Smells Like Teen Mitt
It’s not news that Mitt Romney was a vicious asshole as an 18-year-old boarding-school student in 1965. It’s not even character-defining, although we’ll admit to amusement that Mitt was a pro-Establishment college protester the next year. The reason Mitt’s dog story has legs is that he was a thirtysomething adult when he strapped Seamus to the roof of the family station wagon. And Mitt was a fortysomething adult when he stuffed his suit with money for a celebratory Bain photo. The clock on Youthful Indiscretion starts running out after 25.
Mitt is 65 now. And you would think, when confronted by a story from the distant past vouched by multiple classmates, that he would have a better response than this:
“Back in high school I did some dumb things and if anybody was hurt by that or offended by that I apologize,” Romney told FOX radio host Brian Kilmeade Thursday. “If I did stupid things, I’m afraid I’ve got to say sorry for it.”
Romney, 65, noted he graduated from high school nearly five decades ago, and said, “I’m quite a different guy now.” He admitted “I participated in a lot of hijinks and pranks in high school and some of them might have gone too far, and I apologize.”
You really have to hear that to understand how hollow it rings. (Try to ignore Kilmeade’s abject cocksucking.) It’s not just the casual chuckles that others have noted — boys will be boys! — it’s the sheer inability to own up to the horror of his transgression: A horror Mitt’s victim felt for the rest of his life, as well as some of Teen Mitt’s fellow bullies.
Apologizing for something you did in high school — especially when you’re 65 — is as close as you get to a free pass. If anything, you’re rewarded for playing up the anguish: “I’m deeply sorry,” Mitt could have said, in the most solemn baritone he can muster. “I did some stupid, hateful things in high school, and I would hope that I’ve long since grown out of it. All I can do now is ask the forgiveness of anybody I’ve harmed.”
See how easy that would have been? America loves a recovered sinner.
But that’s not what happened. And that’s the news from yesterday’s story: Not what Mitt did in 1965, but what he failed to do in 2012. Forget about Obama apologizing for America, Mitt. Learn how to apologize for yourself.
It’s hard to apologize when one doesn’t understand what one did wrong.
No empathy. Mitt is a fucking robot.