God Plays Dice With the Universe

“California preacher Harold Camping said Monday his prophecy that the world would end was off by five months because Judgment Day actually will come on October 21.” [AP/CBS]


“Dammit, we’ve got bills to pay!”

I’ve set my calendar to beep on October 20th so I remember to wear clean underwear on the 21st.

The next date being a Friday, prepare yourselves also to hear a lot of this.

“I’ve been mocked and scoffed and cursed at and I’ve been through a lot with this lighted sign on top of my car,” said Hopkins, 52, a former television producer who lives in Great River, New York. “I was doing what I’ve been instructed to do through the Bible, but now I’ve been stymied. It’s like getting slapped in the face.”

I don’t remember the bible saying anything about driving with a lighted sign on top of my car. Did I miss something?

If he’s serious then he should offer a money back guarantee.

Naw, naw, naw. Let’s get this eschatology right.

Judgment Day was indeed 5/21. The end of the world has always been, okay, since Camping declared it this time around, it’s always been in October. It goes like this: Rapture first, then world goes boosh five months later unlike your standard Tribulation that lasts 7 years, or we’re in the Trib now, or whatever.

Camping is stealing a play from the J-Dubs who declared that Invisible Jesus came on Judgment Day in 1914. Invisible Jesus came last Saturday, and the world is still going to go boosh in October despite the fact that no one left the Earth. At least no one that thought they were going to leave left. How cool would it be if people actually did get raptured, but none of Camping’s peoples were swept up? I’d totally dig that.

Anyway, yes, Invisible Jesus came and went (typical dude). Yes, we still have the world going boosh in October. The thing is, if these folks would take a good look around, they’d see that the world is going boosh, but it has nothing to do with the Bible.

@karen marie has her eyes tight shut: FUCK! I’d managed to avoid seeing that shit for months. Dammit, karen marie! Is that the kid whose parents tried to jumpstart her autotuned music career? Dammit! I swore I’d never watch that shit.

@Yo! JNOV Raps!: @karen marie has her eyes tight shut: I honestly don’t see the difference between that and most of the pop stuff floating around. Sure she has no discernible talent but neither do most of them. Madonna doesn’t sing any better than this. And at least this kid doesn’t look like she just ate her young. And the ‘song’ is sort of brilliant in its banality. Very Brett Easton Ellis. The very few times I’ve tried to watch Glee they’ve been doing crap like this so I say Go For It.

@Yo! JNOV Raps!: It’s funny once. Twice, and it’s just sad.

@Benedick HRH KFC: And last week Glee actually covered that very song.

@Yo! JNOV Raps!:
excuse the ignorance of this Jewess when i ask, isn’t Easter when he starts floating? and if not, what the hell is Easter about? and while we’re on Easter, what’s with the rabbit? shouldn’t it be a chicken?
also, your avatar is going to kill me. i will die laughing from it.

@baked: Easter celebrates the resurrection. Jesus died on Good Friday, and on the third day, Easter Sunday, he rose from the dead (“the stone was rolled away and Jesus was not there,” etc.) and returned to the apostles. Then, forty days later, he ascended body and soul to heaven. At some point Christians coopted the symbols of fertility (rabbits and eggs and such) that pagans used in their spring festival.

thanks mell! IDNKT! ok so he rose from the dead on Easter, but i thought that was when he ascended. what was he doing for 40 days? just hung out with the apostles? i really am interested. i was under the incorrect assumption he rose and went straight to heaven. thanks again! any info about what he was doing for 40 days would interest me…
i took many religion/philosophy courses in school 900 years ago, who can remember? i did know this at some point, it’s da weed.

@baked: what was he doing for 40 days? just hung out with the apostles?

Pretty much. The weird thing is that some of the post-resurrection stories have him magically appearing and disappearing, walking through walls, etc. which created a headache of a few millenia of theologians debating whether the resurrection was corporal or spiritual/mystic…when they weren’t debating how many angels can dance on the head of a pin, that is.

@flippin eck: Was there a reason it matches the time spent in the wilderness? 40 days? And when did the Holy Ghost come down? Ascension? Is that the same as Jesus’ ascension?

@Yo! JNOV Raps!: You are correct. In the longer version, Camping says he realized God didn’t want his wayward children to suffer for five months, so he’s taking us all out on the previously declared End Date of October 21.

Which is, of course, a Major Cheat.

But it’s Camping’s game, and he can change the rules as he sees fit. Now he has five more months to live in unchallengeable certainty.

@baked: also, your avatar is going to kill me

I forget where I saw it yesterday — Sully? — but there’s a mockup of the Osama Situation Room with everybody wearing Fascinators. And I thought the meme had already been done to death.

