The Stinque Braquet 2015

Yahoo giveth, and Yahoo taketh away. Looking forward to a new season of Community? Great! Stay tuned! Also looking forward to trashtalking your friends on a convenient service that isn’t owned by a billionaire megalomaniac with a taste for undermining democracy on three continents?

Buzzzz!!! We’re sorry. This year’s March Madness is brought to you by Fox.

But life is compromise, and you’re already enjoying Simpsons and Justified, so we strongly doubt your Existential Karmic Balance is going to be disturbed much by a few weeks of crying Loser! Loser! Loser! at online acquaintances whose guessing skills compare poorly to yours.

Which is why we invite you to join the New! Improved! Morally Compromised! Stinque Braquet, hosted as always by Braquet Queen Mellbell.

As always, Daily Fails will be Named & Shamed using a complicated proprietary algorithm that may or may not reflect actual standings. In the end we’re all Losers, but some us of are more Loser than others.


Whoo-hooo! Nojo, not that you give a shit about your alma mater, but I think that Los Patos de Eugene shot their basketball karma wad last night in the semifinals with their insane 3 point shot to beat the Mormoni of Utah at the buzzer.

@SanFranLefty: Nice to see Phil Knight getting a return on his multiple investments in Eugene semipro teams.

Oh. I was blind, but now I see.

Gah. My computer is day-ud, and the Fucks Sports hates my iPad (Safari and Chrome). I have until midnight?

@nojo: yup! I thought, “It’s one of those accordion folds…oh!”

I still can’t get in. Basterds. I’m going to try with their effin app, because they lied when they said I could login with Yahoo.

Have you guys talked about Uber, Lyft, SideCar and whatever?

The Lyft drivers are supposed to be über friendly and chatty, but when you’re barreling down 5 in the pouring rain, and your driver tells you how much he enjoyed his NDE, maybe that’s too friendly.

Is that some sort of invasive species pictured above?

Hoops is not my cup o’ tae but eh local sports reports are yapping about Temple getting dissed – they didn’t pass some kind of eye test?

I will miss Marshall Givens when he is gone.

@DElurker: Yep. Only local team is Nova. Snodfart men’s team is in the NIT! Ooof.

@libertarian tool: Ah, good. Needed a Wednesday Loser.

EDIT: Wait, still all zeroes. When does this damn thing start?

@nojo: They apparently don’t count the “play-in” games for the big on-line bracket sites. However, based on the unconstitutional cross-outs, line-outs, indecisiveness and lack of leadership evident n the POTUS analog pen and paper picks – I’ll nominate him.

@nojo: I got it wrong in my email to you. The tournament “started” on Tuesday with the first of the play-in games, but the brackets didn’t lock until today, which is what we really care about. Sorry for the confusion.

And now that everyone’s picks are live, kudos to libertarian tool and nojo for their contrarian (i.e., non-Kentucky) picks of Wisconsin and Duke to win it all, respectively. (For what it’s worth, noje, my brother also picked Duke, mostly for the massive levels of schadenfreude it would cause.)

@mellbell: I am looking for divine intervention in the midwest bracket, with the good lord guiding the 3-point shooting papists over godless Kentucky. Then he’ll get distracted by relaunching the crusades against ISIS and let Wisconsin win.

A lot of thought went into this.

Of course the choice I deliberated over the longest (whether Iowa State or Gonzaga should advance to the Elite Eight) is the one that immediately comes back to haunt me.

Uh. Is my bracket invisible to anyone else?

Harvard gave UNC a good (not to mention blood-pressure-raising) run for their money. Go Crimson!

Yep. My bracket is empty. Great.

I go out to play some golf, and by the time I get off the links I am down to an “Elite 6” and a “Final 3”.

SMU got srsly jobbed on that goaltending call. Thanks Obama.

@libertarian tool: I’ve still got an Elite Seven and a Final Four, plus five out of the six games I’ve called wrong thus far were decided by a single point, so I’m not beating myself up too much about it.

@JNOV: your brackets runneth over imho

Oh, wait…

@libertarian tool: You’re Welcome.

@JNOV: You can have my bracket. I’m too creeped out about the Fox News platform to check it out.

13th seed UC Irvine w 2 pt lead over 4 seed Louisville with 1 minute left.

Those SoCal kids are really messing with the brackets.

EDIT: Nevermind.

@libertarian tool: Mellbell is still recovering from the fright, however…

WTF Uklah? Dodger is a happy camper.

Note to self: Never pick all the Texas teams to advance a minimum of one round, let alone two teams going to the Sweet 16.

Upon further review, you don’t want this bracket @JNOV.

WTF? I had ‘nova in my championship game! This job is killing me. Every year I’m in office my picks get worse. It’s too much. I am so over this. I wonder if Joe would just finish this thing out. I’ll take Michelle and the kids and go play golf in Hawaii. That sounds so fucking good right now.

@Barrington Chadsworth IV: Fucking NC State and Utah just busted the right hand side of my bracket. Although I still have an Elite Seven and Final Four, so for that I’m grateful.

@Barrington Chadsworth IV: At least you have a bracket to go kablooie.

Yeah. I had Nova in my final four when I HAD a final four which I don’t because Fox.

I may have put too much faith in Francis’ beneficent aura extending to South Bend.

O ye of little faith. Then he arose, and rebuked the refs and the Butler D; and there was a great calm.

I’d love to do this, but I’d need to move somewhere where centaur kids are an oddity.

I keep ending up at or near first, but my PPR (possible points remaining, for the lay folk) ain’t looking so hot. Second chance bracket, here I come.

@mellbell: I’ve apparently forgotten my bracket password and Fox Sports refuses to send me a replacement. They keep saying they sent me a PW reset e-mail but it never shows up. Whatever. Based on Mellbell’s message above, it appears that this contest is now between me and Nojo. I just want to confirm this is the case before I start running victory laps and spiking the ball.

Nojo, I believe we were playing for total control of the website. Do I remember that correctly?

@libertarian tool: If I lose, I believe I’m required to spend an entire day with Rand Paul without asking how he’s able to undermine his ideology with his pandering.

@nojo: Good timing then. Junior is apparently announcing the day after the game. And you won’t have to fly out to Kentucky and physically follow him. Fox news will be doing that for you. You just have to watch every minute of their coverage for 24 solid hours. I’m pretty sure Sean Hannity will ask your question.

@libertarian tool: Suckoff Sean? I may be behind the curve here. Is Fox on board with Rand, or does he kick puppies?

And while it crosses my mind: Have we ever seen any indication that Hillary is a better campaigner than Al Gore?

@libertarian tool: it appears that this contest is now between me and Nojo

Well, “I”* have 40 points on you, and if Wisconsin wins you only get 32, so I guess we’re done here.

*Clicked autofill at the start, so I don’t deserve any credit. I’ll presume HF actually thought about his choices, so we may still have a contest.

@nojo: “I have 40 points on you…”

I’ll have to take your word for it as I cannot get back into my bracket. But if the Badgers win, I’ll count it as a moral victory.

Fucking Duke? Really?? It’s the worst of all possible outcomes.

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