“Secret experiments now underway in the U.S. and elsewhere are sparking fears of a potential extinction-level event hastening the 2nd Coming of Jesus.” [WND]

Garden & Gun

52 Things You’ll Only See In America [BuzzFeed, via Sully]

“House Republicans are holding an emergency meeting of the Rules Committee on Wednesday to take up legislation that would block funding to NPR in the wake of James O’Keefe’s hidden camera prank on the news organization.” [TPM]

Over the past twenty minutes, a mysterious contrail-emitting vessel darkened the skies over Stinque World Domination Headquarters, leaving curious glyphs that we’re sure NASA scientists are already hard at work deciphering. We think that Earthling Ken is in danger of having his heart removed after the anal probe is administered. Or perhaps it’s a warning that anybody found with two hearts should be immediately quarantined. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s the world’s most expensive text message.

“Gawker.com, where the author is employed as a staff writer, declined to publish this story.” Editor’s note opening a Scientology exposé by John Cook at the New York Observer, edited by Gawker founding blogger Elizabeth Spiers. Cook says the story was “taking too long” for Gawker.

“Five South Dakota lawmakers have introduced legislation that would require any adult 21 or older to buy a firearm ‘sufficient to provide for their ordinary self-defense.'” [Sioux Falls Argus Leader]

“Government officials say the colors in the nation’s terror alert system will be gone by April 27. The officials, speaking on condition of anonymity to discuss the pending announcement, say the Homeland Security Department will begin a 90-day phasing out of the system on Thursday.” [AP/WaPo]