Smear Factor

Based on the public record of Bill’s sexual antics, you know he’s fapping to this material on a daily basis.

This is the stuff nightmares (ours) are made of?

Why aren’t there regular shifts of people with cameras trailing Fuckface O’Fucktard and asking him at every opportunity if he is still calling up employees and beating off on the telephone? The world needs to know if he’s stopped making obscene phone calls so people can answer their phones again.

@FlyingChainSaw: I would gladly chip in for the Stinque video camera and send FCS on his way…

Maybe they’ll send Fox Security over to rough her up.

Remember this? Good times:

Well, if I took you down there then I’d want to take a shower with you right away, that would be the first thing I’d do…yeah, we’d check into the room, and we would order up some room service and uh and you’d definitely get two wines into you are quickly as I could get into you I would get ’em into you… maybe intravenously, get those glasses of wine into you…

You would basically be in the shower and then I would come in and I’d join you and you would have your back to me and I would take that little loofa thing and kinda soap up your back… rub it all over you, get you to relax, hot water… and um… you know, you’d feel the tension drain out of you and uh you still would be with your back to me then I would kinda put my arm — it’s one of those mitts, those loofa mitts you know, so I got my hands in it… and I would put it around front, kinda rub your tummy a little bit with it, and then with my other hand I would start to massage your boobs, get your nipples really hard… ‘cuz I like that and you have really spectacular boobs…

So anyway I’d be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda kissing your neck from behind… and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I’d put it on your pussy but you’d have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business.

Honestly, I’m not worked up about this. I blame Keith Olbermann for blunting my rage against O’Reilly, turning it into this dull, almost invisible pain.

I like to fantasize that if I ever found myself in a situation like our intrepid blogger here, I’d have the presence of mind to grab the camera that’s usually on me, switch it to video mode, and start filming right back at the dorks from Fox. In truth, I’m sure I’d just get flustered and stammer a lot, providing rich, “IanJ is, in fact, incapable of forming a coherent sentence” footage.

@IanJ: I hope that I get a Taser for Easter, so that I can shock the hell out of said confrontational douchebag. It’d be worth the felony.

@rptrcub: You can get one in pink (or leopard print) with a laser sight, flashlight and mp3 player. See your Easter Bunny about it. Might come in handy in your neighborhood.

http://techland.blogs.fortune.cnn.com/2008/01/07/pretty-painful-in-pink-the-mp3-playing-taser/

@blogenfreude: Dude, I’m trying to eat a bowl of oatmeal. And now all I can think of is oatmeal scrub and loofahs/falafals. Please warn us.

@blogenfreude:
Ugh. And I like Falafels.

SanFranLefty: Yes, a change of subject is a good idea. Thus… DEVELOPING HARD: Black Eagle to go to Notre Dame commencement in Mayish. Usual suspects outraged.

Miss Israel 2009 is in the IDF.

http://blog.wired.com/defense/2009/03/israeli-army-ne.html

@homofascist:

Oh, God yes.

“Mr. O’Reilly , can you confirm or deny that the boy scout you were felching had an anal fistula at the time of said slurping? Was it six cue balls or seven that you had up your ass at the time? Could you put down the donkey splooge smoothie and comment?”

@rptrcub:

Cubbie! Where the hell have you been?

@chicago bureau: He’s coming here to Sun Devil territory as well.

@chicago bureau: Anger is an energy.

@chicago bureau: And will wonders never cease, they are gonna let an abortionist speak at Noter dame, and the Cardinal of NY says he is open to the idea of allowing priests to be heterosexual:

“Cardinal Egan says the Catholic church should consider ending celibacy rules and allowing priests to marry.

“It’s a perfectly legitimate discussion,” Egan said during a recent interview on an Albany radio station. “I think it has to be looked at.”

The cardinal’s remarks are seen as a not-so-subtle signal to his replacement, Milwaukee Archbishop Timothy Dolan, to keep an open mind on the controversial issue.

“I’m not so sure it wouldn’t be a good idea to decide [whether priests can be married] on the basis of geography and culture, not to make an across-the-board determination,” Egan said in the March 10 interview.

Egan noted that priests in the Eastern European Catholic churches, such as the Romanian, Maronite and Melchite churches, are allowed to be married with “no problem at all.”

Prommie: “Anger is an energy.”

If so, perhaps we should put a windmill on Medea Susan Benjamin’s head. (Actually, that would be fun regardless.)

Comment brought on by latest antics of Code Pink, which today —

[CB suffers narcoleptic event, starts snoring loudly]

@chicago bureau: This was my favorite part of the article:

“As a Notre Dame parent and supporter, I am outraged by this invitation to Barack Obama. I have apologized to my eight children for the poor guidance I provided them when I encouraged them to enroll at Notre Dame,” Lauinger said in the letter.

