Allen West Wins World Record for Pregnant Pause
Allen West’s campaign manager takes issue with today’s report that Allen West finally said something batshit-crazy enough to make us drop our embargo on Allen West saying batshit-crazy things:
“One stupid reporter with a local publication misquoted the entire thing, and they all jumped on one press account without verifying,” said Edson. “It’s all typical West Wing marching orders for their friends in the press.”
To make his point, Mr. Edson submitted a tape of the quote in question.
Which, to our taste, only makes it better.
Our story begins at Tuesday night’s Jensen Beach town hall meeting, where one of Allen West’s constituents makes an earnest effort to prove every stereotype we can think of about Florida Republicans:
“What percentage of the American legislature do you think are card-carrying Marxists or International Socialists?”
Setting aside the opportunity to instruct the constituent in the difference between a legislature and Congress, Allen West responds:
“It’s a good question.”
Well, of course it is. It’s an excellent question. If it wasn’t an excellent question, why go the trouble of answering it?
And so Allen West answers it:
“I believe there’s about 78 to 81 members of the Democrat Party that are members of the Communist Party.”
And then he waits. Twenty-nine seconds. Because if you don’t wait twenty-nine seconds, you don’t give the audience enough time to gasp and hubbub and mutter and whatever else humans do when they’re taking in Shocking! news.
Finally, once the distress dies down, the punchline:
“It’s called the Congressional Progressive Caucus.”
Well! Great gag! You’re totally right, Campaign Manager Edson! Allen West was misquoted!
No, not the thing about all Progressives being Commies. The thing about not laughing in the constituent’s face. Because honestly, we would have corpsed on the spot.
He said “card carrying” … no running from this one.
@blogenfreude: The constituent said “card-carrying”. West simply accepted the question as given, and didn’t laugh in his face.
@nojo: West probably has no fucking idea who Joe McCarthy was ….
@blogenfreude: Oh, Allen knows what he’s doing. We just have to be precise in how we nail him for it.
Where do I get this card?
How many years ago did he have his Blackness Card revoked, I wonder.
When you’re naked and jacking it in Sandy Eggo, don’t ask me for help.
I heard West fists baby goats in the children’s petting zoo and forces little kids to lick his arm clean at gun point.
I am struggling to understand the kind of mental gymnastics required to arrive at the conclusion that Nick Denton is the path to respectability after working for Roger Ailes.
I can’t seem to get there from here.
@libertarian tool: I’m just wondering whether Denton will pay the kid’s legal bills.
@nojo: They’ll come out of his hit count.
Interesting argument re: “We’re all liberals but we work for FOX News” defense. I used to have an imaginary discussion with friends I knew who worked for defense contractors. The gist of it was “Are you secure in the knowledge that you’re living comfortably and feeding your family while building weaponry that will kill someone else’s family?”
Sometimes you tell your conscience to STFU because the Lexus payment is due.
Dammit, Noje, I thought we were talking about Adam West. A discussion of Batman the Original might have been interesting, but this….I got nothin.
@flippin eck: Haha! Last night I kept thinking, “This isn’t the guy I thought he was. Do I know an Allen West? Did I work with one?” I thought about this stupid shit waaaay too long.
@libertarian tool: I was hoping that Roger Ailes would’ve at least had a paranoia induced aneurysm knowing a mole was on the loose.
On the plus side, I expect that it will become an even more hostile workplace for the neo-fascist drones and scumbags that still work there.
I should add that my hope is that Joe Muto has a partner, and now that he’s taken the fall, the real mole can begin their work in earnest.
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