Osama Bin Laden Killed

Your Stinque CNN Dictation Service is now live.

Old tall diabetic dead? Get me a bag of Ringers …

Osama declared “#3” in Al Qaeda hierarchy, just for old time’s sake.

How will Fox spin this, I wonder?

Breaking: Pam Geller shitting pants; Giuliani declares end to presidential hopes.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: “What took him so long?”

I love that Lara Logan is reporting this for CBS. You go, girl.

@blogenfreude: Mission Accomplished indeed.

Where’s the Death Certificate?

@nojo: +1 for the minus one.

Statement now guessed at 11:10-11:15. Some ghostwriter is sweating bullets.

Holy fucking shite.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That:Darling, I think those pants look good on you. I truly do. On you they look good. I swear.

@Tommmcatt Be Fat, And That Be That: I’m not sure about the belt.

Is there anything more painful than listening to news correspondents in full autowitter mode trying to fill air time before a major announcement?

Coop is tweeting that Pakistan has some ‘splainin’ to do.

Crowd chanting USA USA outside WH.

This is what Bush and Cheney had planned. It only goes to prove they were right all along.

@Benedick HRH KFC: You win the Fox lottery.

@flippin eck:

@LukeRussert: Somewhere my dad is saying “What a country!”

@nojo:
LukeRussert is an even bigger jackass than his dad was.

If only the news dropped during NerdProm. What a monologue!

@nojo: Ugh. Here, cleanse the palate with this Darnell Dockett tweet:

So we was looking 4 BIN LADEN that whole time in a Cave/moutain & this MOFO is hidden in a mansion watching the NBA playoffs! Oh hell naww!

Or this Steve Martin nugget:

Tonight, President Obama will announce that Clint Eastwood shot Osama Bin Laden.

Pam Geller:

Obama to address the nation, I hope he doesn’t get choked up…

I am really surprised that Obama didn’t insist he be brought to Manhattan to stand trial here in New York. Seriously.

Give her a courtesy clap, everyone. She’s doing her best.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: More like: What finally prompted Pakistan to give him up?

Wikipedia been wrong before?

@nojo:
Well, she still got her hatred of Muslims.

@Drudge_Report: BIN LADEN ANNOUNCEMENT CAME IN THE MIDDLE OF TRUMP’S ‘CELEBRITY APPRENTICE’.

And just as May Sweeps start!

Will the funeral be in Saudi Arabia? Will Dick Cheney attend, or will they send someone else to represent Halliburton?

Has anyone heard from Catt? I’m concerned about his weight explosion. And I say this from love.

Ground operation? We have the body — how did that happen?

@Dodgerblue: CIA/ISI operation, most likely.

Here we go, boys, CBS is writing the speech ahead of our preznint and also planning out our enemies counterattacks.

Here comes Bam. Will Lara never STFU?

@homofascist: Cheney will be there in spirit given his devotion to Saudi Arabian oil.

And, it’s official.

@nojo:
Not ISI as they’re not really fans of US America or non fundamentalist Muslims.

Probably CIA with support from Delta Force (not the phoney Chuck Norris version but rather the real one.)

@nojo: Show me the photo of what’s left of him.

He has directly claimed responsibility.

They’ve been sitting on his location since last August, waiting for enough detail to confirm.

Firefight, stormed in and took the body. Movie rights?

Mission Accomplished.

@ManchuCandidate: Yes, but that’s why I ask: Why did they decide to give him up now?

@nojo: That’s how the right will attack him. Why wait?

SS Right Winger has taken a full spread of torpedoes amidship.

Lots of iPhone jokes on Twitter.

@nojo: Sweeps?

@nojo:
According to Barry, OBL declared war on Pakistan… biting the hand that fed him.

@Dodgerblue: Two in the chest, one in the head, and a kick in nuts.

In reverse order.

Obama is standing tall. “We killed that motherfucker and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” Odds of reelection just went way up.

And now, Bobby Jindal steps up to complain about silly Osama monitoring.

Dubya is so getting drunk right now. Cheney sent out for fresh infant blood.

Stunning speech. He is a great man. And I would hit it. BTW. Has anyone else noticed he’s black?

