Wall Street Bigs Too Busy Pestorking Pricey Hookers to Manage Portfolios
Not only were Wall Street masters of the universe too incompetent, spineless and corrupt to run their portfolios straight, they were also way too busy pestorking the bejesus out of four- and five-figure hookers and walking around in euphoric post-coital fogs to figure out their businesses were monstrous fucking doomsday machines spinning out of control and winding up to destroy Western civilization. Then again, how could anyone with an endless supply of retirement fund money from witless investors to spend on busloads of fuck-ready supermodels actually care about anything?
Ha. Haha. Hahaha. Yeah, yeah, bring in two bus loads of them! Everyone knows the fucking buses are so much smaller these days. Yeah, hey, the leftover caviar at the bond department – hey, just pour it right on the desks and we’ll fuck ’em right there, swimming in the fucking stinking fucking fish fucking ooze. Oh, yeah. And get the guys from equities research to bring down some of that great blow and we’ll snort it off of their asses before we fuck ’em!
ABC News reports: Wall street lawyers, investment bankers, CEOs and media executives often used corporate credit cards to pay for $2,000 an hour prostitutes, according to the madam who ran one of New York’s biggest and most expensive escort services until it was busted last year.
The masters of industry and everything else were not only pillaging your pension accounts for their ridiculous wages and outsized benefits – they were also allegedly stealing from their own companies to pay for the services of NY madam Kristen Davis’ ultrawhore agencies, slut stables that delivered the poontang of choice for disgaraced former NY Governor Eliot Spitzer.
Here’s what the guys handling your financial future did during the day while you were slaving away to provide them with fresh pension funds to subsidize their Caligulan urges, according to ABC News:
an investment banker from Lehman Brothers who saw “Kelsey and Keely together” and later saw “Aria and Skyler at the same time”
an investment banker at JP Morgan Securities who “loves Brooke” and spent $41,600
an investment banker at Goldman Sachs who “only wanted all-American girls” and spent $27,000
a managing director from Merrill Lynch who saw “Lana” using the name “Nataly”
a managing director from Deutsche Bank “who called about seeing Nataly again”
If you have investments or pensions plans at these firms, since you’re funding Wall Street managers’ sex lives, call them to demand your part of the poontang parade, or at least a lunchtime blowjob. Still, even Stinque admits, this may be logistically infeasible. No, we have a better idea to restore justice and perhaps get something for the tax dollars dumped willy nilly into Wall Street since last year.
Stinque posits this modest proposal to return sex to the proletariate that is so oppressed by the crimes of Wall Street. Stinque demands that the Obama Administration establish the Blow Jobs for Unemployed, Bankrupted and Homeless America Progarm BJUBHAP (Pronounced like a contraction of the words pajama and bim bim bap) to offer some comfort to the victims of Wall Street’s perfidies.
Here’s how it works. Wall Street execs bailed out by US taxpayers would be driven around on luxury coach busses to suck off the homeless, bankrupted and unemployed dregs they helped create. Films of their rugged service to the nation would be broadcast on ESPN pay-per-view with 20% going to the Federal treasury to pay down the gargantuan debt they help create.
What say you, Stinquers? Justice or what?