Savior Season

Uncle Joe isn’t gonna save us, is he?

We wanted Uncle Joe to save us. That’s who everybody said we wanted, anyway. Everybody’s worried that we don’t want Grandpa Bernie to save us, or Aunt Liz. Everybody’s worried about what we think. They think we want Uncle Joe to save us. Only Uncle Joe isn’t gonna save us.

But maybe Cranky Mike will!

Cranky Mike is rich, after all. Really rich. Like, Scrooge McDuck rich. Maybe Cranky Mike can save us. He’s rich enough to save us. Cranky Mike can afford to save us.

God knows we need somebody saving us. Only not Grandpa Bernie or Aunt Liz. We don’t want them saving us. We’re pretty sure the neighbors don’t anyway. Sure, Don Vader is all evil and shit, but if it’s a choice between Evil Don and anybody saving us, well, kind of depends who’s saving us, doesn’t it? Maybe the neighbors don’t want Grandpa Bernie or Aunt Liz saving them. Maybe, given that choice, they’ll figure that Evil Don isn’t all that evil.

And then nobody will save us. Because given the choice between evil and uncomfortable, the neighbors will choose Evil every time.

Don’t ask us how we know. We just do.

There’s a lot at stake, you understand. The fate of our Republic. Tyranny or Freedom. We can’t take chances. We could live with Uncle Joe or Cranky Mike if we had to. But we know the neighbors couldn’t live with with Grandpa Bernie or Aunt Liz. We just do. We know that if the choice is between kids in cages and healthcare for everybody, the neighbors will choose the cages every time. The neighbors can live with kids in cages, after all. They can’t live with healthcare for everybody. Not if that’s the only choice.

So Cranky Mike it is! Unless it’s not. It’s not Uncle Joe, after all. We thought it was, and then it wasn’t, and if it’s not Cranky Mike either, we don’t know who will save us. Certainly not Grandpa Bernie or Aunt Liz. Nobody wants them saving us.

Certainly nobody on teevee, anyway. And really, who else is there?

10 comments:

1:43 pm • Monday • February 17, 2020

I want to go live with Aunt Liz. Goddess help us if it’s insufferable smug little cousin Petey.

1:50 pm • Monday • February 17, 2020

@SanFranLefty: Cousin Petey insists on playing Monopoly without the Free Parking bonus because it’s not in the rules.

11:02 pm • Monday • February 17, 2020

As you may know, my hubby & I are enthusiastic Warren supporters and have been donating to her campaign for over a year. She’ll be here in Seattle on Saturday, and we’re totally there. Why her campaign seems to be runnin’ out of juice at this point is beyond me.

That said, what about a Sanders/Buttigieg ticket to unify the Dems? It could counter the age claim about Sanders, what with this golden boy gay JFK waiting in the wings.

I’m honestly starting to think that Warren may be far more effective in changing the balance of power in this country by becoming the next secretary of the treasury. Wow, I mean she could really upend the status quo of corporate corruption, possibly far more meaningfully than as a President trying to negotiate policy with Congress.

Thoughts?

P.S. We also need Kamala Harris as the next AG to send all those Tr666pfuckers to jail.

11:40 pm • Monday • February 17, 2020

@¡Andrew!: I’m not thinking about team-ups yet, but everybody except Biden knows he was chosen to appear safe to the fretful. Whether Bernie would pull that move, dunno. Not the kind of thing he seems to worry about.

11:45 pm • Monday • February 17, 2020

@¡Andrew!: Bernie could reach deeper and grab a random Castro. Hispanics are almost one in five Americans now.

10:43 am • Thursday • February 20, 2020

/the Onion/

“Rod Blagojevich Somehow Already Governor Of Illinois Again Minutes After Prison Release”

9:16 pm • Saturday • February 22, 2020

@¡Andrew!:
Till Anderson Cooper verbally shot him and threw him into a dumpster.

That fucker still belongs in jail.

10:08 pm • Saturday • February 22, 2020

AOC is coming to town. I’ve put in for overtime.

11:53 am • Sunday • February 23, 2020

Warren was here last night, but we didn’t get to see her : (
For some reason, they booked a venue that could only hold 2,500 people, and the last time she was here over 15,000 turned out.

Also, photoshops of Bearded Buttigieg are making the rounds, and he’s Mayor Woof now (OMG that pornstache–sizzle). Slap on some aviator shades, and we’ll be caucusing for hours. I don’t think I’ve ever had impure thoughts about a presidential candidate b4.

1:42 pm • Sunday • February 23, 2020

@Beggars Biscuit: She is such a ray of hope & sunshine. We need about 400 more just like her.

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