@Dodgerblue: Bear in mind Dana Carvey on SNL doing Bush I: “Desert Storm, Desert Storm, Desert Storm.”

We’re still a long ways out.

Republican/Fox response: “Well what took him so long?”

Wait. What?

@Benedick HRH KFC: Agreed. Now let’s bring the troops home.

Twitter Factoid: Hitler’s death announced on May 1, 1945.

@homofascist: Greta Van Susteren’s apparently complaining that there wasn’t a news conference.

Hey, it’s late. They’ll have better spin in the morning.

Since ‘9/11/warrontera’ was tied so completely to Osama I should think this will make most Americans think that we won. Over. Done. Let’s quit Ironk plus Ifagistan. I think this is colossal.

Though it doesn’t stop me worrying about Catt. Is he wearing white? Is he drinking corn-syrup sweetened beverages? Does anyone know?

Wow. Think again about Barry ribbing Trump at the WHCD, knowing he was getting ready to pull the trigger on Osama:

You Mr. Trump recognized that the real problem was a lack of leadership and so ultimately you didn’t blame Lil’ Jon or Meatloaf. You fired Gary Busey, and these are the decisions that would keep me up at night. Well handled, sir. Well handled.

Guy’s got nads!

He is a very classy and original man, our president. If these were less deranged times we’d be able to enjoy him more. I hope he gets lots of the good stuff from Michelle tonight. He deserves it.

I think this guy may have come up with a winner in the Fox News’ spin game.

Just posted Above the Timestamp: The Inevitable Fox Chyron.

Preznit Bunnypants says:

Earlier this evening, President Obama called to inform me that American forces killed Osama bin Laden, the leader of the al Qaeda network that attacked America on September 11, 2001. I congratulated him and the men and women of our military and intelligence communities who devoted their lives to this mission. They have our everlasting gratitude. This momentous achievement marks a victory for America, for people who seek peace around the world, and for all those who lost loved ones on September 11, 2001. The fight against terror goes on, but tonight America has sent an unmistakable message: No matter how long it takes, justice will be done.

In other words: no matter how long it takes the black guy wins. (on account of the size)

@flippin eck: NY Observer has a photo of Barry laughing at Seth Meyers’ Osama gag.

If I understand right, they’ve been sitting on this a week, waiting for confirmation.

@nojo:
Kinda makes Barry’s shitting on Trump’s grandiose narcissism more epic actually.

@Benedick HRH KFC: Always bet on black.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ:

@TheThomason Obama: “Anybody else wanna see my birth certificate?” Drops mic, walks away.

Bonus points for the Chris Rock reference.

Bushies coming out of the shadows. Must we?

@nojo: CNN says they offed him today! Navy Seals were involved.

Declare victory and bring our troops home from Afghanistan.

Gawd, I hate Wolf Blitzer.

Home from the dinner party I was at. My phone started buzzing like nuts.

@Dodgerblue: I’ve switched to Brian. And I’m about to open beer #3.

Spy god Kurt Andersen:

Google Maps already has bin Laden’s compound in Abbottobad pinpointed. About 3 blocks east of a police station.

Susan Orlean with a very New Yorker take:

Celebrating anyone’s death seems wrong, but justice has been done indeed.

Our local correspondent says fuck you, we’re partying.

@nojo:
A quick search on Google maps shows it is most definitely in the NW Territory of Pakistan where everyone thought he was.

@nojo: I switched to Brian as well, and made a late night martini.

Crazy to think all those GW students outside the White House were 8 years old when we were attacked.

Obama: ’Scuse me while I whip this out.

Where’s Hillary?

JNOV – Are they burning cars in Philly?

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: Lara was on Sixty Minutes tonight, talking about what happened to her in Egypt.

Just heard literally two minutes ago. HOLY SHIT.

NBC went back to regular programing but the local affiliate cut back in after 10 minutes and said it’s going to stay with MSNBC’s feed instead of TrumpFest.

Do the Navy SEALS get the $25 million bounty?

So he was in Pakistan, then. Huh.

@SanFranLefty: I think there’s a federal law saying you can’t get paid for executing your official duties, so, no.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ: NBC Sandy Eggo cut to — yes — Celebrity Apprentice.

