The Tragedy of Unencumbered Joy

Hop on Two Pops.Title: “I Am a Bunny”

Authors: Ole Risom and Richard Scarry

Rank: 94

Blurb: “In the spring, he picks flowers, and in the summer, watches the frogs in the pond. In the fall, he sees the animals getting ready for winter. And when winter comes, he watches the snow falling from the sky… then curls up in his hollow tree to dream about Spring.”

Review: “The reader sees an adorable little bunny dressed in red overalls, leaping into the air, trying to catch one of the two-dozen beautifully rendered butterflies.”

Customers Also Bought: “The Berenstain Bears Learn About Strangers”

Footnote: It was the Strangers who taught Bunny that red overalls were kinda gay, and chasing butterflies was for sissies. Only years later, when the Wise Owls declared that the Strangers could go fuck themselves, did Bunny realize an important truth: Elaborate metaphors go off the rails really, really fast.

I Am a Bunny [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]


Elaborate metaphors go off the rails really, really fast

A lesson lost on most writers of RW screeds.

Happy Birf day Canada City.

What have I done so far to celebrate? Sleep 10 hours.

@ManchuCandidate: I was just reading up on how three colonies joined together in a federation… or a dominion… something something…trade routes… continues to be part of the Commonwealth. It’s like reading a review of The Phantom Menace. I keed, I keed. Children, Canadian history is complicated. Still, a great day for booze and mattress sales, eh?

Plus, you can take pride in the fact that you have the world’s most beautiful currency, unlike your southern neighbors, which have the gawdawful fugliest. Your news is so calm, and reasonable, and intelligent. And oh, P.S. Royal Canadian Air Farce 4evah!

Ho-lee-fock, it’s hot! This is the hottest summer of all time in Seattle, and Sunday it’s predicted to reach 97 degrees–¡Qué imposible! After 15 years, the hubs and I finally relented and bought an AC window unit for our bedroom. Why do I feel so guilty admitting that? Sweet FSM, it’s been 80 degrees at 2 am, and we haven’t slept well in a week. ¡Dios mío!

We’re supposed to go to an OUTDOOR wedding on Sunday at 5 pm, and this map helpfully shows that the entire country will be burning in hell.

WTF, I can remember entire years when we didn’t even have a summer. Global warming suuuuuuuucks!

But according to the denialists, NONE of this was supposed to happen or we blame it all on Jeebus.

Does this mean that Stevie Harper is Fat Anakin?

Oh by the way, my US Amercian friends.

Happy Birthday. Just keep Florida away from the fireworks.

@¡Andrew!: According to your map, it might be warm enough to swim in the ocean.

@¡Andrew!: Like every 4th of July, Ess Eff is completely socked in by Karl the Fog.

The one thing I learned in a month long visit to Korea (2 weeks with no AC) during the incredibly humid monsoon season is limit movement as much as possible while sleeping. That includes trying to fan yourself.

@ManchuCandidate: Ugh. I’ve learned more about relative humidity, the friggin’ dew point, the latitudinal curse of this joint – the sun is about 15 ft above my head…I’m sure I’ve been in worse, but I can’t remember it.

My Vornados mock me with hot dry-feeling air, I’m too wiped out to do shit, and I can’t even work myself up about anything. I’m wasting my life being hot.

Oh, and on Monday I’m going to have to beg my boss (the 7th one I’ve had in less than three years), to let me have a day off so FedEx can deliver my air conditioner on wheels. Our windows slide sideways, so I can’t shove a regular unit in one. (1st world problems)

Seriously, this guy could tell me I can’t have the day off.

@JNOV: Call in sick. It really wouldn’t be a lie.
@¡Andrew!: Lowes on Friday was full of people who were giving up and buying ACs. Window units were all gone there and at Sears, and we got one of the last portable units for the downstairs. I have a second one ordered from Amazon because the upstairs window unit is on the blink. Can’t sleep worth a damn and am exhausted all the time. This. Sucks. And I hope the couple getting married will understand if their guests show up in shorts.

@Mistress Cynica: As a native Eugenean with four decades of Northwest weather to my name, I can confirm that Shit Be Fucked. 90s all week? Again? That’s supposed to happen one week in August, and done.

Relatedly, I’m told that the weeks of thunderstorms upon my arrival in the State of Denver are also fucking weird, but I have nothing to compare that to, so I figure everybody’s lying to me.

@nojo: bars and restaurants with AC are making a killing. We’ve been going out after work and drinking until the sun goes down and the temperature drops. Buying a portable unit was a cost cutting measure.

@Mistress Cynica: I was all set to wear shorts and a polo shirt. I don’t think our friends would have cared, but Mr. A! had a four alarm freakout about me being under-dressed at a semi-formal wedding. Oh, the propriety! If he’d been wearing pearls, he would have clutched them. We compromised on button-down shirts and khakis, and still ended up under-dressed since most of the men in attendance wore sport coats and ties!
The ceremony was beautiful, even though we were in direct sun and frying like bacon the entire time. Thankfully, the reception was in a pavillion with ceiling fans, and the dinner and drinks were delicious. Being woozy from the booze and heat was just like being back in the sultry South.

We got a classic Northwest cool drizzly gray day in Denver, which we’ll be auctioning off to the highest bidder. Proceeds go to buying more ice-cream trucks that play a tinkly “Look for the Union Label”.

@Mistress Cynica: That’s what I’m going to do. Thank you for making me feel like I’m not lying. I lie, but I hate doing it.

Hey. I was coming home on the bus, and a slightly off but very friendly woman started telling me that she liked my complexion. She wanted to touch my face, and as awkward as I felt, I assented. She gently pressed the back of her hand on my forehead. As weird as it was, the strangest part is that she’s the only person I remember who didn’t use the word “complexion” as code for ethnicity.

@nojo: please tell me you heard a truck play that.

@¡Andrew!: Haha! Mental picture is great! :-)

@JNOV: True. It gets a little way in before you realize what it is, but then it’s unmistakable.

Also, Denver has at least one ice-cream truck. First time I’ve seen one since Seattle. While visiting my grandparents. In the 1960s.

@nojo: Video or it didn’t happen. Video would be badass and make my life for a few days.

Philly has Mr. Softie. Everywhere. And just like the Eddie Murphy skit, those bastards speed up when the kids start running. Now I just see them as pedomobiles. Sad.

@JNOV: Video? Who do you think I am, a Millennial?

@nojo: okay. This would make my week or maybe month. Film FuckKennyLoggins running after the lost Motown truck.

@JNOV: He’s too busy with his Sassy Girlfriend videos. Me, I’m more a Still Life of Empty Apartment kind of guy.

@nojo: K

In other news, it’s cool today: 84° in Seattle, 86° in SeaTac, 87° in Auburn.


@nojo: I second JNOV’s suggestion (since I snickered when I read “Film FuckKennyLoggins running after the lost Motown truck.”)

@SanFranLefty: Thank. You. nojo probably didn’t even ask him, did you, nojo? Huh? Huh? Didjah?

@nojo: About the blurb – are you asking MSNBC to take us back?

@JNOV: ESPN is letting Olbermann go, MSNBC is desperate for ratings.

@nojo: Keef!

NOT THE MSNBC AD is turning mean. I’m getting adverts for sagging skin and age spots, and I’m left wondering if I googled those or if the widget knows my age. Probably both.

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