Petals in the Wind

Every rose has its price.Ladies and gentlemen, there come moments in a satirical blogger’s existence when reality is so fabulous, so divine, so fucking awesome, that no premise can hope to achieve the Platonic grandeur of the Thing Itself.

This is one of those moments:

Sarah Palin’s opponents like to throw things at her. They throw slanders at her, they throw trick questions at her, they even throw frivolous ethics complaints at her, but we need to let Sarah know: “No matter what the jackals are throwing at you, Sarah, we are throwing roses!”

On the day Sarah Palin becomes a private citizen, July 26th, we want to make sure she knows how much Team Sarah loves and appreciates her for the hard work, integrity, and VALUES she represents and FIGHTS FOR everyday. What better way to say “We love you and support you” then to send bouquets of roses? What better way to show the world that support for Sarah Palin HAS NEVER BEEN STRONGER?!

You can participate in this by sending a rose to Sarah Palin. We are going to send up to 1,000 roses to Sarah Palin on the day she becomes a private citizen with a letter showing ALL the names of everyone who contributes $5 to make this happen!

The Roses will arrive at a special event being held for Sarah Palin and be hand delivered to her to show her how much we at Team Sarah support her.

She can’t be leaving us. She just can’t. America needs Sarah Palin. We need her. Without her, we’re just… well, relieved. But still.

Roses for Sarah [Kintera]
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Will Andrew Lloyd Webber create a musical just for her?

It won’t be easy, you’ll think it strange
When I try to explain how I feel
That I still need your love after all that I’ve stole

You won’t believe me
All you will see is a girl you once knew
Although she’s grifting clothes from Neimans
And those Manolos

I had to let it happen, I had to resign
Couldn’t stay grifting for mere peanuts
Keeping out of the limelight, staying off of Faux News

So I chose freedom
Running around, saying everything’s bad
Obama not impressing me at all
I always wanted it all

[Chorus:]

Don’t cry for me cold Alaska
The truth is I never left you
All through the Starburst days
My mad existence
I took your money
Don’t close your wallets

And as for fortune, and as for fame
I never invited them in (AS IF!)
Though it seemed to the world they were all I desired

They are reality
They are so the solutions they promised to be
The answer was here all the time
I love you and hope you pay me

Don’t cry for me Cold Alaska

[chorus]

Have I said too much?
There’s nothing more I can think of to say to you.
But all you have to do is look at me to know
That every word is true (you betchya! Wink!)

@ManchuCandidate: I was thinking that the heavy metal hair band Poison’s power ballad “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” would be more appropriate:

We both lie silently still
In the dead of the night
Although me and Todd both lie close together
We feel miles apart inside

Was it something I said or something I did
Did my words not come out right
Though I tried not to hurt you
I think Trig is your baby
But I guess that’s why they say

Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn (unless it’s winter in the Arctic)
Just like every gay cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn

Yeah it does

I listen to our favorite rightwing blowhard
Talking on the radio
Hear him say Obama loves a game of easy come and
Easy go (from his birthplace of Kenya)
But I wonder does Rush know
Has he ever felt like this
And I know that Levi you’d be here right now
If I could have let you know somehow
I guess with a wink…

Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn (unless it’s winter in the Arctic)
Just like every gay cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn

Though its been a while now since the campaign
I can still feel so much pain
Like a knife that cuts you the wound heals
But the scar, that scar remains

I know I could have saved an election that night
If I’d known what to say
Instead of makin love to the camera
And parading my spawn out for display

But now I hear you found somebody new (a book agent?)
And that I never meant that much to you
To hear that tears me up inside
And to see you cuts me like a knife
I guess

Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn (unless it’s winter in the Arctic)
Just like every gay cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn

I’ll chip in for a flaming bag of wolf poo on her front porch.

Did a fucking sorority chapter make up this idea? That’s the gheyest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.

@SanFranLefty: Your “Dazed and Confused” side is showing.

@al2o3cr:

Oh, I wish someone had thought of that earlier this week.

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