Barry gets, how you say, uppity:

“You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig,” Sen. Obama said during a town hall style event in Lebanon, Virginia. The comment was a reference to Gov. Palin’s joke during the Republican National Convention that lipstick is the only difference between a pit bull and a hockey mom.

Ummm, okay… But as much as we’d like to see some offense, something tells us this might might not spin well. His other one-liner was less provocative: “You can wrap an old fish in a piece of paper called ‘change,’ it’s still going to stink.”

Obama Turns Up Heat on Palin [WSJ]

We felt a disturbance in the Force upon the release of the latest polls Monday, but before everyone rushes off to their favorite Tatooine dive bar to drink themselves into oblivion while the world blows up, a note of caution:

National polls don’t mean shit.

Sure, they’re amusing, and fun to chatter about when we’re not trash-talking Talibunny, but after our civics lesson in 2000 — Al Gore won the popular vote, in case you haven’t heard — we should be well aware of the Dead Hands of the Founders upon our electoral system.

The action is in the states, and state polls are the only polls that matter. Our Telestrator seems to be broken, but if you imagine us doing a Minority Report on the map, you’ll see that the vase looks just like a face.

Hold on, wrong map.

Okay. The two joints we follow both show Obama with commanding leads in the electoral-vote count — especially in sure-thing states — and this hasn’t changed all summer. Because they both average polls over the past week, they won’t really show the effect of Moose & Squirrelcheeks for a few more days, but if all Talibunny does is make red states redder, we’re not worried.

But we will have that drink. Who needs an excuse?

Electoral Vote.com • Pollster.com

Congratulations to the Washington Post for bagging the first trophy of the Presidential Hunting Season, a handsome 12-point buck of a scandal involving America’s Talibunny:

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has billed taxpayers for 312 nights spent in her own home during her first 19 months in office, charging a “per diem” allowance intended to cover meals and incidental expenses while traveling on state business.

That would be a tidy $16,951 collected for sleeping in her own bed. Go Mavericks!

Palin Billed State for Nights Spent at Home [WaPo]

Barry takes up Rachel’s suggestion, calls lying for what it is. Can America handle the truth?

McCain’s running mate, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, speaking in Colorado Springs, Colo., said Fannie and Freddie had “gotten too big and too expensive to the taxpayers.” The companies, however, aren’t taxpayer funded but operate as private companies. The takeover may result in a taxpayer bailout during reorganization.

Granted, the only folks who will find that funny are the handful who know how Fannie and Freddie work. And granted, that handful doesn’t include their managements. But it’s a start.

Candidates briefed on seizure of Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac [McClatchy via TPM]

Q. Are you a liberal partisan hate rag?

A. No. We hate all idiots equally.

Q. Why are you using a derogatory term against women?

A. You mean “cunt” and “trollop”? You must have us confused with Maverick McCain.

Oh, pussy. Right. Actually, “you’re a pussy” is a common expression accusing someone of lacking courage, especially in an athletic context such as hockey games. But if you’d like, John McCain is a dick. Fair’s fair.

Q. I get it. People think differently than you so they aren’t thinking for themselves.

A. No, people reading from someone else’s canned scripts aren’t thinking for themselves. People who think differently from us are merely wrong.

Q. This is liberalism to its core: I’m smarter than you are and I’m going to yell and rant till you agree with me.

A. We are, we will, but we don’t expect you to agree with us. To quote Lex Luthor, “My genius is no match for your ignorance.”

Q. She ain’t gonna find an unbiased network except for Fox.

A. If the survival of the human race were dependent upon your acuity, we’d be worried. Which, come to think of it, we are.

Q. She has a major in journalism and a minor in political science. She was also an on-air sports reporter, so I think she knows how to handle the media and their pettiness.

A. It’s not Chris Matthews we’re worried about, it’s Vladmir Putin, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Hu Jintao, Kim Jong-il, and whoever has the launch codes in Pakistan, for starters. If Sarah Palin is too chickenshit to chat up even Katie Couric, we fear for the Republic when John McCain is taken out in a tragic motocross accident next year.

Q. Perhaps, and I’m really going out on a limb here, she’s spending some precious time with her family before she hits the road. You know, with that baby with Downs and with her pregnant daughter.

A. Or maybe, just maybe, John McCain selected a manifestly unprepared governor of Alaska with no known interest in national or international issues as his running mate to appease the Fundamentalist power brokers in his party and skim off a few Hillary voters in the bargain, handed her a prewritten and hastily revised speech to deliver at his convention, sent her on the road with a teleprompter to make sure she sticks to the script, and is taking pains that she avoid any extemporaneous contact with a microphone for fear she says something that reveals how little she knows or how divisive her views on social issues are.

But that’s just us spitballing.

Q. Palin has agreed to an interview with Charlie Gibson of ABC. What do you have to say about that, smartass?

A. We welcome the opportunity to drop “pussy” and switch over to the more delightful “Talibunny.”

Can Sarah Palin think for herself? [Debate Policy]

We hope you enjoyed the Keith & Chris Show at the conventions, because it’s just been canceled.

David Gregory will be anchoring MSNBC coverage of the debates and election night. Viewers complained that Olbermann and Matthews were too interesting and lacked the soporific run-on mastery of Wolf Blitzer.

Joe Scarborough was shoveling out back and could not be reached for comment.

MSNBC Drops Olbermann, Matthews as News Anchors [WaPo]