CNN says no US forces were harmed.

@redmanlaw: I would expect they’d all be up for some kind of promotion, so there should be an increase in pay anyway.

Has anyone heard from Catt?

Shades of Iran: Chopper down, destroyed before they left.

U.S. says they’ll be handling Osama’s body “in Islamic manner”. Isn’t there a three-day burial limit or something?

@SanFranLefty: Forgot to read the release: “Members of U.S. Government or any of its branches, agencies, departments, and divisions are not eligible.” Stupid sweepstakes rules.

A case of beer would suit them just fine, I figure. I’m fucking buying.

@nojo: It might be just one day for burial. But I think I speak for several people, at least, in saying that I don’t give a good goddamn about burial rules.

BTW: The burg in Pakistan was Abbottabad.

And, thus: the first and only HEEEEYYY ABBOTTABAD! reference.

@chicago bureau: Well, the U.S. has to take into account world opinion and such. Although I personally wouldn’t mind his head on a pike outside the White House.

@chicago bureau: Nah. My wife beat you to it. She also suggested that we should have offed Gaddafi today for the Daily Double.

Amazingly, first time I’ve seen this tweet tonight:

AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!!!!!

WND Top Headline #1:

Firefight! Osama bin Laden killed, body in U.S. custody

WND Top Headline #2:

Online ‘birth certificate’ document ‘was changed’

If WND wins, the Osama kill shot will be nullified.

@nojo:
And the Internet has already provided a response:

http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/comment/11/2011/05/89a236c8fd82aa51d75bc93d186ad6c0/original.jpg

@Dodgerblue: Daily Double is the biggest sucker bet at the track. FACT.

The Corner is an interesting mix. They got a rundown of GOP reaction. Half of them are fairly big about it and give Black Eagle some dose of credit (some of them breathing Dubya’s name in the same breath). Half couldn’t bring themselves to thank the President.

But the big thing here is that Osama ain’t the end of this. All of you know this, but al-Qaeda is playing a long game here. This ain’t V-J Day. In fact, the Arab street is just waking up to this — God knows how they’ll read it.

Socialism works!

Wow, look at that crowd outside the White House. Who’s getting married?

And we have the poor-form Tweet of the Night from @GabeRivera (retweet from @PatrickRuffini, posted to the Corner):

So where are the spontaneous celebrations in SF? (International Workers’ Day parties don’t count…)

Oh, and Michelle Bachmann (a) fails to thank Black Eagle (by name and office) and (b) comes with… this:

it does not end the threat posed by terrorists, but it is my hope that this is the beginning of the end of Sharia-compliant terrorism.

Sharia? You wanna trot that dog whistle out tonight?

Oh, honey. No.

ADD: Santorum’s on the same base (pun not intended, unless it works) —

And while this is a very significant objective that cannot be minimized, the threat from Jihadism does not die with bin Laden. As we were vigilant in taking him out we need to demonstrate we will continue to be vigilant until the enemy has been subdued.

So, (a) endless war against (b) “Jihadism.” Which I have never heard defined before, but it will hit the ears of his followers as “brown people who hate Jesus.”

Seriously: “subdued?” What — does Rick think is going to happen? Is the USS Ronald Reagan going to sail into Karachi and there will be a formal surrender signature, whereby nobody will ever plan a terrorist attack against us ever again? Fuck me running.

@chicago bureau: Palin also thanked the troops, ignored the Commander-in-Chief.

But from early indications, looks like “Bush laid the groundwork” will take hold tomorrow.

Fortunately, there is no more gin left in the house . . .

/night

CNN: Detainees provided essential clues. Four years ago.

@redmanlaw: Beer #4. Bought a six-pack of Newcastle yesterday. Wasn’t sure when I’d have an excuse to drink it.

@nojo: Sure, they’re going to do that. We knew that they were going to do that. But it’s the scoreboard that counts.

Bush got Saddam (who was pointless, as became obvious as the years went on). Obama got OBL. If they’re going to try to play this game, they will lose. They shouldn’t play that game, swallow their fucking pride and give the man they hate one day of damned, unfettered credit.

