Impeachment Alternatives

  • String him up by his nuts.
  • Imax Pee Tape.
  • Soylent Orange.

  • Wild Boar FunFest!
  • Elon Musk test astronaut.
  • Cersei Walk of Shame, except we don’t have to look at it.
  • Laryngectomy.
  • Targeted meteor strike.
  • Invent a time machine, travel back to Mark Zuckerberg’s youth, and get him laid.
  • Parliamentary democracy.

20 comments:

9:06 pm • Friday • April 6, 2018

I’m fine with no impeachment… as long as we skip to the part where I get to soak Prezinazi AntiChrist in barbecue sauce, and then feed him feet first to a dozen enraged, starving crocodiles.

10:36 pm • Friday • April 6, 2018

I’d like some ducks.

I’m reading all of this stuff about ducks, and based on the size of my yard I could have a dozen chickens (but no rooster), or a dozen ducks, or maybe six of each, or ten and two or four and eight, one and 11, nine and three…

I’m not getting chickens because part of the deal is meat. Yes, meat. And no roosters means no chicks. Ducks are allowed to propagate because they don’t crow all day and night. Roosters crow whenever they damn well please.

I’m not comfortable about butchering animals, but that is one of the reasons I want ducks. Eventually I’m going to eat them because duck is delicious AF. (No one bring Benedick out here.) I’m trying to get used to the idea of raising food and not pets. It’s hard.

When I was 16, I was visiting my cousins on the farm, and they told me to stop naming the calfs. I named one “Stu” after Stuart Copeland, and my cousin said, yeah – he might be in your stew.

I write all that to say that now this is stuck in my mind.

11:01 pm • Friday • April 6, 2018

Oh – I thought I was writing on the shit post.

Okay:

1. Too tiny

2. No one wants to see that

3. No one wants to eat that. If Heston were still alive, we could force feed him, but alack and alas

4. There’s a GoT joke in there somewhere

5. I like this one

6. Oh, hey! GoT!

7. Without anesthesia, please

8. Too much collateral damage

9. Ha! Or teach him that stealing is not okay. Although it’s hard to feel sorry for these douches.

10. THIS

11:26 am • Sunday • April 8, 2018

Oh, wow. There’s no way I’m eating my ducks. They can live to be 12 years old. Nope. Not killing them.

12:58 pm • Tuesday • April 10, 2018

Twitler and his thug crew may single-handedly save the legal profession, since all the criming lawyers have their own lawyers who have their own lawyers who have their own lawyers in an endless Möbius strip of lawyers.

Think of all the billables!!!

3:35 pm • Tuesday • April 10, 2018

@¡Andrew!: I prefer to think of it as an endless human centipede of lawyers.

11:40 pm • Tuesday • April 10, 2018

Lawyers suck.

@¡Andrew!: Hey – you guys want to help me dig a pond this summer? I’ll supply the shovels!

11:14 am • Wednesday • April 11, 2018

@JNOV: Not so much into manual labor–these are purely vanity muscles–however I’ll be happy to bring the herbal refreshments.

You know my credo: The only thing more satisfying than a job well done is writing a check for someone else to do it : )

11:52 am • Wednesday • April 11, 2018

Wow–just wow. Fresh off aPauling Lyin’s age 48 “retirement” announcement, Jennifer Rubin has another must-read at WaPo, and it’s a damning indictment of his insatiable greed and pathetic cowardice:

Paul Ryan is abandoning the ship before it sinks

In sum, Ryan retreats from the scene after loading the country up with debt and leaving virtually every other agenda item save tax cuts undone. He fantasized that in backing Trump, who lacks conservative principles (or any principles), he’d have carte blanche to enact the entire GOP agenda. He made his Faustian bargain with Trump on the false assumption that Trump would be compliant, take direction from House Republicans and demonstrate enough discipline to get through a slew of initiatives. That did not come to pass, because Ryan, in making his disastrous decision to place party over country and corporate tax cuts over defense of democratic values, failed to comprehend the depth of Trump’s unfitness and the centrality of character in determining a president’s success.

Instead of achieving the entire GOP agenda, Ryan will leave a besmirched legacy defined by his decision to back, enable and defend Trump, no matter how objectionable Trump’s rhetoric and conduct. Ryan has come to embody the nasty scourge of tribalism that dominates our politics. The inability to separate partisan loyalty from patriotic obligation — or to assess the interests of the country and the need to defend democratic norms and institutions — is proving to be the downfall of the Republican Party and the principle threat to our liberal (small “l”) democracy. And no one is more responsible for this than Ryan. No one.

Daaaaaaaammmnnn…..

12:31 pm • Wednesday • April 11, 2018

@¡Andrew!: Rubin’s been as surprising as Kristol in all this. Whatever else I may think of them, credit for seeing the shit for what it is.

1:40 pm • Wednesday • April 11, 2018

@nojo: Ya know the times are terrifyin’ when ya find yourself agreeing with Rubin (and Kristol Meth, and Brooks, and Friedman, and Rich Lowry, and George muthafreakin’ Will–ugh!!!)

7:26 pm • Wednesday • April 11, 2018

@¡Andrew!: Ha! Okay – I’ll have you down once the duckings are scooting around, and we can trip out on them acting crazy. You get to watch out for hawks and bobcats, and maybe cougars. Definitely raccoons – you get the raccoon watch.

@nojo and ¡Andrew!: I know. We’re living in the upside down.

8:45 pm • Wednesday • April 11, 2018

Man, fuck Paul Ryan, enabling fuck.

10:30 am • Thursday • April 12, 2018

@JNOV: The word you’re looking for is “coward”.

1:41 pm • Thursday • April 12, 2018

OMFG–Yayuss! The Onion’s headline on aPauling Lyin’:

Entitled Deadbeat Finally Breaks Out Of 20-Year Cycle Of Government Dependency

9:13 pm • Thursday • April 12, 2018

Yeah. And fuck James Comey while we’re at it. I think the craziest shit I read today was about the Pruitt coin. These people have NO shame.

11:30 am • Friday • April 13, 2018

@JNOV: Comey is the only playah so far in this pathetic, sordid, sleazy tale who’s gotten what he deserved.

12:13 pm • Friday • April 13, 2018

@¡Andrew!: A gigantic book deal?

1:08 pm • Friday • April 13, 2018

@nojo: Fired.

9:27 pm • Friday • April 13, 2018

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Cohen went to Prague
The dossier is true

…wait…wait…let’s bomb Syria!!

#WagTheDog

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