Got to Get You Out of Our Life

We’ve lived our entire life within an hour of the Pacific Ocean. So have our parents. And so, substantially, did our grandparents. Border to border, all our relatives are scattered along I-5.

The West Coast is all we know. Sure, we’ve visited Back East, but hey, we’ve also visited England and Japan. All are equally foreign to us.

And yet, for those of us of the European Persuasion, the West Coast remains virgin territory. Everybody came here from somewhere else, for whatever reason. There’s little history here; Southern California is fascinatingly rootless. Which means, even more than the rest of the country, we make things up as we go.

There’s no tradition to smother you growing up, nothing to rebel against when you come of age. Some things could be better — some things could always be better — but you don’t have to fight an entrenched power structure to get it.

The West is no longer the Frontier, but it’s where the frontier closed. It’s the America we are forever reviving — nobody cares about the Colonials, but everybody’s up for a good Western, classic or postmodern. The Midwestern isn’t a genre, unless you count Coen Brothers movies.

We say all this because, well, we’re fucking tired of people telling us we don’t live in the Real America, that our values are suspect because we can’t see land in all directions. People came here to escape you assholes, to live the dream you denied them, and fuck you for resenting our pursuit of happiness.

Must be the humidity, near as we can figure. We don’t know how you can stand it.

We also don’t know what set us off on this tangent; something about North Carolina, we guess. California certainly isn’t innocent in the matter: See “some things could be better”, above.

But here’s the thing: We know some things will be better, and soon. Which is more than we can say for Our Fellow Americans still living under the tyranny of a False God who has nothing to do with the Book they don’t read and its Good News they do everything in their power to crush.


I pray to the FSM that Mr. Cub finishes his schooling ASAP (I will force him at gunpoint to do his homework if it comes to that), and I pray I can find a job in Orygun, Washington or California in the next few years.

Maybe you guys could stop paying for the red states?

Strange how I missed the “Let’s Put North Carolinans Back to Work” amendment on that ballot.

@ManchuCandidate: If only we could come up with a way to “Go Galt” on them. They despise us, but are more than happy to take our librul $$$.
I grew up in the South, where my family had lived for 300 years. The West Coast–once I found the right part of it for me (couldn’t do LA)–is like being set free from a cage you’ve been stuck in all your life. I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to be in a place where who my ancestors were is of absolutely no interest to anyone. In SC, to get things done, I opened calls to banks/local govt/businesses/etc not with my name but with “This is X’s granddaughter.”

@Mistress Cynica:
Probably how my dad felt when he ended up in Canada City. Especially annoying because that’s all some of my relatives do.

@Mistress Cynica: When’s the last time somebody asked, “What’s your church?”

The last time I went on a date with a Korean girl… it was the first question she asked me.

@ManchuCandidate: I only heard about that a few years ago — apparently it’s the first question you’re asked in the American South. Like I say, it’s all foreign to me.

@nojo: for future reference, always answer that question: Episcopal. It’s true in my case even though I haven’t been since I was unshackled from my parents in the 80’s. The Baptists and Evangelicals (baptists who got tired of kicking a cut of the tithe upstream) can’t really figure out what an Episcopalian is. They know it’s the right kinda christian because it sounds so english, but it’s too complicated for them to argue with so they leave me alone and go in search of other heathens to fuck with.

here’s a proud knoxvillian showing how to stand up against mandatory school prayer. let it play and listen up. leroy mercer is a blast. avoid roy d mercer who is a copycat fraud. leroy mercer is the original.

@ManchuCandidate: I have noticed that the question of religion often comes up for Koreans.

@Mistress Cynica: I did another Florida 9th impanelment yesterday. They are so full of fail, but it’s interesting what you sometimes learn about general attitudes in them. In this one, the Assistant State’s Attorney explanation of reasonable doubt (I kid you not) involved a description of the workforce at Microsoft. The people in the top positions, like Bill Gates, are very hard workers. The people in the middle try hard but they’re just not that bright. The people at the bottom of the totem pole are lazy fucks who don’t do any work, they just sleep at their desks.

If those of us at the bottom and in the middle all stayed home for three days, there would be a better understanding of, and respect for, who actually makes the world turn. It’s certainly not the fucks in the towers who can’t even make their own god-damned coffee.

True Confessions: I’ve been earworming “Got to Get You Into My Life” since last night. And I just realized it’s the Earth, Wind & Fire version…

Re: the excellent post: Haters gotta hate, Nojo. Plus, in their heart-of-hearts, they suspect something- that we’re better than they are, otherwise they’d be where we are. It’s not true even as an unfair jab, but for me this kind of fear is the only way to explain all the hate. They are so often racist, homophobic, and mysogynistic because Godddam it, they have to be better than somebody…

@jwmcsame: If you’re an atheist in Arkansas, the only safe response is “Methodist.”

@mellbell: Back in alt-tabloid days, I designed an issue cover that was completely white except for a tilted logo lower-right. I was very proud of myself.

@nojo: i won a contest while working at dominos to design a newspaper ad to run during football season (when the tennessee volunteers did NOT suck in 1985). I was so smart i put a UT football helmet on a football field with the words Go Vols underneath and the store phone number. I won the contest but ended up fucking myself over because I had to work the weekend the ad ran when we beat #1 ranked auburn with bo jackson and i of course missed the game.

@nojo: I meant covers of Beatles songs. This and the Carpenters’ “Ticket to Ride” makes two, but I’m sure you’ve mentioned others over the years. Stevie Wonder does the best, in my opinion, but you can’t improve on perfection.

@Tommmcatt Wears A Hoodie Daily:
It’s the big thing. The church is a big part of North American Korean life.

@Tommmcatt Wears A Hoodie Daily:
No one likes to consider themselves a loser even losers.

@mellbell: I know, but you reminded me of my White Issue.

And jeez, I’ve confessed to the Carpenters? Clearly, I’ve disclosed too much. Next thing you know, I’ll be earworming all my embarrassing 8-Tracks. Who’s in the strawberry patch with Sally…

Fuck. Too late.

If it’s any consolation the main sponsor of the anti-gay bill in North Carolina didn’t live to see it pass. James Forrester dies. It’s rays of sunshine like this that keep me optimistic. Making a better world takes a lot of hard knocks, a lot of time, and mainly the kind of patience the Colorado River had digging the grand Canyon. Things really are changing for the better. There will always be the fringe people who wouldn’t recognize a clue if it bit them in the butt.

@nojo: Not since I arrived, and it’s been more than four years.

@jwmcsame: When I was growing up, “Episcopal” also meant “I’m rich and my family founded/owns half of this town.” I can’t tell you how much Episcopalians and Presbyterians (Huguenot descendants) looked down on Baptists–not to mention those no-major-denomination evangelicals (a/k/a “poor white trash”). Methodists were considered safely and respectably middle class.

@Mistress Cynica: where in SC? a friend of mine sends me articles from his hometown newspaper in greeneville to show me how fucked up they are. rock hill seems to be growing and somewhat for the area progressive. but that’s just charlotte spillover i guess. as a kid we went to myrtle beach every year for 8 years straight and stayed at the dayton house every time. i still haven’t been to cowpens to the battlefield yet but want to go.

if my espicopalian family owned half the town of bristol tn or va, i might still be there or at least sold out to the other half. it’s a good place to live. they have a sign saying so.
here’s a train running in front of the sign at night
see how much fun you can have there?

@Dave H: just think of the good that’ll get done when darth cheney finally dies. w will have to come out of hiding and try to speak again. that english mangling should make for some good humor.

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