God to Texas: Drop Dead

Our guest petitioner is Texas Governor Rick Perry.


WHEREAS, the state of Texas is in the midst of an exceptional drought, with some parts of the state receiving no significant rainfall for almost three months, matching rainfall deficit records dating back to the 1930s; and

WHEREAS, a combination of higher than normal temperatures, low precipitation and low relative humidity has caused an extreme fire danger over most of the State, sparking more than 8,000 wildfires which have cost several lives, engulfed more than 1.8 million acres of land and destroyed almost 400 homes, causing me to issue an ongoing disaster declaration since December of last year; and

WHEREAS, these dire conditions have caused agricultural crops to fail, lake and reservoir levels to fall and cattle and livestock to struggle under intense stress, imposing a tremendous financial and emotional toll on our land and our people; and

WHEREAS, throughout our history, both as a state and as individuals, Texans have been strengthened, assured and lifted up through prayer; it seems right and fitting that the people of Texas should join together in prayer to humbly seek an end to this devastating drought and these dangerous wildfires;

NOW, THEREFORE, I, RICK PERRY, Governor of Texas, under the authority vested in me by the Constitution and Statutes of the State of Texas, do hereby proclaim the three-day period from Friday, April 22, 2011, to Sunday, April 24, 2011, as Days of Prayer for Rain in the State of Texas. I urge Texans of all faiths and traditions to offer prayers on that day for the healing of our land, the rebuilding of our communities and the restoration of our normal and robust way of life.

IN TESTIMONY WHEREOF, I have hereunto signed my name and have officially caused the Seal of State to be affixed at my Office in the City of Austin, Texas, this the 21st day of April, 2011.

Governor of Texas

Gov. Perry Issues Proclamation for Days of Prayer for Rain in Texas [State of Texas, via ThinkProgress]

@redmanlaw: If I were, like, a real reporter, I’d look into whether climate change has anything to do with this.

Allowing, of course, that the Dust Bowl had its own causes.

Hey. Facebook now wants me to provide phone numbers and penis size, erect and flaccid, to log in. No can do. Of course if Steve wanted it (or Johnny Earle – 9 and a half/top/flexible/into motel wrestling / long walks on the beach/alien interventions and Tostoy) I might consider it but this would seem to chime with Europeon launch of Fuckbook IPO so include me out.

@nojo: Mrs RML’s hometown has only enough water for 90 days or less in its reservoir, which is fed by snowmelt from the mountains above the town and I as mentioned earlier today, we hardly got any snow this past winter. Fucking lame ass local reporters don’t give a fuck about covering the story, which is like a deathwatch or an impending asteroid strike that Bruce Willis can’t stop. I think it’s a hell of a story – what do you do when you know the town is doomed?

Long term climate projections for the Southwest say this place is going to dry up like a goddamn cinder by 2035, so we’ll be seeing a lot of little towns fail as the water dries up. Next significant moisture won’t be here until the July thunderstorms.

BREAKING HARD: Nevada Sen. Ensign to resign tomorrow.

w/r/t Gov. Good Hair praying for rain – has he asked for assistance from the terrible evil federal guv-ment yet?

@redmanlaw: Ironically, Sandy Eggo just declared an end to our years-long drought. Because we’re so pious here.

@SanFranLefty: Thus depriving us of a whole lotta fun.

The real question I want to see somebody ask Gov. Goodhair is, “so, what did YOU do to call down the wrath of Gawd on your state?”

After all, there’s always somebody willing to say stoopid shit like, “New Orleans got hit by Katrina because of teh gheyz! Repent!” so surely there must be an equally “logical” explanation here from the fundies…

Not enough tax cuts to the oil industry and rich people.

@ManchuCandidate: Hey, Obama is on board for more drilling for oil off Tejas! Mazel tov, motherfuckers.

I’m off to see Merchant of Venice with F. Murray Abraham. Report to follow.

@Dodgerblue: Better there than off the coast of Santa Barbara. Red states want their oil industry to destroy their environment and local economy, they can go for it.

ADD: Stevie Ray Vaughan, one of the greatest guitar players of all time, doing a long version of “Texas Flood”

I’m sorry Wick Pewwy. But God doesn’t answer prayers for rain.

And this can be proved by the number of times the (allegedly) Reverend Fred Nile has prayed for rain on the Sydney Mardi Gras parade, and the number of times it has rained on the Mardi Gras parade without the forecast predicting rain well ahead of the event. Tosser.

And since when has 3 months without rain been a drought? It take years here to be drought declared.

I believe god will hold out for some human sacrifice – – that’s also a way to thin out the herd of welfare recipients.

@redmanlaw: given enough money, i’ll gladly build you guys a pipeline to get all the water from here on rocky top to new mexico or where ever you are. it rains hard here for 36 hours straight once every week. mowing my grass this sunday after a deluge from thursday night through saturday afternoon, i noticed water still flowing through my front yard past another yard and into the woods where frogs had taken advantage of the situation and were singing joyously. a pleasant sound i might add. i don’t mean to make light of your situation, but this is simply a symptom of global warming which folks here bouts still refuse to recognize. all the extra precipitation we have been getting for the past few years has meant much more snow in january and early february which to the home schooled teapublican’ts here means there is no such thing as global warming. for three weeks in a row now devastating tornadoes have ripped through oklahoma, arkansas, mississppi, alabama, georgia and the carolinas killing more than 100 people now. theses areas have suffered 100 times the average number of tornadoes this year already. luckily the winds miss east tennessee meaning god is on our side obviously. hopefully he will stay on our side come fall because i am damn tired of losing football games to the schools in the states just mentioned. weather patterns are changing here in the good ole usa moving to extremes of moisture or drought and heat or cold meaning even more catastrophic changes are in store, yet the teapublican’t house just passed a bill questioning whether these changes are man made and doubting the science behind global warning.

slowhand and duane:

@jwmcsame: I saw a hunting magazine article on the decline in wild turkey populations in part of the South due to the cold and wet weather that is affecting spring hatches.

Meanwhile, caribou populations in sub-arctic areas are also crashing, but the hunting magazine article I read blamed it on predators (solution: shoot more predators, of course). Not one word about how the population decline might in any way be related to climate change.

@redmanlaw: each news outlet bows to their corporate masters who ban any mention of global warming and who caused it. kinda like the catholic church in europe back in the day retarding the advancement of science for centuries. scientific advancements are hard enough to come by without having to fight through false myth based human bias, yet that fight must always be fought first before we can accomplish any advancements in any field other than telephones, tvs, and computer games. the big pond in front of my office used to fill up with canadian geese and many kinds of ducks this time of year. today there is one pair of geese and someone was here taking a cell phone picture of them like they had never seen such before. are migratory flight patterns being affected as well?
in my childhood home a lake was created by damning up a creek that flowed close by. of course a neighborhood was built on and around the lake. the folks who moved in there always complained about the honking geese and their droppings even though they invited the geese there when they built the lake. these same folks can buy a home next next to an interstate and never complain about the noise of passing cars and trucks, sleep like a baby right through that torture each and every night, and never think twice about breathing exhaust fumes 24 hours a day.

@jwmcsame: these same folks can buy a home next next to an interstate and never complain about the noise of passing cars and trucks

Or rent.

Although in fairness, the airport drowns out I-5.

Texans’ main problem has always been that they don’t pray enough.

@nojo: i once played, starred really, in a softball league on a field at the end of an airport runway in D.C. i think it was national (aka reagan if i’m not mistaken). i didn’t take me long to figure out i needed to take pitches or step out of the batters box until a plane was landing to unleash my cobb/rose/helton-ish swing even though i didn’t really need the help.

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