Starring Newt Gingrich as Plaxico Burress
“I will only appoint [John Bolton as Secretary of State] if he will agree that his first job is the complete and thorough transformation of the State Department and the replacement of the current foreign service culture with a new entrepreneurial and aggressive culture dedicated to the propositions that… defending America is the first business of the State Department.”
“Mr. Bolton has not endorsed any candidate for the Republican presidential nomination. He has spoken to a number of those running, and he would be happy to discuss national security issues with anyone in the race.”
Political Wire, citing U.S. Title 18:
“Whoever, being a candidate, directly or indirectly promises or pledges the appointment, or the use of his influence or support for the appointment of any person to any public or private position or employment, for the purpose of procuring support in his candidacy shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than one year, or both; and if the violation was willful, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than two years, or both.”
“I will only appoint [John Bolton as Secretary of State] if he will pledged to be as mush of a turd going forward as he has been in the past.”
@Serolf Divad: I think Newt’s aiming for contrast: Compared to Bolton, he’s the calm one.
Newt: violating federal laws and overextending his financial limits for at least two decades.
Newt’s cranked out so much alt-history fiction he confuses the laws as he would write them with the laws as they are written.
Oh, God save me. No John Bolton, please. My consciousness has had to deal with so many douchebags this election cycle already that it will be springtime fresh for decades. I don’t need more vinegar and lavender scent to the brain, thanks.
Here’s a question I wish the interviewer had asked Newt: “Defend us from WHAT, exactly?” The only existential threat to the US that I’m aware of isn’t the State Department’s business – and Newt wouldn’t have any interest in fighting it in any case, since it’s his OWN PARTY…
NOJO • Nightmare at the Museum From the last time he threatened to bomb Iran, 2020. Remember that one? All a misty blur now.
NOJO • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! @ManchuCandidate: I have birthright citizenship in Cascadia, so I think I’m good.
MANCHUCANDIDATE • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! @nojo: Only the sane parts... like the West coast, New England (minus the Bruins and…
NOJO • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! @ManchuCandidate: So, can you guys annex us now?
MANCHUCANDIDATE • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! PP is done. 51st state, my ass.
NOJO • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! @FlyingChainSaw: No, but my government was.
FLYINGCHAINSAW • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! @nojo: Were you kidnapped?
NOJO • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! @FlyingChainSaw: I’ve spent the past five weeks looking like Astronaut Dave going through the…
FLYINGCHAINSAW • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! NOJO - HOW COME WE'RE NOT COVERING KRASNOV?
NOJO • The Reckoning Four years later: Uhhh, how’d that work out?