Speaker of the Birthers

What a little shitbag:



Apropos of nothing…

This email was sent to god@www.stinque.com as a subscriber to WND Blog Alerts email list.

And maybe some day, WorldNetDaily, God will write back.

Something I don’t understand… I would have thought DeLay would be ashamed to be taking part in this farrago. I would have thought it would be a signifier of how low he’d fallen. That next he’d be playing piano lounges in Vegas. Or opening supermarkets in strip malls in WV. It never occurred to me that he’d be proud of it. As if it’s some kind of accomplishment. I mean what’s next? Tony Blair on Britain’s Got Talent?

They should all go on DWTS.

Lindsey Graham would blow us away by cavorting and gyrating topless like a Vegas showgirl to Rock Around the Cock.

@Original Andrew: And Boehner could show that he doesn’t have tan lines.

Eew. I think I just made me throw up a little in my mouth.

Wow. How they train a giant orange mound of dogshit to speak is amazing to me. And DeLay makes me sick as well.

@Original Andrew:

Please do not use the words “Lindsay Graham” and “blow us” in the same sentence.

@Benedick: A man who grins in his mug shot like it’s a photo op has no shame.


But does the carpet match the drapes?


And then we’d discover that Kay Bailey Hutchison never wears underwear, which could be really gnarly during the back-flip part.

Wow – he’s got the “keep the government out of my Medicare” crowd beat. He’s got the 100% government former Congresscritter plan – the government IS his health care.

And really, once you’ve convinced yourself that you’re opposed to your own healthcare plan, it’s not much of a jump to birtherism.

@Original Andrew: Eeeeeewwww!

@Original Andrew: Eeeeeeewwww! Mind bleach!

And we’d then learn that Mitch McConnell wears a cockring and has a pierced hood.



Did I mention I’m losing weight?

Know why?

@Original Andrew: Hey youngster, my pubes are the only thing not going gray on me, that will be a sad day, for sure, when that happens.

I really wish I’d read this comment thread BEFORE I cooked dinner. I’d have just gone for a salad instead because that would have been all I could stomach.

I feel like I need to head to a Portland strip club just to get clean. And with that, I offer you all a vision of Charles Grassley’s wardrobe on the show revealing his corn-stalk tramp stamp.

Anyone else here fearing that last bastion of original hair color falling? I will confess, I have plucked a few gray pubes, and it has made me very very depressed.

Of course, I have been told that these days, merely having pubes marks you as an antique.

@blogenfreude: Why is there a photo of fashion models in that article? Not that I’m complaining, but I just don’t get it.

@Promnight: that’s really only if you happen to have XX chromosomes, per dictate of popular culture.

I’ll be happy to go gray, silver, or whatever brand of off-white when the time comes, so long as I get to keep my hair, which I kind of like.

@Signal to Noise: My dad is 70 and has about eight white hairs.

@Signal to Noise: The hair on my head, thankfully very very thick, annoyingly so, is pure silver, has been since my mid-30s.

My father had quite a display of chest hair, I was slow in developing this, and now that I have, its gray, too, dammit.

I can’t grow a beard worth a damn, and its gray now anyway.

The pubes, they are all I have left, dammit.

Fuck all, I am old, and I do not like it, because I was a failure at being young, and now youth has gone, and its too late.

@Mistress Cynica: I will live only until I die. I have more days behind me now than before me, and I hate it, I do, I do not want to watch life fleeting by, damn it, I know, I know in my soul I have sold out my life and I am just in a parking orbit for the final destination, all the dreams of youth are gone, there is no “up” from here, its all downhill, and I am going to go kicking and screaming, thank you.

@Promnight: Dude, you’re six months younger than me. You are not hydroplaning to the nursing home. On the other hand, I know I only have 20 or fewer hunting seasons left in me, so I can see your point.

/eyes elk calls and deer target from last week’s practice in book shelf, dry fires pellet gun at diet coke can in next room

Guess I’ll smoke that cigar I picked up today . . .

@Promnight: Well if you feel that way, then there’s no excuse for not living life balls out from here on out and not worrying about what others think. You’ve already shown that by going after your crazy dream this summer, and that’s an inspiration to everybody. Don’t stop doing that.

@redmanlaw: lucky, lucky, lucky.

@Promnight: what is it my mother still regularly tells me whenever I gripe about the imagined difficulties of being in the late 20s? “Youth is wasted on the young.” Go kicking and screaming until you’re pulled six feet under. It’s the only way to go.

I look forward to aging gracefully, whilst still kicking and screaming and doing the occasional dumb things now and again. For example: if I ever find my presumed teenage kids smoking pot in my house, I hope I’ll age gracefully enough to ground them and then steal the weed for myself when they’re shipped off to stay with the future in-laws for the weekend.



Who’s ready for liver ‘n onions?


He needs to be gut shot and dropped into a supermax.

@FlyingChainSaw: I think he needs the catheter ‘n enema special administered by a totally hot Texan home health-care nurse in cowboy hat and boots, paid for, of course, by his guv’mint-sponsored plan.

But I might be just projecting.

@Promnight: I had a three-gray-hair scare ten years ago. Turned out to be a false alarm.

Now if those unopened AARP invites would quit mocking me…

@Promnight: If it comes, uh, down to it, you could always try the pubic remedy of the stars.

@Pedonator: Aaaand I get to go to bed with the image of Diddy’s hot pink pubes in my brain. May I call you when I wake screaming?

Maybe Project Runway will do a Pelt Challenge.

@SanFranLefty: Not to mention that Max Baucus attends all sessions of the Senate wearing a wrought steel chastity cock-harness/ass-plug combo carrying a Verizon SIM, which, when called from Billy Tauzin’s cellphone, administers painful yet oh-so-stimulating electrical shocks to his nether regions.

@Mistress Cynica: Sleep well, Mistress, and just dream of what Dennis Rodman could do with the technology!

@nojo: With celebrity PETA commercials! Alec Baldwin dyes all his body hair blue! I would SO watch that shit.

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