I’m sure this guy has plenty of reasons to apologize to his eight (!) kids, but I doubt going to Notre Dame is one of them … unless it’s to apologize for encouraging them to go to a school that blasphemies Hay-zeus by erecting a idol and calling him “Touchdown Jesus.”

@Jamie Sommers: Don’t worry, he’ll calm down after his daily fifth of scotch.

@Prommie:

Breaking: Catholic News Services reports that Cardinal Egan of New York will be found dead tomorrow of apparently natural causes.

@homofascist: Takes me 3 to 4 days to kill a fifth of gin, thats just moderate, beneficial alcohol ingestion, right? Right? Amiright here?

@Tommmcatt the Wet Sprocket: I has teh Busy. Grad school midterms, Mr. Cub and work have taken their toll on my online life. Not to say that Mr. Cub hasn’t been a joy — he has and is totally worth it.

Can I just say how much I lurve Barney Frank right now? First he called Justice Scalia a homophobe, now he told the Code Pinkers to grow up and act their ages.

Ha ha ha ha.

@Prommie: I think HF was talking about the Notre Dame daddy, not you.

@Prommie: My earliest frame of reference for alcohol came in middle school, seventh grade maybe, when our science teacher told us, “Don’t drink a fifth of anything in one sitting; you will get alcohol poisoning.” She was probably right, though I don’t have the field data to support it.

@SanFranLefty: I lurves him politically but I wince every time he opens his mouth. I guess I’m discriminating against the accent.

@rptrcub:

Awww, love is great for the first couple years. Not that it isn’t great after that, but it’s more of a “comfy chair” awesome rather than a “New Car Smell” awesome.

@SanFranLefty:

Fox News called the comment part of the Democrats master plan to legalize gay marriage- saying Frank was trying to make the issue a personal affair between himself and Scalia, thus forcing the Supreme Court to decide the matter based on personality.

The fumes from that stupid made my head spin for hours. It was like taking Ecstasy with all of the disorientation and none of the fun.

@Tommmcatt the Wet Sprocket: He’s moving in this summer (out of both love and economic necessity), so I’m sure the time span might be shortened. Still sweet.

@SanFranLefty: Don’t threaten me, or I’ll do another Bentley post. And there’s always you-know-who.

@redmanlaw: Yahweh is stoked.

@blogenfreude: Please, please, you know who, its been too long, please nojo, please.

@SanFranLefty: I know, I know, I was just pointing out that unlike that dude drinking the whole fifth of scotch, I am the soul of moderation with my 6 to 8 ounces of gin. Its only one tall glass full, after all.

@Prommie: Nothing new on the Stormy front I’m afraid – and you know I’ll use any excuse.

@mellbell: I asked my doctor about that when Bon Scott of AC/DC died of alcohol poisoning in 1980. He also said that putting away a fifth at one sitting would put you away as well.

RIP Bon Scott – 29 Years on the Highway to Hell

AC/DC – “Touch Too Much”

God, we got fucked up at the two-man dorm room wake . . .

@SanFranLefty:
Uncle Barney cracks me up:
“I understand that there are some people for whom rational discussion is not an appropriate means of expressing themselves. You are entitled to do that in general, but not in a way that interrupts those of us who are trying to have rational discussions,” he said. “The next one who holds a sign will be ejected.”

Oh snap!
Of course, by that standard, he should have tossed Crazee Eyes Bachmann out on her tuckus as soon as she opened her trap.

@Jamie Sommers:

Small problem: when’s the last time Congress had a rational discussion?

Are we talking the Tip O’Neill years?

Jamie Sommers: That is what they call a dopeslap. Code Pink has been begging for one for a while.

[I could easily use the female version of “dopeslap,” but there could be (perhaps deservedly) a very feminist critique of that word in this context. The culturally-aware new-age guy in me feels compelled to avoid such a throwdown. You’re welcome.]

[ADD: Click/Clack provide instructions on how to properly execute a dopeslap.]

@chicago bureau: Closet sexist pig!

@chicago bureau: Allow me, kind sir.

BITCHSLAP, YO!

oh, and to bring this back to the OT …

Terkel on Countdown tonight

@Jamie Sommers: And besides, let’s get to the important part of that HuffPo story on the Code Pinkers….WTF is up with that dark pink ruffled skirt with the light pink petticoats underneath it? That alone would be worth the verbal bitchslap if she had been sitting there quietly in that fugly get-up, and I’m sure it annoyed Uncle Barney’s ghey fashion sensibility (not that he has much of it).

