Raise a cup to the GOP

So , in case you haven’t heard already, Rick Santorum ran away with three primary contests last night. I’ve been struggling hard to think of an analogy that might help illustrate what this means for the GOP going forward, and do so in a way that is easy for people without political science degrees to understand*. Finally after hours of struggling with it, I think I’ve come up with a good one:

Imagine the GOP is a sailor adrift at sea, holding a cup full of warm piss. The sea represents mainstream political opinion, the cup represents the GOP nomination race and the warm piss represents Mitt Romney. GOP voters can’t drink the salty seawater because… well, they’re crazy Teabaggers and they’ll die of dehydration if they try to drink mainstream seawater. Less toxic to them, is the warm piss. They can drink it, of course, and it will keep them alive, and they were pretty much resigned to it for while there, but that doesn’t mean they have to like it. Then came along Newt Gingrich. Gingrich is like an ugly, gnarled, twisted spoon that’s been caught in the disposal a few times, but somehow managed to stay in the silverware drawer nonetheless. Well, Gingrich drops into the race (the cup) and really starts stirring things up, getting the Teabaggers all hot and bothered. But then after Florida, he’s pretty much out. The spoon is tossed into the sink (and will probably fall into the disposall one more time). And then, just as Teabaggers were lifting the cup to their lips, something that no one expected happens. Absent a gnarled spoon to stirr it, the piss begins to settle and a frothy foam rises to the top. That would be Rick Santorum. He’s the foam.

So the question is this: will Rick Santorum run away with this thing? Will GOP voters lick the frothy foam off the top of the cup and pour the piss into the moderate ocean where they think it (Romney) belongs? Or will they come to their senses and realize that the head of a cup of warm piss that is Rick Santorum stands about as much chance of beating Barack Obama in November as a literal head of foam off a cup of warm piss.

Stay tuned!

*Full disclosure: I do not have a poly sci degree either.


gingrich staggers after santorum fills his void in missouri. gingrich fears repeat in virginia. how much more can gingrich take and still remain standing?

@jwmcsame: Gingrich isn’t even on the ballot in VA.

@Mistress Cynica: Was it Frothy Mix or Guv. GoodHair who also fucked up getting on the VA ballot?

/my memory, how quickly it fades

@Mistress Cynica: that’s why someone has to fill his void in virginia. he wasn’t on the ballot in misery either

@SanFranLefty: perry is still second among fundraisers in the tennessee teapublican’t primary. still. that’s how psycho we are.

@SanFranLefty: I think the only ones on the ballot are Romney and Paul. So it should turn out awesome.

@Benedick: Ooh, I wonder if the Gingrich and Santorum campaigns and/or PACs will flood Virginia with anti-Romney ads to boost Paul’s showing. Probably not, because the D.C. ad market is prohibitively expensive, but it would be amazing if they did.

@mellbell: If we’ve learned anything so far it’s that money’s no object.

I will need to switch to wine for the next week until I get this image out of my brain. Maybe a shot of Kessler’s.

@DElurker: the guy that fixed the movie projectors in the theater i worked used to drink kesslers. i haven’t heard of it since then. does it make you fall off bar stools too?

@jwmcsame: I believe in moderation. I only drink until I start to weave a little. The falling off of bar stools is from a previous generation.

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