I mean: look at the crowd in front of the White House. They can’t spin this that makes Bush look like a fucking hero. The people have voted with their feet tonight.

So, where was I when the world changed forever? Watching a replay of Pulp Fiction and just going to bed when I flicked on my radio.

@chicago bureau: Also the Ground Zero crowd. I’m a sucker for joyous crowds.

Still, the next few days will be interesting. It’s not what they say, but whether it takes.

@chicago bureau: Formerly the Starter Wife tweets that she was watching Fast Five. When she walked out of the theater, her tweet feed exploded.

@chicago bureau: In the movie version, one of the Seals recites Sam Jackson before raining hell.

Oh, hey: PM Blimpie’s going to the polls tomorrow. That election was interesting before this. Now? It’s supernova.

@nojo: Per New York Times, “CNN reported that he was writing the address himself. “

October 7, 2008

We will kill bin Laden; we will crush Al Qaida. That has to be our biggest national security priority.

–Barack Obama

@mellbell: It was Ayers, and everybody knows it.

This dude unknowingly live tweeted the whole thing.

@texrednface: Halfway home. The question is whether al Qaida folds like a chair after Number One goes down. My guess is that the answer is “no.” Barry oversold on whether al Qaida could be gotten. But: half a loaf.

BTW: I’m coming with a Canada Votes, Eh? thread tomorrow night. Like I said — that just got exponentially more interesting for political nerds.

MTV reports that its new series OBL Cribs has been canceled.

Wolf (yes, I switched back) references “3 a.m. phone call”. Still waiting for basketball-court callback.

Stunning News: While America waited for the President’s announcement, Donald Trump fired the Playboy model returned the previously fired LaToya Jackson to the show.

@ReallyVirtual, 9 hours ago:

A huge window shaking bang here in Abbottabad Cantt. I hope its not the start of something nasty :-S

You’ll have to scroll down a ways, but he was tweeting the operation without knowing it.

CNN: Pakistanis didn’t know about the U.S. operation. Now it’s getting more interesting.

I wanted to handle this a little differently.

Wait until tomorrow and set up a press conference with a room full of reporters.

Stroll into the room with Osama’s severed head in my hand.

Walk up to podium and hold his head out so everyone can get a good look.

Wait a beat or two and toss it into the middle of the reporters, saying –

“Any questions?”

Axelrod wouldn’t let me do it. Asshole.

Palin’s “A Grateful Nation” Facebook post: 117 words, thanking military and intelligence services, not mentioning the Usurper.

Meanwhile: Osama buried at sea? If true, WND will need to add bandwidth.

WND updates Top Headline #1:

Osama bin wasted! Terror king killed, Obama takes credit

That’s more like it.

@nojo:
conflicting reports about what the paki’s knew.
noge, “sucker for joyous crowds?” AKA Happy Villagers, js.

as i wrote on lefty’s FB page, my take is a navy seal held a gun to his head and asked him how lucky he was feelin’. when does the movie come out?

@nojo:
no conflict about dumping him at sea, so that a martyrs pilgrimage doesn’t evolve. what do i know, i’m just reading newspapers, which are about 70% accurate, and i’m being generous. the stuff we really want to know, we won’t.

“where’s the death certificate?” noje, you jest, but just wait…we will hear from “the deathers”

he is now shocked to learn that 74 men named Virgil have been waiting.

Of course, the OH got up and switched on the telly. Bless him. I was privileged to hear Andrea Mitchell accept the thanks of a grateful nation.

@Barrington Chadsworth IV: Did you get some of that out of your system Saturday night at Nerd Prom?

@baked: +1

ADD: @Benedick HRH KFC: I flipped between CNN and FOX this morning. Although the latter featured a breathless Geraldo singing his own praises of “almost capturing bin Laden at Tora Bora”, it was the bobbleheads on CNN who continued to say “Obama bin Laden”.

@Nabisco:
Someone should remind Mr Capone’s Vault that it’s do or do not there is no “almost.”

Sec of State’s speech was pretty grand.

i just came back from the pharmacy (crazy med monday people!)
and a realization came upon me:
he’s not in the ocean!!!
he’s in a basement lab somewhere in quantico, virginia.
carry on.