Elder Hostile

If we’re not in the fourth quarter, we’re in the third quarter of the chronological clock. It’s something you start to notice when you can’t remember where you put your keys can’t get it up discover that you’re older than candidates for Preznit and Vice Preznit, as we did in 2008:

This fall, we’re taking over the country. The torch has been passed to a new generation, and this time it’s personal. It’s the Barry & Sarah Show, hosted by Jon Stewart, fortysomethings all. Joe and John will have walk-on parts, but they’re both irrelevant to the story. It’s our world now, and you kids will just have to deal with it.

In other words, 2008 was the first post-Boomer election. Will 2012 be any different?

Let’s survey the GOP field, real and imagined, bearing in mind that Barry still hasn’t turned 50:

  • Sarah Palin: 47
  • Tim Pawlenty: 50
  • Rick Santorum: 53
  • Michele Bachmann: 55
  • Mitt Romney: 64
  • Herman Cain: 65
  • Rudy Giuliani: 66
  • Newt Gingrich: 67
  • Ron Paul: 75

So Mitt’s hitting retirement age next year, and the other GOP warhorses are already past it — this, for an office that Haley Barbour (63) said requires a ten-year commitment.

And if you don’t think Barry knows the math, there’s a reason “Win the Future” sounds a lot like “A Bridge to the Future” — Bubba’s 1996 slogan when he ran against Viagra Dole (73).

But does it make a difference? Let’s take another survey, this time the ages of past Preznits who didn’t inherit the office, the year they were elected:

  • Shrub, 2000: 54
  • Bubba, 1992: 46
  • Bush I, 1988: 64
  • Saint Ronnie, 1980: 69
  • Jimmy, 1976: 52
  • Tricky Dick, 1968: 55
  • Jack, 1960: 43

See a pattern? It’s even more clear when you remove Ronnie — who’s an exception to everything — and Bush I, who was rewarded (and soon punished) for groveling for eight years.

The pattern is that Haley’s right: Americans expect a ten-year commitment, and usually elect folks likely to survive it. We like to see Preznits turn gray, not start there.

None of this prevents Mitt from winning the nomination — which, at this point, is looking like a survivor’s game. But just wait until somebody asks him to explain his student deferments. And then somebody else asking him to explain what student deferments are. All the hair product in the world won’t protect him from Old Man Smell.


While on the subject of Old Spice I see that the government continues its persecution of John Edwards for being good-looking or something. Sure he made mistakes. We all make mistakes. The fact remains that some of us are just more attractive than others.

Mitt Romney looks like he was injection moulded and sold in souvenir shops. I’m not sure voters can discern his age any more than they can discern the age of a random Ace pocket comb.

Interesting information. It looks like when the Dems have a dynamic young candidate they can win. When they run a geezer of their own (Humphrey, the dramatically aged Carter, Mondale, Muskie) the GOP puts grandpa in the White House.

Luckily Democratic godfather George Soros appears to have a stable of good looking kids coming up through the farm system for future runs at the presidency.

Mittens is a ROBOT!

Based on that criteria… only 4 GOPers make the cut. Only one seems sane, sort of smart and/or not covered in disgusting goo of his own making but he has white Pedo Willie Horton booboo.

@Benedick HRH KFC: Call the therapist and take your pills. NOW. I’m not getting arrested trying to pull you out of his backyard like I had to last year. Anyway, isn’t the court order still in effect? Remember what the judge said.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: Trying out a few wrestling holds is NOT the same as assault.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: Really? I like the way Old Spice deodorant smells. Perhaps as an aftershave or body wash it would be unpleasantly strong.

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