Everything Must Go!

Harold Camping, who has brought much joy to our world with his end-of-world prediction, is now issuing an EMERGENCY CLARIFICATION:

The fun begins at 6 p.m. Saturday — wherever Saturday begins first.

So, according to these calculations, the Rapture will actually begin like a rolling brown out across the globe at 11 p.m. PST on Friday, May 20th. “Everyone will be weeping and wailing because they’ll know in a few hours it’ll come to their city,” said Camping.

The “6 p.m.” kickoff has been noted already, but in trying to track it down last night, we couldn’t source it to Camping himself — just an NPR story about a follower. Now we can confirm that Armageddon will target Earth like a rotisserie.

And what special plans does Brother Camping have for Mankind’s Blessed Destruction? Same as the rest of us: He’ll be watching CNN.

The Rapture Is Not Saturday — It’s Tonight [Atlantic]

6 am Fukushima Standard Time here, and it is strangely quiet. Should make it easier to catch a train….

My wife has a night out with her gal pals, so I’ll be watching the Daily Show by myself.

Just my luck that after waiting eleven days to have my internet access restored, I’m going to have less than eight hours to enjoy it.

I hear they’ll be tilting the Endeavour for a better view.

@Nabisco: Colbert’s take on the new simplified terror alert system is that there should be two levels, “It’s Quiet” and “Maybe Too Quiet.”

Don’t follow the link. Noje just did that to fuck with us. And if you do follow the link don’t read the comments. Unless you enjoy the pre-, post-, trib controversy. I don’t. I find it about as alluring as cricket without the prospect of nice hot steaming showers after the endlessly boring ‘game’.

BTW. It seems the Gays made it all happen sooner on account of their gayness (see above re hot showers after the game). So. It was pre-ordained. Except not.

God didn’t see Gay.

Where’s the four horsemen of the apocalypse?

@Benedick HRH KFC: “These type of false prophets and false christs are a fulfillment of Bible prophecy.”

Is that smoke billowing from my ears? So sorry.

Fucking Family Radio! People are going to be killing themselves on Sunday.

TJ/ It looks like the “W” is finally limping into the great beyond.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: They’re still doing 1+ million visitors a month, so they’re not going anywhere soon.

Although they’ve been on a very slow slide for a very long time. Four years ago, it was 2+ million visits.

@nojo: Dunno, Jack Stauf is leaving as editor and writes (and I quote):

In the wake of staff departures, he’s [Layne’s] made a tough decision about the future of the site. I’ll let him tell that to you.

Sounds pretty final to me…

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: Ah. I read too quickly.

Irony? It was Jack’s post that brought down the wingnuts on them.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: Let’s broaden that pullquote a tad:

And Ken, who grumpily led this stupid blog the whole time and been a great boss even though he pretty much hates doing this. In the wake of staff departures, he’s made a tough decision about the future of the site. I’ll let him tell that to you.

Sounds like you’re right. Which means I may have a very nasty post to compose…

@nojo: …and I hate to think, even now that the site has truly degenerated into a linkbait smutty whorehouse, that the wingnuts are going to crow about how they “Got Wonkette”. You know Breitbart has it in him.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: We’ve got first dibs on that…


January 2008: 3,607,006
April 2011: 1,322,229

The air’s been draining out that tire since we left.

@ManchuCandidate: Andrew Berightbart = Pestillence, Ann Coulter = Famine, John McCain = War, Dick Cheney = Death

Done and Done.

Talent Raid! Do we make a play for the Curmudgeon? Does Sparkle Pony still post there?

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: the wingnuts are going to crow about how they “Got Wonkette”

Just checked Twitter. They’re already gloating.

So it is geek pron!

@ManchuCandidate: the 4 Horseman are the Revelation of St John the Divine, aka Revelations. The rapture is the Revelation of Wackjob Fancypants.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: @nojo: That place was never as good after Ana Marie left, and after we departed it just degenerated into frat boy “humor”. What’s AMC doing now? Still popping up on Rachel’s show?

@nojo: Wow. Where do those numbers come from?

It’s a quarter to 1 pm here. Still no sign of the sky ripping open with a thunder clap.

Quite a nice day for doing my laundry really.

*still wondering why the rapture is on US time. *

@CheapBoy: Because God made us first and best and the rest of you are pale imitations. In the case of England, extremely pale imitations.

Let us not forget the US gave the world assless chaps.

@Dodgerblue: Sitemeter, which Wonkette has used during and post-Gawker. (The link’s at the bottom of their homepage.) I’ve been noticing the slide for a couple of years.

@Mistress Cynica: I may have lasted a few days post-AMC, but I gave up pretty quickly. Must have returned sometime during the Pareene era.

Haven’t seen AMC on Rachel for awhile. Don’t know what she’s up to.

@CheapBoy: Rapture begins at the International Date Line in three hours.

Oh wait, there’s a knock on the door….. Could it be the Angels of the Lord?

Nope. Mormons. Still waiting here. I will be pissed off if I have to buy a week of groceries just to have the rapture happen after I shopped.