@Jamie Sommers:
Lesson: Code Pinkers need to get elected before anyone takes their crazee seriously.

@Prommie: @redmanlaw: Wimps. My grandfather consumed a fifth of bourbon a day for at least 25 years and died in his late 80s without a speck of liver damage. And I never saw him hungover (of course, I probably never saw him sober). The genes in that branch of the family are legendary–those people are indestructible.

@Mistress Cynica: I visited a prof on a Fulbright in Monterrey, Mexico and he consumed a case of Negro Modelo a day, usually starting at lunch. Drank them like water, I never saw him drunk, hungover or drink anything else except maybe a glass of wine with dinner. I know it ain’t bourbon, but it impressed the hell out of me. Dude was a Pittsburgher by origin, claimed steel and beer were in his blood.

@SanFranLefty: I’m pretending I didn’t see that. I have to make it through the day, y’know.

@Jamie Sommers:
Girl, look again and look a little closer and answer me this riddle: Is she wearing fucking pantaloons???

Cuz it sure as hell on second-look to me appear that oh no, those aren’t petticoats, they’re fucking Little Bo Peep pantaloons.

@Jamie Sommers:
PANTALOONS!?!?!?

Stop pretending you didn’t see them.

@SanFranLefty: *sigh*

I do not like this new version of Strawberry Shortcake. It’s ugly and smells funny.

MAKE IT GO AWAY!!!

@Jamie Sommers:

Horrifying, ain’t it?

Meanwhile, our Auntie Barney also skooled Krazee-Eyes Bachman on committee procedure today. He’s on a roll!

@blogenfreude: @Prommie:
All that is needed to justify a post is a picture of Stormy in a Bentley. Right?

Or, for that matter, any car that anyone has mentioned at any time in any car thread.

Or, perhaps a picture where it looks like she is thinking pimping out a Bentley.

Happy to help.

@Hose Manikin: Why do you encourage them?! Have you been hanging out with that rascal SBT?

@SanFranLefty: Please. We don’t move in the same social circles.

PANTALOONS!!!!

Apologies. I will let it go at some point.

But that fucking Code Pinker who Aunt Barney bitchslapped was wearing fucking pantaloons.

PANTALOONS!!!!

What.The.Fuck.

@SanFranLefty: My fashion knowledge is shabby at best, but are those not Pantalettes?

@Ewalda:
What are pantalettes?

Do you mean coolots?

No.

They’re pantaloons.

Like Gone With the Wind fucking pantaloons.

@SanFranLefty: Great. Next we’re gonna see a resurgence of jodhpurs. Then come the plus-fours. Next thing you know, we’re all up to our ears in Elizabethan ruffs, puffy tights and heavy woollen travel cloaks.

I’m staking my claim to the great kilt, though.

@SanFranLefty: whatever they are, they’re disgraceful. as is the wearer. go barney!

@IanJ: My kitty is sporting the latest in Elizabethan ruff funnel-head collars.

@SanFranLefty: Miss Scarlett wore Pantalettes in GWTW, and Rhett made fun of her for it.

@IanJ: @SanFranLefty: @Ewalda: Let’s hope we don’t drift into manpri country.

The Code Pink ladies were sort of fun in DC. Of course I would have slapped a bitch silly for wearing those.

@SanFranLefty:
Rhett Butler: And those pantalettes, I don’t know a woman in Paris who wears pantalettes.
Scarlett: Oh Rhett, what do they – you shouldn’t talk about such things.
Rhett Butler: You little hypocrite. You don’t mind my knowing about them, just my talking about it.

@SanFranLefty: He is probably thinking the whole time “I saw your husband sucking cock in the Capitol bathroom.”

@homofascist: I don’t have a problem with Code Pink. Unless they eventually start to self-immolate. Then it just gets gross. Smells bad, too. Also leaves a stain you just can’t get out.

@Ewalda: Seriously. I would worry about the toxic fumes coming off that cheap ass clothing.

@SanFranLefty: @SanFranLefty: Doing a quick Google image search, they may in fact be pantaloons underneath a petticoat.

Wait, Poor little middle-progressive Think Progress is “Far-Left”? WTF?
Oh, wait, I’m not supposed to mention this stuff anymore. Sorry, move on, nothing to see here.

@homofascist: Why the need for double layers, the belt and suspender, so to speak?

@Ewalda: Sugar, I hate to break it to you, but at this point in our national rhetoric, the Dallas Morning News is considered left-wing. TP is flaming Commie level. USA Today is socialist. Can’t you get with the program already?