President Newt is Coming for Dinner

Newt Gingrich is ready to be President.  Now that we’re looking at the prospect of  a  government shutdown,   Gingrich gets to reminisce about the last time he was popular, which was right before the last government shutdown. He’s convinced himself that he maybe can beat Huckabee and Palin and all of the other Fox News Commentators in a primary run.  After this, his tea party will Dress Up as Indians and throw that bad man off of the White House like a big bag of black tea.  Or, that’s how I imagine it playing out.  Anyway, the dude became the first major contender to start an exploratory committee, which is just an early way of saying election committee.

Newt recently said that: “2010 was the appetizer”  and added that “2012 is the entrée”  which means that his presidency will be the delicious truffle at the end of the smörgåsbord of a year that is a Presidential election.  This is just like how his affair with a congressional aide was an entrée after the appetizers and salad that were his first and second wives, and the palate-cleansing sorbet that was his second wife’s cancer.   Of course, Newt might not remember that past meal as well, since he was too busy watching the neighboring table, where Bill Clinton was trying to clean up the stains left after his own kosher feast with Monica Lewinski, or something.

19 comments:

11:59 am • Tuesday • March 1, 2011

Here we go …

***SIGH***

12:03 pm • Tuesday • March 1, 2011

FASHIONISTA BREAKING NEWS: Dior fires designer John Galliano, after video emerged of him screaming anti-Semitic rants at a bar in Paris. The theory JamieSommers shared yesterday as to why Best Actress winner Natalie Portman switched to a Rodarte dress for the Oscars at the very last minute (she had just signed a contract to be “the face of Dior”) was correct.

She said: “I am deeply shocked and disgusted by the video of John Galliano’s comments that surfaced today. In light of this video, and as an individual who is proud to be Jewish, I will not be associated with Mr. Galliano in any way.”

12:19 pm • Tuesday • March 1, 2011

@SanFranLefty: I want to see Natalie in an IDF uniform to see if she meets the standard set by the brave women soldiers of Israel.

12:19 pm • Tuesday • March 1, 2011

I think he filled up too much on 1994 and needs to go on a diet.

12:42 pm • Tuesday • March 1, 2011

@SanFranLefty: Also, what happened to Rufus Wainwright?

12:44 pm • Tuesday • March 1, 2011

@mellbell: Oh sweet merciful baby jeebus please make it stop.

1:00 pm • Tuesday • March 1, 2011

@mellbell: A tribute to Elton John, circa 1978?

1:14 pm • Tuesday • March 1, 2011

@mellbell: TLo said it best: “Here at last is the long-awaited illustration to go with the Wikipedia entry entitled ‘Douche (Gay).'”

1:31 pm • Tuesday • March 1, 2011

Newt Gingrich and food analogies. I think I’ll skip lunch.

The Glutton

1:39 pm • Tuesday • March 1, 2011

@mellbell: Louden wrote an ode to breastfeeding for him called “Rufus is a Tit Man.”

1:39 pm • Tuesday • March 1, 2011

In further news of insane Georgians: New birther bill to take Unicorn off the ’12 ballot unless he shows that birth certificate.

I am beginning to wonder if I ever should have signed that contract on the house.

1:51 pm • Tuesday • March 1, 2011

@rptrcub:

I vote we send Biden down there with a couple hundred certified copies of the birth certificate and an industrial staple gun. Every legislator that votes for that garbage of a bill gets one on the forehead. :)

2:06 pm • Tuesday • March 1, 2011

tj/ One of our tribal clients got a restitution check from Jack Abramoff today for $27 and change from his pizza gig. Another 925,000 checks like that and his clients will be made whole. Yay, justice system.

2:09 pm • Tuesday • March 1, 2011

@redmanlaw: Frame it.

2:14 pm • Tuesday • March 1, 2011

@redmanlaw:
Did they change Jack’s sentence to a lifetime of writer’s cramp?

I’m still surprised that most of his buds aren’t in jail.

2:32 pm • Tuesday • March 1, 2011

I think a Newt / Kitty Harris ticket would be fun.

3:36 pm • Tuesday • March 1, 2011

Meanwhile, the Short-Fingered Vulgarian won’t be formally announcing his Presidential ambitions until after his Comedy Central roast.

Fun detail: In those now-online Spy issues, Trump was flirting with Prez Talk twenty years ago.

4:35 pm • Tuesday • March 1, 2011

@nojo: Wait I’m confused–our new Da Mare is bailing already?

5:24 pm • Tuesday • March 1, 2011

@flippin eck: That would be the Very Short-Fingered Vulgarian.

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