Nojo: Oh Bollocks to that!! They said the 21st of May. Maybe it’s just Ammerikans that get sucked up?

@Benedick HRH KFC: I would have thought that God would be on GMT.

“And did, in ancient times, did God set his watch to GMT?
And was the holy lamb of of God also on GMT?”

@CheapBoy: 6 p.m. local time, starting at the Date Line in three hours. I think we can use that to gauge the location of God in Heaven, since He obviously can’t aim his laser at the back of the planet.

Although, it’s — what — 1 p.m. there? Does God use an old Timex?

Some Brand W observations, since I’m doubly obsessed at the moment…

1. When Ken bought Wonkette from Denton, I don’t think it was an outright sale — instead, some kind of terms were involved. Whether that’s been paid off, or Ken is still on the hook, or the terms depend on the site being viable, dunno.

2. The language of Jack’s reference could mean Ken is either selling out or shutting down. Presuming there’s still some brand value in the name, dunno who would buy it, or what they would do with it.

3. Some commenters are chattering about — get this — doing it themselves. How quaint.

@nojo: If the whack jobs come here, I’m relying on you to sic the hamsters on them.

@Dodgerblue: Now we know why SFL skipped town. Camping’s based in Oakland.

ADD: Oh, those whackjobs. Rapturists and Wonkette commenters look alike to me.

I have mixed emotions about this. Without W I would never have met any of you so there’s that. I showed up post AMC so AMC is merely a name to me.

One thing I missed was the longer comments. A lot of the comments had to be one liners as you got lost in the posts so a lot of folks didn’t take the time to read them. There are a few good ones still there, but it seems to be a lot of mostly younger kids. Few angry RW trolls, but they weren’t as fun as the Paultards as they got angry or refused to debate (which is one thing I give the Paultards credit for) outside of the infamous Trig post.

After what the Mom did to us, and stupid plans they had for CP, I’m glad this is still up and running.

@ManchuCandidate: It’s sort of like the Tonight Show. I grew up with Carson, but Leno ruined the brand.

ADD: Oh, and besides, everybody else has moved on to The Awl, anyway.


@ManchuCandidate: I got your Four Horsemen right here.


How I’m spending my last hours on Earth: watching The Hillbilly Knife Show (hoppingmadhillbilly.com) on the Shopping channel and drinking a vodka martini. It’s been fun, yawl.

@Dodgerblue: Using built-in comments is a surprisingly effective deterrent.

And looking at their comments, I think Lionel Hutz is the only old-timer we’re missing. Although somebody there wants to have Serolf’s baby.

The End Times Begin! Head count!

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: Second that emotion. Josh was the one feature I never missed. But as good as he is, I couldn’t stomach the browser traffic required to get to him.

@nojo: re: SparklePony. Apparently the buzz down in Foggy Bottom during the hey day of the Princess was that s/he was working from inside Condi’s shop.

ADD: @nojo: I’ll be surprised if any of us are missing – but just in case, dibs on Prom’s boat!

T+7 MINUTES: Sandy Eggo Status Report: No Floaters.


T+25 MINUTES: Empty pile of clothes spotted. No, wait. They’re mine.

T+39 MINUTES: AP confirms reports of flying sheep in New Zealand, throwing world theology into turmoil.

6pm here on the east coast of Aust. Still wait to see nekkid peoples flying in the air…


Fiji is still there!

With everyone in it!

Does this mean Camping returns everyone’s money? Thought not.

Dodgers won in extra innings, suggesting that a Time of Miracles is indeed upon us.

@Nabisco: No, no, Sparkle Pony/Peteykins is an art curator. He’s moved on from Condi. Calista Gingrich is now the object of interest.

He’s so cute.

Heathen community checking in from the high desert of the Great American Southwest. Nada. Nothing. Zip-o. Well, I got a pair of U2 concert tickets in my wallet for tonight in Denver. Communications will be spotty for the next 30 hours except via FB.

@Benedick HRH KFC: Everyone gets to participate and no one dies! How nice is that?

Wait. What?

What happened with Wonkette and the Wingers?

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Breightbart’s pearl-cluchers went ballistic about a reference to Trig Palin and got some advertisers to drop their ads.

Speaking of Brand W, I met Lauri Apple at an event last night. I haven’t been around Wonkette or Jezzie or the other places where she writes much, so I didn’t make the connection initially. She didn’t say much about her esteemed employer, but she spoke highly of Pareene.

Missed the flying sheep and round one of the Rapture in Kiwiland, now awaiting take two of the rapture during a three hour layover/flight delay at LAX. Would suck to have my last moments in Terminal 7 with the Muzak playing instrumental versions of Disney songs and Sinatra and Carpenter tunes. Though combined with 3 hours of sleep, I do feel like I’m in a circle of hell. I have Green Day cranked to 11 on the headphones but it’s not really doing it for me… At least the Dodgers are losing to the White Sox!

Add a Comment
Please log in to post a comment