Language is a Virus

So there’s this great new show we’ve been watching, which we think is an SNL spinoff starring a bunch of clever improv comedians as Republican Presidential candidates. In the last episode — get this — one of the fake candidates (Kristen Wiig in a fright wig, we think) accused another (Will Ferrell? Hard to tell) of deliberately infecting Little Girls with STDs and making them retarded, while the “studio audience” whooped and hollered at the thought of a sick young adult being ignored by doctors because he’s uninsured.

We’d swear Michael O’Donoghue is behind it, but he’s dead.

The next episode of the GOP Debate Open Thread/Performance Art Showcase begins in a few minutes. Let’s have a watch party before it’s canceled!


It’s just about safe to tune in. O’Reilly’s almost done with the Smug Factor.

Debate cosponsored by Google. Google all the candidates!

Uh-oh — might be a YouTube debate. Incoming softballs!

I’ll catch up later, got a ticket to see Sonny Rollins.

GAH! Fuck you Romney, you didn’t have a job you had a fucking entitlement lifestyle!

Megyn Kelly v. Michele Bachmann: Who has the crazier eyes?

Bachmann plans to fund our Government on Unicorn Farts and good intentions.

Question from YouTube: Do you love America the most?

Newt: Unemployment checks should be dependent on training program. “People should not get money for doing nothing.” Kind of like Newt.

Huntsman is itching to call somebody else treasonous again.

Mitt: Families earning less than $200k won’t pay taxes on capital gains.

Good to know next time I invest.

Hey, look! Gary Johnson’s boring!

Is there a web linque? I don’t have cable down here, and I’m on an iFad. Is this a Teahadi/Home Shopping Network joint?

Returning to the theme, this is like a very lame episode of SNL. If nothing hits in the first fifteen minutes, the rest is guaranteed to suck. I’m gonna finish my beer and return to whatever else I was doing.

@Nabisco: Fox/Google. Might be a livestream on YouTube, but it’s really flat tonight. That’s what happens when a debate consists entirely of audience-submitted questions.

Megyn to Rick: How are fifty separate Social Security programs supposed to work?

Mitt citing Rick’s book: “You better find that Rick Perry and get him to stop saying that.”

(Suddenly, it’s getting fun.)

Rick to Mitt: You took out a line in your book! Nyah nyah nyah!

Megyn to Mitt: Is Obama a socialist?

Mitt: Obama’s a “big-spending liberal”. Wuss.

Props to Megyn: She’s asking good questions.

Typical YouTube question: Which federal department would you eliminate?

Seriously. It got fun for a few minutes when Megyn went off-script, but these audience questions are buzzkill.

:36: Newt’s first Reagan reference.

Gary Johnson: Hi. I have no personality whatsoever. Please vote for me.

Santorum: Damn government meddling in education that should be provided by parents. Just like before mandates, when you were lucky to reach sixth grade.

Despite utterly lame question format, Rick’s doing his best to drag Mitt into arguments.

Bachmann takes a shot at (unnamed) Perry over Texas immigrant education benefits. Chris Wallace misses the ball, doesn’t ask Perry for a follow-up.

Mitt: The problem with the Texas DREAM act is that it’s a “magnet” to draw illegal immigrants looking for a quality education.

Even if Mitt wins the nomination, he’s doing his best to torpedo his own general campaign.

The other candidates are doing an excellent job of making Rick sound reasonable on immigration.

Ron Paul: “Destroying our currency” leading to offshore millionaires. In what denomination do the offshorers hold their cash?

And now for the Fealty to Israel portion of our evening.

I can’t tell you how much I enjoy hearing “existential threat”. Sartre lives!

Cain: Every vowel is two syllables.

Gary Johnson: Didn’t remember how bland I was? Here, let me remind you.

Bachmann bravely speaks out against Church of England.

Santorum: “Any type of sexual activity has no place in the military.”

(First good YouTube question of the evening, submitted by gay soldier.)

Before this is over I wanted to thank you for this valuable public service. Those of us who cannot afford premium internet service (I’m on dail-up) or cable are in your debt. Shall I go and click the University of Phoenix ad to show my appreciation?

Cancer-survivor Cain: “We need to get bureaucrats out the business of trying to micromanage healthcare in this nation.” No, not insurance companies, silly. What were you thinking?

@texrednface: Your pageview is sufficient for beer money server subsidy. And I’d feel terribly guilty asking you to click on University of Fleecenix.

The GOP debate is back, just like herpes.

Crazy Eyes: I didn’t say HPV made you retarded. That mom did. I was just the messenger.

Also: Little Girls! Drink!

Cost of overhead (aka bureaucracy) as a % of each US America healthcare dollar is 24%.

Cost of overhead as a % of each Canada City healthcare dollar is 7%.

From 2000 (?) comparison of both systems commissioned by Canada City gubbiment.

I really hate it when somehow a dingus like Cain thinks that Big Bidniz is ALWAYS more “efficient.”

