Choose Your Own Misadventure!

Second prize is a set of steak knives.

Of the many, many, many metaphors available to us — well, honestly, we can’t choose. There’s the Clown Car, of course, or Stealers Wheel (ask your parents!), or Wigstock, or Usual Suspects, or…

Really, folks: This is so ridiculous, nobody’s even bothering to find Incriminating Corndog Photos yet.

So we throw up our hands and welcome you to our GOP Debate Open Thread/Cleveland Steamer. Word to the wise: If you plan on making Hair Jokes, you’re gonna have a lot of competition.

29 comments:

8:46 pm • Thursday • August 6, 2015

Just FYI, word going around the neo-nutzie crackahsphere is that the Don Don is a false flag candidate arranged by none other than BEEL CLINTUN (and presumably HIZ PAYNISS) in order to disgust everyday voters and give RepubliKKKans a bad name (by telling the screeching, orc-like Republican base exactly what they want to hear and saying exactly what they’re thinking).

9:02 pm • Thursday • August 6, 2015

These are the moderators? OMG.

9:09 pm • Thursday • August 6, 2015

Wow, they handed Trump an easy one.

9:19 pm • Thursday • August 6, 2015

Let’s also keep in mind that even at this point, Caligutard was obviously an asshole and a moron–and he was (s)elected preznit twice! Never underestimate the Idiocracy.

9:30 pm • Thursday • August 6, 2015

I was wrong — these Fox News moderators are doing a decent job. Also, I didn’t realize that Trump is a bigger asshole than Christie.

10:44 pm • Thursday • August 6, 2015

How many election cycles have we been together?

11:13 pm • Thursday • August 6, 2015

@redmanlaw: This would be the fifth, counting Congressional years.

11:17 pm • Thursday • August 6, 2015

Switched over to the Jon Stewart wake.

11:19 pm • Thursday • August 6, 2015

@¡Andrew!:
I wish it was true. Many a wingnut head is spinning.

12:51 am • Friday • August 7, 2015

@redmanlaw: Pre-Obama. Remember Black Eagle and HilBot?

1:03 am • Friday • August 7, 2015

@Dodgerblue: The Word that Shall Not be Said . . .

11:03 am • Friday • August 7, 2015

@ManchuCandidate: According to the conspiracy theories that you should start spreading in Canada City, Harperbot 3000 has engineered this entire white trash circus to make the CONservatives look sane by comparison in advance of the October elections.

11:20 am • Friday • August 7, 2015

@Dodgerblue: No love for the Unicorn?

11:50 am • Friday • August 7, 2015

@redmanlaw: I almost made “Cankles” the Blurb, but that’s probably pushing it.

1:15 pm • Friday • August 7, 2015

@nojo: Agree. And who knew that Megyn Kelley could ask a tough question? Trump came pretty close to calling her a “cunt” on air.

4:12 pm • Friday • August 7, 2015

@Dodgerblue: I was hoping that bouncers would rush in to bust up fist fights, Jerry Springer style.

8:27 pm • Friday • August 7, 2015

@Dodgerblue: I was completely distracted by her giant fake eyelashes and twenty pounds of eyeshadow. Trump did call her a bimbo on Twitter after the debate, so there’s that.

10:59 pm • Friday • August 7, 2015

Here’s a question. How far up his ass can David Brooks get his head?

11:02 pm • Friday • August 7, 2015

@SanFranLefty: And then on CNN…

“She had blood coming out of her eyes. Or blood coming out of somewhere else.”

Trump is America’s Bad Grandpa.

Update: Trump now says the implied word was “nose”, you dirty-minded public.

11:20 pm • Saturday • August 8, 2015

@nojo: I don’t think that a single person believes that.

11:31 pm • Saturday • August 8, 2015

@Dodgerblue: To answer your question, not far enough.

@nojo: At the end of the day, I think this was all Faux News kabuki theater — “Look, we can be as tough on the Rethugs as we are on Obama!” and so I refuse to defend Megyn (jesus, mary and joseph, could we have a more destined-for-the-pole name spelling of a name than that?) or her honor. This is totally playing into all of their hands, so I keep cheering The Donald on in his campaign to say all the unspoken thoughts in the heads of all the GOP leadership.

BTW, I thought his comments on the transactional nature of donating to Hillbot and others, and campaign finance in general were Exhibit A for possible reform.

2:12 am • Sunday • August 9, 2015

@SanFranLefty: The GOP Establishment — including Fox — has Trump in its sights, which just lets him play Victim, the GOP’s favorite game. His only sin is saying clearly what they’ve been dog-whistling for a generation.

3:04 pm • Sunday • August 9, 2015

And here’s NBC/WSJ with the first post-debate numbers…

Trump 23%
Cruz 13%
Carson 11%
Fiorina 8%
Rubio 8%
Bush 7%
Walker 7%

Being cable-free for a year, I didn’t catch the show. But these numbers don’t jibe with how The Professionals told us the debate went down, nor do they jibe with The Professionals insisting that PMSgate will be the gaffe that finally takes Trump down.

Trump — like, well, Reagan — has honed his persona over decades. Unlike Reagan — a former big-state governor, we forget — I don’t think Trump has a chance in the General. But until we get to actual Primaries, I don’t see anything stopping Trump from being Teabagger Resentment manifest. Congratulations, Fox: Your monster lives!

3:41 pm • Sunday • August 9, 2015

@nojo: The proverbial chickens roost!

4:40 pm • Sunday • August 9, 2015

@SanFranLefty: Only the best, classiest chickens, of course.

9:26 pm • Sunday • August 9, 2015

@nojo: Fucking Twitter politicos — that’s an NBC/SurveyMonkey (yes) online poll, not WSJ. Not as bad as a bog-standard online poll, but nothing comparable to phone calls.

So, jury remains out on PMSgate. Although I fail to see how it makes any difference.

2:52 pm • Tuesday • August 11, 2015

I feel terrible for Bernie Sanders. His heart is in the right place, but if he maintains any kind of popularity in the months to come, then Queen Clintoris will bump him off. Perhaps she’ll even go to the trouble of making it appear to be natural causes or a freak accident, but mark my words: Arkansas’s most notorious, lesbian, drug-dealing assassin will add to Her body count.

11:14 am • Thursday • August 13, 2015

Feel the Bern is now nipping at Her heels in the polls, and some have suggested this will cause Her to triangulate left. Queen Clintoris will make whatever pronouncements that Her advisors tell Her the peasants are desperate to hear, and then she’ll cackle with uncontrollable laughter as we’re mangled under the wheels of Her solid gold(man sachs) chariot.

12:25 pm • Friday • August 14, 2015

@¡Andrew!:
Long triangulate the queen!

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