When Caricatures Collide

So we’re watching this Newt attack ad on Rachel last night, when suddenly we bark.

Understand, barking — HAH! — is something usually reserved for Jon & Stephen, not the evening news. We don’t just bark at anything. We have standards.

So, what let the dogs out? It wasn’t the highlight reel of Mitt’s Greatest Misses. That just elicited Mild Amusement, something akin to that smarmy smug grin Mitt adopts while he’s waiting for applause to fade. (Seriously, have you seen that look? Mitt is the Douchebag in Chief.)

No, it was right near the end, the title card that attempted to drive the point home:

Only Newt Gingrich can win the debates against Obama. Mitt Romney can’t.


Two things:

1. It’s not our line, alas, but we’ll say again that Newt is a stupid person’s idea of what a smart person sounds like. To think that he would stand a chance against somebody like Obama is adorably deluded.

2. And shouldn’t Teleprompter-jockey Obama be a pushover, not even able to withstand the rhetorical mastery of Rick Perry? Isn’t that the point of the Empty Suit caricature, that he’s a good line-reader and nothing else?

In other words: We need Newt Gingrich to debate a man who can’t win a debate.

But then, that’s the genius of Republicans: Their ability to hold contradictory thoughts in their minds without their heads exploding.


James Tiberius Kirk would never get a GOPer’s head to explode like he did all those computers.

Newt Gingrich belongs to the Bill O’Reilly school of demagogic debatery. I have no doubt that he would get in his zingers and rouse the troops. He also benfits from the fact that he is willing to say anything, no matter how implausible or untrue, as long as it supports whatever point he’s trying to make. However, having seen Obama interviewed by Bill O’Reilly I feel pretty confident that Obama would come off well. It would not be the rhetorical slaughter that Newt’s fans believe it would be. Obama does not cave under the weight of such demagoguery but rather, makes carefully thought out rebuttals and does so calmly. His debate performances are a big part of his “No drama Obama” reputation.

“Newt 2012: He’s Just Smart Enough To Debate Obama”

I thought you were barking because Newt finally pulled out the Seamus the Irish Setter card.

I’m listening to Pandora at work, and “I Could Never Be President” by Johnnie Taylor (of Stax fame) just came on. Sadly, no one has uploaded it to YouTube, so I can’t share its wonderfulness with you all.

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