While we wait for Heaven’s Hoover to vacuum the faithful from our mortal coil — 6 p.m. local time, we’re promised — please enjoy this Naughty Trick you can perform with a child’s toy. Hey, if you’re gonna spend eternity in Hades, might as well make it worth your while.

[via Nerdist]

Whitehouse Post is a special-effects shop that would like your business, if your business has a need for digital simulations of shit blowing up.

If not, please enjoy this head-asploding demo reel on the house.

[via Nerdist]

Turn Off the Dark’s Reign of Terror Returns on May 12th [Topless Robot, via Comics Alliance]

As you no doubt know by now, whether or not you care to, HRH The Crown Grandprince is also Duke of Cambridge, Earl of Strathearn, and — no, really — Baron Carrickfergus, titles bestowed upon His Royal Male Pattern Baldness by HM The Corgi Wrangler, and scandalously proving that she’s been watching more Monty Python than Buckingham Palace has let on.

Perhaps it’s one of those state secrets only Prime Ministers are told upon assuming office. Like the existence of witches.

We of course were immediately consumed by a desire to learn more about the barony, since we don’t know which sketch it’s derived from. (“Baron Spamshire” would have been too obvious, and we’re sure HM dismissed it the moment Prince Philip suggested it.)

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Donald Trump never writes us. And Donald Trump won’t shut up about Birtherism. So let’s see whether we can get some personal attention from America’s Short-Fingered Vulgarian.

We learned last week that Donald Trump gets his Birther bullet-points from WorldNetDaily, a website we’ve been following for as long as we’ve been blogging. WND inadvertently proved Obama’s Hawaiian birth beyond doubt a couple years ago, but instead of just linking back to that post again, let’s take it from the top — for Donald Trump’s benefit. We’ve even provided some scribble space for him to respond.

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Our guest columnist is Pennsylvania federal district judge Mary McLaughlin, who writes “boobies” sixty times in the original.

This case involves a middle school’s ban on breast cancer awareness bracelets that bear the slogan “I ♥ Boobies (Keep A Breast)” and similar statements. These bracelets are distributed by the Keep A Breast Foundation, which operates breast cancer education programs and campaigns that are oriented toward young women. On the school’s designated breast cancer awareness day, two female students defied the school’s bracelet prohibition and both were suspended for a day and a half and prohibited from attending an upcoming school dance. The students, by and through their parents, filed this law suit seeking, among other things, a preliminary injunction to enjoin the school district from enforcing the ban…

The “I ♥ Boobies! (Keep A Breast)” bracelets became popular with students at the Easton Area Middle School during the beginning of the 2010-2011 school year, which began on August 30, 2010. In mid- to late-September, approximately four or five of the 120 teachers in the Middle School’s 7-8 building spoke to or electronically contacted [assistant principal] Ms. Braxmeier about the “I ♥ Boobies! (Keep A Breast)” bracelets. The teachers sought instruction regarding how the school would choose to handle the bracelets. The three principals, Mr. Viglianti, Ms. Braxmeier, and Ms. DiVietro, conferred and agreed that the bracelets should be banned.

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We’re not slow to criticize CNN as The Most Trusted Name in Abdicating News, so we were naturally curious about a Friday segment that TPM described as distressingly squishy:

CNN got in on the action Friday afternoon with a little segment that lets “you decide” whether Trump’s rants are valid or not, treating a point of fact as though it were theory.

“Donald Trump says Obama wasn’t born here,” CNN anchor Deborah Feyerick says, in a teaser for the segment. “We’ll show you the evidence, and let you decide.”

Well, we’ve watched the segment a couple of times, and it does a solid job of describing the Hawaii birth certificate and its legal status, as well as reviewing — and dismissing — the claim that Obama’s grandmother said he was born in Kenya. Maybe the teaser was ill-advised, but it looked like a decent fact-checking segment from here.

And really, CNN should be commended for the best one-line description we’ve seen of Donald Trump since Short-Fingered Vulgarian.

CNN Lets ‘You Decide’ About Trump’s ‘Birther’ Claims [TPM]