Rick goes after Mittflopping: “I think Americans sometimes don’t know which Mitt Romney they’re dealing with.”

Mitt: “I know how jobs come, how jobs go.” Especially the latter.

@ManchuCandidate: Mitt was harping on Romneycare being “market-based health insurance.” And like any proper company, health insurers raise revenue and eliminate expenses — like, oh, claims.

It’s the difference between the post office and UPS/FedEx: The post office has to deliver to every address in the country. Private organizations can eliminate regions.

The most common side-effect of gout is being rich in the 19th century.

Bret Baier quotes unnamed “liberal columnist” writing that “We’ve lost our mojo”.

The columnist is Richard Cohen. Pareene’s Hack of the Year.

Gary Johnson: “My next-door neighbor’s two dogs have created more jobs than this current administration.”

He must have been sitting on that line all night.

Rick Perry: “If you could take Herman Cain and mate him up with Newt Gingrich…”

No, you don’t want to know the context. It would only spoil the joy.

And… scene!

Fucking waste. That’s what I get for actually looking forward to one of these.

And the prize goes to Nojo for going above and beyond the call of duty! There’s not enough liquor in this state for me to be able to watch a Republitard debate.

There was a debate tonight. I wish I had known … Who am I kidding? I still would have watched Project Runway.

Since the latest round of changes to Book of Faces, I’m having a bitch of a time getting the page to load. Now it won’t load at all. Is it just me?

@karen marie has her eyes tight shut: Finishing beer #4, if you want to gauge the human toll.

For comparison: I never drink, unless Silent Creative Partner drags me to a bar for conversation. Then I’m good for three pints.

Sorry, bro. One hour season premiere of “Big Bang Theory.” That, and I was incapacitated by a headache. Still, Republicans only appear on my TV by mistake.

The expensive sport fun hogs at Outside magazine on FB were all gaga over Johnson today. “He climbed Everest! He skied Tuckerman Ravine! Why can’t he be president?” ‘ve seen these trust fund Greens get all tight with Johnson at a party just because they’ve had the same exclusive extreme outdoor experiences.

Yeah, he left with a budget surplus, but that was from withholding infrastructure spending. He thinks that climate change is human-caused, but that its effects are grossly overestimated and that research funds are being spent wastefully. His cancer-stricken wife died alone over the Christmas holidays a couple of years ago after he dumped her for a yoga or aerobics instructor. Someone else pointed out that he was never in the state because he was always training for or competing in an event. A paper here in New Mexico said that Johnson is a flake as a campaigner.

@redmanlaw: Except for that one line — which was wayyyyyy too obvious — Johnson made no impression whatsoever. It’s not that he’s a flake, he’s absolutely flat — no fizz, no zazz. You can be a bland small-state gubernatorial candidate. Running for Preznit is another thing entirely.

Overall, nothing shifted from the last debate. It’s still between Mittens and Deranger Rick. Happily, neither impresses, in that Holy shit, we’re gonna elect Reagan way. Although every time Perry defends the Texas DREAM act, a little humanity shines through. And that’s the dangerous part.

By the way: No questions about capital punishment.

Part of this may be due to the format, which highlighted YouTube questions from “real people”. (One of which was from the gay serviceman about DADT, so there’s that.) But there was some flexibility, and none of the “original” questions broached the subject.

A day after executing a black man who was probably innocent, the state of Georgia commuted the death sentence of a white man who pled guilty. I grew up down there–don’t think this wasn’t a big fuck-you to all the activists supporting Troy Davis. This is exactly what “you think you’re better’n me?” rednecks do.

So I watched premieres of Person of Interest and the NYC-based Prime Suspect reboot – anyone care to tell me what I missed? I’ve made a Decider that I will watch GOP debates no more.

@nojo: Mr. SFL said he read that the crowd booed the gay soldier. Since you took it (and drank beer) for the team, verdad?

@SanFranLefty: So, now that the video is posted: Yes, they booed. And Santorum took the Perry evasion on the question (not included), saying freshly out servicemembers would be grandfathered.

Me, I’m just impressed that the question made the cut in the first place, and didn’t think to note the audience reaction in the moment. (To my taste, yahoos in a GOP audience aren’t news. Dog bites man.)

But upon reflection, I think it’s clear that repealing DADT is going to have some beneficial effects we can barely grasp. If you can die for your country, how dare we withhold any rights of your citizenship?

@nojo: @nojo: Currently, resident aliens like my friend from Mexico can serve in the Army or National Guard. He literally got his ass shot for George Bush but can’t vote. He’s supposed to be filing his citizenship application, although he seems in no hurry to do so. Likewise, Indians served in the military in WWI although we did not become citizens until 1924, so there is historical precedent for those who served not being able to fully exercise their rights. In fact, it was a returning Pueblo Indian veteran who won the right for Indians to vote in state elections here in New Mexico in 1948.

Nojo, it’s a mitzva, what you did here. BTW Sonny Rollins was outta this world.

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