Seven Experiments With Cats
Methodology: Open the front door.
Result: Cat does not go out. Nor does cat stay in.
Conclusion: Cats are incapable of making up their own damn minds.
Methodology: Scratch belly while cat in supine position.
Conclusion: Human hand bears resemblance to small mammal whose entrails must be disgorged.
Methodology: Allow cat to rub chin with face.
Conclusion: Humans are suckers who fall for it every time.
Methodology: Locate cat for veterinarian appointment.
Conclusion: Cats live in multiple dimensions, selecting the one most amenable in a given moment.
Methodology: Purchase expensive cat toy.
Result: Cat prefers paper bag it came in.
Conclusion: Don’t purchase expensive cat toys.
Methodology: Investigate state of food dish at cat’s insistence.
Conclusion: It is not the existence of food that is determinative, but the effort expended in refreshing it.
Methodology: Open can of tuna fish.
Conclusion: People with sad-eyed dogs at the dinner table don’t know how good they have it.
The Persistence Of Cat’s Memory [FatCatArt]