The Real War on Christmas

Happy New Year to you all!


Happy New Year to all stinquers.

I knew that cats were behind the war on Xmas.

Although my late dog knocked over the Xmas tree twice so it isn’t just the furry anti-social animals.

We stopped putting up Christmas trees almost twenty years ago after our cats had knocked them over a few times. The straw that broke the camel’s back was my brother-in-law “solving” the problem by attaching a couple of support wires from the tree to the window frame and driving nails through our carpet and hardwood floor to anchor still more support wires. Nothing says Christmas like a green radio mast in the living room.

He has since passed away but there’s no point in tempting fate.

¡Feliz año nuevo, Stinqueros! 2015 has just got to be better, right? Right??

@Dave H: we thought about one of those small rosemary trees, but they’d probably just eat it. Rosemary is OK for cats, but come on …

@¡Andrew!: I thought 2014 would be better than 2013, but that was shattered a mere two weeks into the new year. I no longer get my hopes up. “May it be no worse” is the best I can do.
Still, glad to be heading into another year with this crew. Y’all get me through somehow. Bonne année!

I’d like to kick off the new year by moving to paradise.

Related: Anyone have $2.3M that I can borrow? I’ll totally repay by 2520 with a new 500+ year mortgage. Plus, you’ll be welcome to crash anytime, including after we’re all heads in jars.

It even has a water fountain by the pool. A water fountain! (Note to self: replace water with white wine).

@Mistress Cynica:
I think it’s more how we ride out the shit that life throws at us.
We fall down, we cope, we get up and we do the best we can.

The 2008 me would not have believed the shit the 2014 me had to deal with although the 2010 me would have laughed at both based on the cancer scare and operations that 2010 me dealt with.

@ManchuCandidate & @Mistress Cynica: A local writer put it best when he wrote something along the lines of “I’d like to hit 2014 on the back of the head with a shovel and bury it out in the woods where no one will ever find it.”

This is why god made pugs.

My life is shit and can only get worse so happy 2015.

@¡Andrew!: Darling, that’s not paradise, that’s a sinkhole of Windex. But since money is no object is $2.3M enough? Will it cover snacks? Let me know. I’ll talk to my people. Unfortunately they don’t return my calls.

@ManchuCandidate: As you would say in your native tongue, Hasta la Vista. In my native land we would translate it as: Get your hand off my cock. Both are invocations to the future. I’m not sure if in Canada my tongue is even known – as the bishop said to the actress. But even in Canada there must be a future. Perhaps cramped and squalid on account of socialism but still. Happy ejaculations.

@ManchuCandidate & @Benedick: Reminds me of the time that Paul Martin looked out of his airplane window and bemoaned the squalid, hellish living conditions of the wretched untouchables on the ground, and then an aide informed him that they were flying over Winnipeg.*

*Air Farce forevah!

@Benedick: My life is shit and can only get worse so happy 2015.

Now there’s the pep talk we’ve been waiting for!

Srsly, hugz to all. Thanks for being my friendz in this deeply fucked up world.

And hey, we’ve finally reached the year in which Back to the Future II is set. The wait is over!

@¡Andrew!: Don’t make me fly out there and do something inappropriate involving tongues.

@Benedick: You should make a visit to Rain City; the Hubs and I are excellent guides and would love to show you around, town that is.

I really need to fly to NYC for a Stinque-up. Plus, a close friend moved there this past October. She lives in the East Village now and at 3 am each night gets to enjoy listening to strung-out hookers scream at their pimp Chico to give them their munnie. She’s livin’ the dream.

@¡Andrew!: ¡Andrew! is an excellent guide — I can personally vouch for this.

And HNY, Stinquers! My kids are in town but of course don’t want to be with their boring old parents tonight, who stayed at home and watched a screener of Birdman while my lovely wife practiced her Martini-making skills.

Wow, so these guys in Madrid had a much better New Year’s Eve than I did. So hypnotic. The devil made them do it.

For those that like to watch big things go BOOM, here’s the annual fireworks show off the Space Needle. Awesome!

All the Ducks have left the Santa Monica Pier to go to the game.

@nojo: Umm not quite. Ducks administered the chokes, and were not the chokees. And the crushing loss couldn’t happen to a bigger bunch of classless fucks than the Florida State Seminoles (the offensive tomahawk chant finally stopped when Oregon had a 20 point lead). So sorry, but the Ducks will be playing again a week from Monday in the first national championship game.

@SanFranLefty: And everyone in Eugene suddenly remembers that the Ducks won the first NCAA hoops championship. In 1939.

FSU got a massive dose of Karma (but not enough considering how the incestuous ranks of the Football/Legal/Police complex of FSU whitewashed a lot of shit including Jameis being all rapey.)

@nojo: Mr. SFL just said to me, “Oh my God, if the U of O webmasters put this on the home page, I’d totally make a donation again.”*

Said linque

* Said donations only go to the Department of Earth Sciences’ field trip beer fund.

@ManchuCandidate: You mean Felonious State University? See the linque above.

@SanFranLefty: Deadspin update:

Here’s a statement from Oregon coach Mark Helfrich: “We are aware of the inappropriate behavior in the postgame. This is not what our programs stand for, and the student-athletes will be disciplined internally.”

Helfrich has bagged (so far) $2.3 million this season. Please ignore the next Annual Giving pitch.

@nojo: “Inappropriate behavior” would be destroying Winston’s knee. Mocking him is witty/ borderline brilliant. I think smarter players were behind that chant.

Like I said, Mr. SFL’s annual giving check to the U of O is made out with great specificity and explicitly to the Beer Fund. I stopped writing checks to the Tree’s poor law student fund, because they made the mistake of having some chick from the Federalist Society call me and explain why she wanted a scholarship.

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