TJ/ OK. Aside from being my natal day, the 25th of May is also international Geek day. A big hello to all my fellow geeks !!

International Geek day started in Spain when 300 people got together to make a human Pac-Man game./TJ

@Benedick HRH KFC: Holy Ghost came on the day of Pentecost, I thinnnnnnk. Did Jaysus ascend on that same day? I think people had wee flames over their heads and started talking in tongues. Jesus left the Holy Spirit/Ghost so folks wouldn’t be without God on Earth after he went to sit at the right hand of the Father.

@flippin eck and baked: Yah. And Thomas was like, “Dude — you’re a fake.” (Hence the “Doubting” thing.) Jesus was like, “Am not!” Thomas, “Are too! Lemme shove my hands in your wounds!” Hands were shoved, wounds were real, and that made the whole, “Is He live or it He Memorex?” thing even more confusing.

@CheapBoy: Hippo, Birdie, Two Ewes! Apparently my kid can make a ball bounce in BASIC or some such. I was like, “BASIC? Pfft. We couldn’t make any balls bounce, but we were fucking around with it in the ’70s. Learn a real language.” ;-) He’s supposedly going to try his hand at a game, but all I’ve seen him do recently is eat, sleep and watch anime.

@nojo: Saw a link to the Hat Sitch on FB — linked to Gawker. Gimped JoBi, and there you have it. I’ll get rid of it when baked gets tired of it. Might gimp another hat on Joe.

@CheapBoy: Every day is Geek Day at Stinque World Domination Headquarters.

@Yo! JNOV Raps!: In high school, I programmed a Monopoly game in Basic. On punchtape.

@Yo! JNOV Raps!: I think people had wee flames over there heads and started talking in tongues. aka Happy Hour.

@nojo: Heh. Mom worked on punchcards — we took the fackata ones and made Christmas wreaths out of them. Dumb fucking arts and crafts project, but I bet I could sell that fug shit on eBay.

@Benedick HRH KFC: ::SNORT:: I’m going to dinner with work folks tomorrow — for the first time. Um…I’m hoping I’m still employed on Thursday.

@Benedick HRH KFC:

I think this neatly sums up why these autotuned Pop Tarts are annoying.

(btw: totally stole the “Pop Tarts” pun from a completely un-ironic poster advertising some sort of American Idol has-been tour, sponsored by none other than the pastry of the same name…)

@Yo! JNOV Raps!: We were obsessed with getting naughty words to print out on punchtape.

Didn’t encounter punchcards until freshman year in college. The sight of those poor fools hauling around their trays helped keep me away from computing for ten years.

@nojo: Sometimes you write words and I have no idea what they mean. That is awesome. Such a change from ‘Touch step together step ball-change bevel.’

@al2o3cr: No matter how much we think think performers have touched bottom at least their dead bodies aren’t thrown in the gutter for dogs to eat as they used to be. Understandably. What I object to in these chippies is how pallid they are, how tame, how product-placementy Cokified.

@nojo: Yes, naughty words are always a good time!

@FlyingChainSaw: Or gimlets. That was a megagimlet you poured down my throat, and It. Was. DELICIOUS. The coup de grace was that wine you mainlined into me. At least I didn’t try to fight anyone, did I? I was pretty mellow until the spins took hold.

Tomorrow, I think I’ll just stick to an IPA (yes, already checked out the beer list), and I’ll eat a hearty lunch. I’ve already had sober words with some of the people I work with. As long as I don’t start telling bawdy stories or showing my tattoo or telling people what I really think, I’ll be in good condition.

Gar! Alls I wanta do is stream Primal Fear, but I keep getting Bridgette Jones’s Diary. :-/

Ascension–Jesus ascends into heaven. 40 Days after Easter, thus always on a Thursday. (Not to be confused with Assumption Day–August 15–when the BVM was taken bodily into heaven at the end of her life).

Pentecost/Whitsunday–Holy Spirit descends on BVM and the Apostles. Tongues of flame appear over their heads, they begin speaking in tongues. Seven weeks after Easter. Wear red to church that day.

Trinity Sunday–Sunday after Pentecost, celebrating the Holy Trinity. Marks the beginning of “Ordinary Time” in the church seasons. Lasts until the beginning of Advent at the end of November.

@Yo! JNOV Raps!: Well all we could do was make a turtle draw lines.

then there was robot battles (wars) when you had to program responses to getting shot, or finding another robot in your sights.

@Benedick HRH KFC: But not white shoes after labour day?

Or is that just a movie I saw?

Add a Comment
Please log in to post a comment