If They Only Had Hearts

Former Vice President Dick Cheney announced yesterday that he’s considering “going for” a heart transplant, making it sound like getting a new ticker is as quick and easy as popping in to $tarbuck$ and getting a cup of shitty coffee. The reality of heart transplants, however, is that there are usually thousands more people waiting for a heart than are available, and waits can take years.

Cheney, as a 69-year-old former government employee, will have his transplant paid for by the evil socialist health care program known as Medicare, with any unpaid amounts covered through his federal government pension and his Halliburton millions.

Meanwhile, in Arizona, a second Medicaid patient who had been kicked off of transplant lists by the State has died.  Among the transplants that were eliminated by the state Medicaid system (which goes by the Orwellian name of the Arizona Health Care Cost Containment System) were heart transplants for individuals with cardiomyopathy, a disorder in which the heart muscle itself hardens.

[Insert Cheney joke here]

Ain’t America great?


I’m surprised they’d even let him on the list at 70.

Republic columnist writes that state legislators ask him to stop calling them a “death panel”; he says he will when they stop acting like one.

“Dick Cheney Eats Babies” goes without saying.

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ:

I wonder if Mr. Adams carries around his balls in a wheelbarrow – one would presume so, given what it takes to whinge about being called a member of a “death panel” when one is in fact a government bureaucrat deciding that people should die for the sin of being poor.

I had a dream last night where Jamie was appointed Governor of Arizona because somehow she was third in line for succession. Congrats to you in that alternate reality.

@al2o3cr: One of the GOP’s objections to HCR was that the death panels were federal, intruding on the states’ rights to make those decisions for the poor.

If only they had brains. It’s like being governed by a hate-crazed gaggle of retreaded Daleks. “Obey! Obey! Exterminate! Ex-ter-mi-nate!”

List? List? Hahahahahahahahaha! Lists are for the little people. Cheney will simply have a heart harvested for him.

@¡Andrew!: I thought you wrote retarded Daleks at first. I think we’d still have the same problem either way.

@¡Andrew!: @rptrcub: At the risk of invoking serious nerd ire, the Daleks are retarded. So are the Cybermen. The nostalgists need to let them go to make way for the modern Dr. Who villians that are actually scary, like people with gas masks fused to their faces or stone angels that can only move when you look away.

@rptrcub: I stopped using the r-word awhile back. Apparently, it’s similarly offensive as saying “that’s gay.” Still trying to find an adequate substitute, so I’m test-driving “retread,” which cracks me up.

@flippin eck: It’s a geek-off, eh? Are you talkin’ the New Series Daleks or the Destiny of the Daleks era models? I found TOS Daleks to be much scarier, mostly because they were more mysterious. Oh, and I was ten, which amped up the skaaaaaaaarrrrrreeeeee!

And while the Daleks were always an overtly nasty, blatant Nazi-metaphor, they actually were quite scientifically-minded and technologically advanced, unlike the know-nothing boobs that control our country.

Yes, mixed metaphors. I haz ’em.

@¡Andrew!: I confess I have no idea about Dalek evolution. I just think it’s hilarious that a rolling garbage can (excuse me, rubbish bin) is supposed to be scary.

ADD: Concerning the r-word question, I feel like there’s a difference because gay is still a neutral (supposedly) and acceptable adjective to describe someone of the homosexual persuasion, whereas retard is no longer a legitimate term for someone with mental disabilities. By that same reasoning, we shouldn’t be using moron, imbecile, idiot, or even feeble-minded either.

@flippin eck: And you’re right, those Angels are scary, but they don’t really seem to have an agenda or anything to do, other than scare us. I don’t get it. The Daleks had the good ole’ Control the U-ni-veeeeeerrrrsssssseeee motivation.

@flippin eck: In England, they called them pepper shakers. Still scary, though.

@flippin eck: I tried. I even read the Witheringly Exhaustive History at Nerdist.com. But I just can’t get into it.

Silent Creative Partner, meanwhile, just watched the Battlegeek miniseries, and is full of questions. It’s a good thing we’re friends, or I’d tell him all the answers.

@flippin eck: Did you know that those actually used to be real psychological diagnoses? Someone could have been a real Certified Moron. The terms were dropped when they entered widespread usage. ’tis to laugh.

@nojo: Oh boy, I hope he has an hour or four hundred to get caught up. And then there’s Caprica.

@nojo: I was thinking about starting to watch Lost, but then I remember how pissed off peeps were about the series finale, and then I think “ohfuckit.”

Reminds me of Homer Simpson’s tweet “Hey the Lost finale is tonight. Can anyone tell me what it’s about, and what’s happened over the last six years?”

@¡Andrew!: Peeps were pissed about entire seasons of Lost.

I watched the finale, and given how cheap some of the plot solutions were, I figured the series isn’t worth it.

@nojo: Sorry, you fail at nerd.

@¡Andrew!: That’s my point. I feel like the outdated terms are fair game as insults since we would no longer dream of applying them to people with disabilities now. But maybe that’s just me rationalizing so I can still call people fucking morons.

@flippin eck: When I was in the college hoops band, I wore a tee that said “Former Nerd”. Which, of course, proved the opposite.

@¡Andrew!: @flippin eck: I can’t look at those old Daleks without thinking of the poor bastards stuck inside in a sweltering studio trying not to crash into the cameras. They were supposed to be scary?

@flippin eck:”That’s gay” is offensive in a derogatory context because people always say that in reference to something bad or stupid, which both externalizes and normalizes homophobia in the general population, and causes gay people to internalize homophobia and develop self-loathing and low self-esteem.

You’d think that they’d come up with something more contemporary that reflects more current hateful/hysterical trends, like “that’s Islamic,” or “he’s Koranic.”

@¡Andrew!: Koron.

You heard it here first. It’s a Stinque exclusive!

@flippin eck: “Retarded” was supposed to be the polite term, in its day.

That’s the thing about language: You can’t control meaning. It keeps slipping loose.

@nojo: Yeah, but “fucking retard” with the accent on the “re” was never polite.

@Dodgerblue: No, but “fucking mentally disabled person” doesn’t work at all. Yet.

I’m almost done watching Firefly. Do I remember correctly hearing that some of you peeps liked it?

It’s okay — I’ve watched worse — but the intro is absolutely fucking awful! That song makes my ears bleed and the narrative by Ron Glass makes me want to break things.

One of the great things about Dexter is the absolutely fabulous opening credits.

Well, I’m going to watch V tonight to see if there are any further anti-Obama/Demrat subtexts beyond the universal health care the Visitors are offering.

Likely, he’ll fly to someplace like Kazakhstan with a bag of cash and a revolver, step off the plane, drive into down with an entourage of handlers, pull up in front of city hall and fire into the crowd and take down 12-20 candidate doners who will be tested in the US for tissue compatibility. Handlers will throw the candidates in iced coffins and toss bags of counterfeit cash to their families. Local newspapers will report Cheney was in town for a little heath and wellness vacation.

@FlyingChainSaw: Kazakhstan? Why travel so far when Kansas would work too?

@SanFranLefty: Too many people with working video cameras on the cell phones, you know, able to transmit it to non-Fox video outlets who’d interpret it as something nasty.

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