they win.)
@nojo: Well I just got done having a lovely lovely lovely meal and bottle of wine with Miss Cynica and Mr. Cynica in PDX, and we discussed your little green hands.
Once upon a time, when yours truly was a prosecutor, I tried what started out as a a routine drug case in a certain HA judge’s court. The defendant was in custody and whenever that happens, someone must bring civvies to the courtroom for the defendant to change into. This defendant’s girlfriend brought in some pants and a button down shirt for the defendant and gave it to the clerk before any of the parties arrived to court that morning. The judge then had her clerk hang the clothes on her office coat rack while awaiting the arrival of the defendant from the jail. When he arrived, the deputy took the clothes out of the judge’s office and into the courtroom’s holding cell. He was briefly given some privacy but when the deputy returned, he saw the defendant shoving something up his ass. It was quickly determined to be drugs of an unspecified nature. (Defendant wouldn’t say.) Needless to say, he had to be taken to the hospital for um, extraction. After the judge was quickly told what happened, the deputies rushed him out of the building. Then the defense attorney and I were called into chambers to be given the news by the judge, who looked absolutely shocked, horrified and appalled that drugs were ever so briefly warehoused in her office.
My other courtroom pooter story involved a burglary case. The defendant had been caught red handed attempting to burglarize a vacant house. He refused to come out when the cops arrived and after several hours was teargassed into submission. He had to go the hospital because of that. During the examination, they found a small white plastic object with wires coming out in the starfish zone. A cop mentioned this to me in passing at one point pre-trial but we didn’t think anything of it at the time because it was weird but irrelevant. During the trial, the bags found in defendant’s possession were brought into court as evidence. The judge asked what was in them (cops didn’t inventory) so on a break, defense atty and I went through them. Guess what we found. A whole lotta porn and a large white cylindrical battery operated device that was broken at one end.
@Jamie Sommers: Congratulations! You’ve scored a StinqueTweet double-play!
@SanFranLefty: Here’s the photographer’s website. How ironic that the first photo on the home page is of Palin’s legs at a podium. I guess it’s not sexist if she gets a cut of the action.
I can’t begin to list The Things I’ve Seen Wedged in People’s Arses from my x-ray tech days.
The most interesting was one of those old skool shower massage heads, back when they looked less like sunflowers. The patient had to pull the hose from the wall, cut a hole in his pants, thread the hose through the hole, and he arrived in the ER with a tail. It was then that I realized some people go through life looking at things and wondering what they’d feel like up the arse. “Gee, I wonder what that Buick would feel like up my arse.”
And then there’s the guy who swallowed a bunch of GI Joe heads. They got stuck in his stomach, and you could see some of their little visages in profile on the x-ray. The Polo cologne cap stuck up somone’s arse was interesting, too.
I won’t bash the dudes with prostate pain who shoved little mayo jars of frozen water in their arses, cuz they were just looking for relief.
@nojo: Get to work.
TJ / Great exchange from over at this article:
“Teabagger” is passee.
At a recent protest in California, a group of Tea Party Patriots threw lettuce and vegetables into the Bay to show their anger toward illegal immigration.
The are now demanding to be known as “salad tossers”.
They kept talking about how they hated dirty Sanchez.
But whenever they hear Rove on Fox, they say “I love hot Karl!”
true story. take it for what its worth. we have all heard the Richard Gere story, right. well. I have a friend who lives in LA. she is an Xray tech and has been for many years. she is a mother of four. quite, down to earth, not prone to attention grabbing or exaggeration as far as I know.
she swears. swears that she was on duty that faithful night and not only saw the Xray but has a copy that she will make available before her death.
she says she wont do it while she is working because she would never work again, but she swears.
this is not a friend of a friend. I know this person myself.
@Capt Howdy: Now, we all have a friend of a friend story, though!
@Capt Howdy: I’ve never seen critters on x-rays, but I don’t doubt it happens. And, yes, we copied interesting x-rays for our “teaching file.” Usually the teaching file included stuff like situs inversus (organs on the opposite side of the body), interesting ultrasounds, stuff like that. We removed all identifying information, but I could see someone failing to do so — I could also see someone faking a copy (I’m not saying this is what your friend has done, but it’s really easy to put someone else’s name on a film — it happens accidentally all the time).
I had a friend who kept rats, and we were going to lay my friend on the table and place the rat on his abdomen and take an x-ray for shits and giggles. I kind of don’t dig rats, so we never got around to it.
honestly if it was pretty much anyone I know except this person I would not believe it. she is just the quiet mousey person. married to someone I know from the effects industry.
SANFRANLEFTY • Quentin Tarantino presents Action Joe and Mister Z @ManchuCandidate: Bitch, March Madness is ON! xoxo
MELLBELL • Quentin Tarantino presents Action Joe and Mister Z @nojo: I mooch Disney+ from my sister and HBO Max from my ex. Still need a Hulu hookup though!
MELLBELL • Quentin Tarantino presents Action Joe and Mister Z @ManchuCandidate: As a veteran of last year's tournament, you were re-invited with one click, so…
MELLBELL • Quentin Tarantino presents Action Joe and Mister Z @nojo: I'm just late, as ever. The play-in games started Tuesday, but we've got until tomorrow.…
NOJO • Software Update of the Year @bruce.desertrat: I have failed to get any work done since that dropped.
BRUCE.DESERTRAT • Software Update of the Year Disturbing my cow-orkers laughing at this....
NOJO • Quentin Tarantino presents Action Joe and Mister Z @¡Andrew!: I tried RRR a few times at Benedick’s insistence, just couldn’t last. And now…
¡ANDREW! • Quentin Tarantino presents Action Joe and Mister Z @nojo: I watched the clips on YouTube. Lady Gaga’s performance was extraordinarily honest and…
NOJO • Quentin Tarantino presents Action Joe and Mister Z @ManchuCandidate: Oh gee, that starts tomorrow? Haven’t heard from Mellbell, so guess not.
MANCHUCANDIDATE • Quentin Tarantino presents Action Joe and Mister Z @¡Andrew!: I passed on the Oscars. Enjoyed the movie.