To Muammar, Thanks for Everything, Condi

“Rebel fighters who ransacked Gadhafi’s Bab al-Aziziya compound have been turning up some bizarre loot, including the Libyan leader’s eccentric fashion accessories and his daughter’s golden mermaid couch. The latest discovery is a photo album filled with page after page of pictures of Rice, the former secretary of state who visited Tripoli in 2008.” [MSNBC]


For an older incompetent warmonger, Condi’s quite attractive.

Sec State plane bound for petrol fields
Works for an admin that killed New Orleans
Scarred dictator knows he’s doing alright
Hear him with his sock drawer just around midnight

Brown sugar how come you taste so good?
Brown sugar just like a Sec State should

Condi, Condi
by Steve Earle

Oh Condi Condi beggin’ on my knees
Open up your heart and let me in wontcha please
Got no money but everybody knows
I love you Condi and I’ll never let you go
Sweet and dandy pretty as can be
You be the flower and I’ll be the bumble bee
Oh she loves me oops she loves me not
People say you’re cold but I think you’re hot

Oh, Condi, Condi
Oh, Condi, Condi

Oh Condi, Condi I’m talkin’ to you girl
What’s it gonna hurt come on give me a whirl
Shake your body now let me see you go
One time for me Oh Condi I love you so
Skank for me Condi show me what you got
They say you’re too uptight I say you’re not
Dance around me spinnin’ like a top
Oh Condi Condi Condi don’t ever stop

Oh Condi Condi Can’t you hear me call
I’m standin’ in the street outside your garden wall
Pocketful of money belly full of wine
Condi in my heart and romance on my mind
Listen to me Condi don’t be afraid
I come here tonight to chase your blues away
I’ll never hurt you I’ll treat you right
Oh Condaleeza won’t you come out tonight

Pretty little Condi precious as can be
Bet you never had another lover like me

@Jesuswalksinidaho: @ManchuCandidate: Fine work. Your mothers would be proud.

This puts the ‘ick’ in icky.

I remember all my life
Ruling the place as hot as spice.
Supreme ruler of men,
A face on a car bomb cryin’ in the night,
The night goes into
Morning just another day;
Loyal Subjects pass my way.
Looking in their (beaten down) eyes,
I see a memory I never realized how happy you made me.

Oh Condi well,
I came and you gave without taking,
But you sent me away.
Oh, Condi well,
Kissed me and stopped me from shaking,
And I need you today.
Oh, Condi!

Condi girl
You are my world
You look so sweet
You’re my special treat

Condi girl
All I want to say
When you’re with me
You brighten up my day

Condi and Jack Donaghy of NBC were an item once. He dumped her by text, then he had to ask for her help in getting his correspondent wife released by North Korea.

@mellbell: Shouldn’t you be filling sandbags or something?

Stopping at her house is a Dictator Boy,
With evil on his mind
‘Cause he’s had spies peeking in Condi’s room
At night through her window blind
“I see George Bush has gone away
Would you dance with me today?
I’ll show you how to have a good time, Condi Baby”

When he walks in her room,
He feels confused like he’s walked into the Hague.
And the music’s so loud it spins him around
‘Til his soul has lost its way
And as she turns the volume down
He’s getting smaller with the sound
It seems to pull him off the ground
Toward the radio he’s bound never to be found

The headlines read that a despot disappeared
and everyone thinks he died
‘Cept a crazy girl with a secret lover
Who keeps her satisfied
It’s so nice to be insane
No one asks you to explain
Radio by your side, Condi Baby

Condi Baby, you’re a special lady
Living in a world of make-believe
Well, maybe
Well, maybe

And I see the Alt Lyrics Team is on it. Bravo all. I only wish I knew what the songs are you’re parodying. This must be how you feel when I go off on a tear about Annie.

I would just like to say that I think Condi and Qad look perfectly darling together.

And plus: about 4 in of rain are falling per minute. We are so going to lose power. The sky has gone bright and is tinged with a lurid green. I expect frogs to start falling any minute.

And plus gay porn DVD slipped out of yacht catalogue. Who in the inner circle was a fan of musical theatre?

I see we’re deep into rehearsals for “CondoGaffi: A Love Story.” Now, if anyone recovered any actual Condi porn from the Colonel’s stash, I’d like to see that.

@Jesuswalksinidaho: try this one, also by steve earle:
“if i can’t marry (condi rice), i believe i’d rather die”
listen for where and how billy wise died in bristol, tn on state st. one lane is in virginia, the other is in tennessee

Was she wearing the dominatrix boots?

ADD: Does this mean Princess Sparkle Pony is really Kaddhafi?

Steve Earle is a freakin’national treasure. My favorite murder ballad is Matty Groves as done by Fairport Convention.
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Speaking of the Virginai-Tennesse area I’m reading “Spirits of Just Men: Mountaineers, Liquor Bosses & Lawmen in the Moonshine Capital of the World” about how local powers that be coerced moonshiners to work for them in the 1930s. The farmers weren’t getting any of those fancy agricultural subsidies so coverting crops to moonshine was the onlyprofitable way to make a a living. Soon they were told sell us your moonshine or go to jail. For some reason it made me think of Afghani farmers and opium poppies. You do what you have to do to feed your family.

@Jesuswalksinidaho: Speaking of moonshine: my maternal grandmother met my maternal grandfather when their homestead claims in eastern Montana were next to each other. They finally gave up and left Montana when their eldest child was about ten, I think. (They went back to northern Indiana, where my grandfather and his twelve siblings had grown up on a farm. His oldest sibling and her husband had also tried homesteading in Montana and had to call it quits, too.) Mom told me once that all that sustained them during the last couple of years in Montana was the money her father made from his moonshine. Yes, you do what you have to do to feed yourself and your family.

I agree that “Matty Groves” is a wonderful ballad.

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