Smells Like Teen Mitt

It’s not news that Mitt Romney was a vicious asshole as an 18-year-old boarding-school student in 1965. It’s not even character-defining, although we’ll admit to amusement that Mitt was a pro-Establishment college protester the next year. The reason Mitt’s dog story has legs is that he was a thirtysomething adult when he strapped Seamus to the roof of the family station wagon. And Mitt was a fortysomething adult when he stuffed his suit with money for a celebratory Bain photo. The clock on Youthful Indiscretion starts running out after 25.

Mitt is 65 now. And you would think, when confronted by a story from the distant past vouched by multiple classmates, that he would have a better response than this:

“Back in high school I did some dumb things and if anybody was hurt by that or offended by that I apologize,” Romney told FOX radio host Brian Kilmeade Thursday. “If I did stupid things, I’m afraid I’ve got to say sorry for it.”

Romney, 65, noted he graduated from high school nearly five decades ago, and said, “I’m quite a different guy now.” He admitted “I participated in a lot of hijinks and pranks in high school and some of them might have gone too far, and I apologize.”

You really have to hear that to understand how hollow it rings. (Try to ignore Kilmeade’s abject cocksucking.) It’s not just the casual chuckles that others have noted — boys will be boys! — it’s the sheer inability to own up to the horror of his transgression: A horror Mitt’s victim felt for the rest of his life, as well as some of Teen Mitt’s fellow bullies.

Apologizing for something you did in high school — especially when you’re 65 — is as close as you get to a free pass. If anything, you’re rewarded for playing up the anguish: “I’m deeply sorry,” Mitt could have said, in the most solemn baritone he can muster. “I did some stupid, hateful things in high school, and I would hope that I’ve long since grown out of it. All I can do now is ask the forgiveness of anybody I’ve harmed.”

See how easy that would have been? America loves a recovered sinner.

But that’s not what happened. And that’s the news from yesterday’s story: Not what Mitt did in 1965, but what he failed to do in 2012. Forget about Obama apologizing for America, Mitt. Learn how to apologize for yourself.

15 comments:

8:26 am • Friday • May 11, 2012

It’s hard to apologize when one doesn’t understand what one did wrong.

No empathy. Mitt is a fucking robot.

8:28 am • Friday • May 11, 2012

I would have been critical of the Obama campaign playing up this incident (since it was pointed out that Barack was eating dog-on-a-stick at about the same time), but apparently they knew Rmoney would give such a generalized, tepid response.

It’s gonna be a long campaign, I see.

9:47 am • Friday • May 11, 2012

Exactly: it’s not that he was a rich prick and a bully while in high schol. It’s the way he’s responded to the incident now that’s he’s old nenough to know better. though the GOP was all about personjal responsibility? Maybe like everything else “personal responsibility” is just code for throwing widows and orphans out on the street.

10:21 am • Friday • May 11, 2012

Tool is tool-ly and insensate. This is not going to have traction, I don’t think. I would push the protest photo if I were the Obama campaign, it makes him look like even more of a dingus.

TJ/Presented without comment.

10:36 am • Friday • May 11, 2012

@Serolf Divad: Exactly. It’s typical of the non-apology that has become standard in recent years–”I’m sorry if you were hurt”–rather than an actual apology: “I’m sorry I hurt you.” One takes responsibility for a wrong, the other just pushes the blame on the “over-sensitive baby” who got his widdle feelings hurt. See the difference, people? (Because sadly, such pathetic behavior is not exclusively the province of the GOP and right-wing nutjobs).

11:07 am • Friday • May 11, 2012

“If I did stupid things, I’m afraid I’ve got to say sorry for it.”

Maybe I did and maybe I didn’t, but having to apologize is a fearful thing.

11:09 am • Friday • May 11, 2012

“It’s not even character-defining” huh?
Remember the last youthful bully/prankster elected president?

11:09 am • Friday • May 11, 2012

@matador1015: @Serolf Divad: Once again, Ivy Leaguer Obama is playing chess with the Cracker Barrel checkers crowd. Anybody remember the boondocks cracker barrel cartoon?

11:20 am • Friday • May 11, 2012

This all sounds like pretty standard boarding-school behavior. What I want to know is who was wanking him off. And was sodomy involved.

11:23 am • Friday • May 11, 2012

From the Department of Why I Prefer the Company of Dogs to Most Human Beings:

Trayvon Martin Gun Range Targets Selling Out Online

11:38 am • Friday • May 11, 2012

@SanFranLefty: Ugh.

@Benedick: You always ask the probing questions.

12:58 pm • Friday • May 11, 2012

@Tommmcatt Wears A Hoodie Daily: I totally busted out laughing over:

…what was there before you were born? What do you remember? That is nature. Nature is a void. An emptiness. A vacuum. And speaking of vacuum, I am not sure you’re using the retractable nozzle correctly or applying the ‘full weft’ setting when attending to the lush carpets of the den.

and

Thank you for listening and sorry if parts of this note were smudged. I have been weeping.

Your money is under the guillotine.

1:00 pm • Friday • May 11, 2012

@Tommmcatt Wears A Hoodie Daily: At first I thought it was a joke, but it’s just so weird and bizarre there’s no way someone could make this up.

1:15 pm • Friday • May 11, 2012

@¡Andrew!: I think the line about weeping is my favorite.

1:21 pm • Friday • May 11, 2012

What was with Mittycakes’ obsession with hair styles? And why was he running around campus with hair stylist shears?

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