To Sleep, Perchance to Hallucinate

Side effects include dwarfism.So we’re watching SNL — no, not the sketch where they beat Family Guy to the network-promo gag — and some prescription drug commercial comes on, and as the soothing announcer recites the side effects, we start dreading whatever disease would require suffering these consequences:

Sleepwalking, and eating or driving while not fully awake, with amnesia for the event, as well as behaviors such as being more outgoing or aggressive than normal, confusion, agitation, and hallucinations have been reported. Don’t take it with alcohol as it may increase these behaviors. In patients with depression, worsening of depression, including risk of suicidal thoughts or actions may occur.

Not to mention an unaccountable urge for demon wieners.

But what affliction could possibly be worse than this cure? Dripping kidneys? Exploding urethra? Whooping colon?

Nope: Imsomnia. It’s a sleeping pill. An while we can’t find the commercial online, upon visiting the Ambien website to double-check the fine print, we encountered the graphic here, with this warning: not actual pill size. Is that before or after the hallucinations?

Y’know, we think we’ll stick with the imsomnia. We’d hate for someone to mistake us for a zombie and blow our head off.

20 Comments

This is what I love about modern meds.

It follows the same principle as US America/Roosha Counter Insurgency Strategy: “To save the village, you must burn it down” or in this case “To get a night’s sleep, you sleepwalk, sleep eat, hallucinate or go suicidal.”

I HATE daylight savings time. Fucks up my sleep cycle. Too much sunlight in the morning makes me groggy and really pissy.

My old wives tip from my mom that works to combat insomnia? Eat a couple of walnuts a couple of hours before you want to sleep. Walnuts have melatonin, not significant amounts but better than the pills or drops.

If your hallucinations last more than 4 hours, see a doctor.

@WaltTrombone:
I think it would be easier to hallucinate one.

“Take two hits of LSD and call me in the morning.”
“Thanks Dr Pink Elephant!”

i particularly enjoy the drug ads that disclose DEATH as a possible side effect.

A sleeping pill that leaves you feeling drowsy the next day? Shit, I can get that feeling by downing half a bottle of Nyquil or, you know, from insomnia.

I love daylight savings time. Shake things up a bit or I get bored. What, we’re all gonna agree to just change the clocks? Far OUT!

@baked: Yes, like Advair! Yikes!

SuzieQ gave me amnesia, and I emailed people under the influence. The email would start off fine and then devolve into gibberish. The next day I’d wake up with the computer in my bed. Sometimes I was able to get it together enough to hit Send; sometimes I was lucky enough to find the nonsensical email in my draft folder the next day. I sent these wackadoo missives every night for about a week, and every morning I sent apologies to my friends. I didn’t get all Tourettey on them — just weird stuff like “The funniest thing happened weih jbe ihbie and ihhoo. Haaa”

ADD: I have nothing but great stuff to say about Lunesta.

My favorite is the restless leg syndrome drug that can cause uncontrollable gambling and promiscuity. You might have STDs and hundreds of thousands in debt, but you won’t have “jimmy legs” as Jon Stewart calls it.

@ManchuCandidate: Well, there’s your problem right there. Hallucinatory pink elephants are dentists, not doctors.

At least, that’s what my purple giraffe doctor told me….

@DeaconDrJones: But see, we don’t all change. That’s why DST drives me crazy. Most of Arizona doesn’t follow daylight savings time, but the Navajo reservation does. So I get confused whenever I go up there or whenever I call my aunt, who lives just off the rez but works on it. I never fucking know whether I’m coming or going.

@Jamie Sommers: Having Big Navajo on DST works for me coming in from New Mexico as I did last Sunday. No time change to worry about.

@Jamie Sommers: @DeaconDrJones:

You call him Dr. Jones, doll!

Hey! Dr. Jones, no time for love! We’ve got company.

Also, as for Ambien, you all are a bunch of pussies. Hallucinations? Night eating? I SAY BRING IT ON!!!!!!

I loves the ambien, only use it occasionally. Apparently, it will cause you to roam around raping and all manner of stuff.

I am told that the trick to hallucinating is to take it, then just force yourself to stay awake. The kids these days do it for fun, those rascals.

@Promnight:

I had a totally lucid hallucination at Universal Studios once. We were taking Mr. ‘Catt’s niece and nephew, and I saw a statue at the front moving around, and I thought…”oh, how cool, they hired one of those fake statue guys to freak out the kinds”. But when I went up there, the stature I thought had moved…was a real statue. No possibility of movement. To this day I have no idea what happened there. Flashback, possibly, but I was more into emotogens than hallucenogenics back in the day…

@Tommmcatt the Wet Sprocket: Ha! That sounds like one of Mr. SFL’s acid flashbacks.

@All: I lurve Ambien. It’s what cured my horrible insomnia I was having a few months ago that left me sleeping about 2 hours a day and feeling like I was going completely out of my mind. (I was at the height of lack of sleep when Cynica and Benedick were in town). I’ve never experienced any of those side effects – I think if you take it, go get in bed with something to read or listen to, you’re fine. It’s people who take like 20 mg and then try to do shit who have issues. Plus I take a small dosage.

@SanFranLefty: Ya do have to have a full nights sleep planned, in my experience, you don’t want to take it and get up 5 hours later.

@baked: Death is a side effect of life.

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