White Trash Cars

Jalopnik asked me the question, so I thought I would ask my fellow Stinquers – what’s the most white trash car of all time?  One Jalopnik commenter beat me to my choice – the Chevy El Camino.  So what’s your choice, and what white trash car have your owned? Mine is probably the Olds 88 wagon I owned for about a year, complete with fake wood trim and a leaky aftermarket sunroof.


@redmanlaw: Such an odd vehicle … it’s too nice to throw damaging stuff in the bed – vs. an F-250 – used to borrow a friend of mine’s, and we’d throw shit in the bed aiming to DO damage, it was a point of pride. Granny gear and 4 speed – you could not kill it. 20 years later it’s probably still running and a farm truck somewhere in rural MD.

I love Chevelles.

I had an orange Dukes of Hazard Charger (minus The Loser Flag), so I think I win. Somewhere I’ve got a picture of it with toddler tie dye wearing Jr in front of it. Jr has the scanner, but I’ll post it in the sandbox one day.

AMC Gremlin Levi’s edition.
Gold Ford Pinto With 8-track
I did not personally own these, but knew the owners
And on occasion rode in both of them.
(Oh yeah, and Donna if you are reading this Ford Econo Van)

My dad had an awesome 1967 Ford F-150, a used former Forest Service truck with stepsides that had a Sherman tank in its lineage somewhere. It was like one of Baked’s dogs, a well tempered beast. Best part – open the hood and all you saw was an engine. We used it to haul wood and hay and stuff around the rez. I’d drive it to school once in a while or go cruse the backroads blasting the Stones or the Cars out of the cassette deck we put in the glove box.

I believe he sold it to some gentlemen from Mexico after it sat around for a while in the weeds out back of the house. Dudes saw it when they were out there working and would not stop bugging him about it until he gave in.

There’s a faded sky blue ’72 F-150 for sale down the road. We’re gonna get something like that for Son of RML and I to work on for his high school sled.

@texrednface: Levi’s Edition AMC produce = WIN. You win any white trash contest there is …. remember wanting a LE Gremlin when in high school. What a mistake that would have been …

See? Now I’m distracted from my show. Zombies vs. Cars. Ugh.

For my birthday, I’d like a Karmann Ghia cabriolet. Pink. Please and thank you. I’ll also take one that doesn’t run, a fully loaded Snap-on locker, some parts cars, a garage, and another set of hands.

With the ways things have been going all my life lately, I’m thinking I’ll be fending off zombies before I ever see that car.

@JNOV: Karmann Ghias were and are deathtraps. Seriously – some of them actually snapped in half just behind the seats without even being hit.

@blogenfreude: I know. And I’ve had the pleasure of driving around a glacier lake in a Monza. (Dated a dude whose dad collected Covairs.) It was worth the experience. My dad and I were supposed to work on a Karmann Ghia and drive it across the country together.

ETA: Back to zombies now. This zombie/car thing is more difficult than being poly.

Ford Pinto. It died on I95 approaching New Haven. I spat upon its corpse.

@texrednface: I drove a ’78 Ford Econoline van in high school. Shag carpeting everywhere, including the walls and the roof of the van.

Which leads in to my tip to @redmanlaw w/r/t a car for Jr: Pick the vehicle wisely. I was always popular at parties with classmates who wanted to “borrow the keys” to entertain their hook-up of the evening for a while. At least five people lost their virginity in the van (no, not with me!).

When the van’s a rockin’…don’t come a knockin’…

When I was a kid growing up in nowheresville Canada City, it was the Trans Am. Not the Camero because it was considered an Italian car (a gino-mobile.)

Stinquers, I’m shocked. Where is the spirit that brought us together? The simple decency owed one to another? Blog? Prom? FCS? Manchu? All our honored Str8 men? (Noje is dicy, as I’m sure you’re all aware. An enigma wrapped inside ALW’s greatest hits. Ditto IanJ, or as I like to call him, Tiny (not biologically speaking) – who might be our first ex-gay. It’s not for me to judge. He’s a big lad who likes something hot and throbbing between his legs. I wish him well.)

Very well. If no one else will say it then I will.

I’d hit it.

@SanFranLefty: My parents had a Econoline of about the same vintage for our rather large family. Thing was a saltine box on wheels and shit on ice and snow because it was too light. I got it stuck in the mud the night of my junior prom, thereby killing all the after-party plans wif our dates.

@redmanlaw: No. I did like the wimmins back when. About which I have overshared in the past so we don’t need to revisit motels in Tennessee. But this? No. I was merely stepping up to the rack.

But that is so sweet: your van broke down so no one got laid. And also so deeply disturbing. You all know how much I adore you funny people but these rituals you have! While us normal boys were fagging for Dick Day, head boy of Dutton’s who liked his jam spread thick, if you know what I mean, you were all out booking motel rooms. Not to be judgmental – as you know, that is not my way – but that’s kind of creepy. Just thinking about the bedspread makes me shudder. As does marmalade.

I have wanted an El Camino for as long as I can remember.

@Benedick: Oh, do NOT mention motel or hotel bedspreads! ::shudder:: That’s the first thing to hit the floor when I enter a room. I should carry tweezers or rubber gloves (yes! rubber gloves!), because I touch as little of the corner as possible when I remove it from the overused bed. I am not a germphobe.

I’m a I Didn’t Fuck You, So Fuck Your Crusty Jizz phobe.

Have you seen those shows when they blacklight hotel rooms? There’s jizz on the ceiling! On the lamps!

I have to take to my jizz-free, through no fault of my own bed now.

Pontiac Firebird with the screaming chicken on the hood. Comes with coupons for the mullet hairdo.

@Dodgerblue: I was so close to a Firebird convertible in ’97 before I bought my beloved Taurus SHO. What does that say about me?

@blogenfreude: We all have moments of poor judgment. The SHO was a helluva car. I like stealth machines, no garish wings, paint colors or cheesy badging, that can suck the doors off a Corvette.

“NDN Cars” by Keith Secola


My car is dented,
The radiator steams,
One headlight don’t work,
But the radio can scream,
I got a sticker,
It say’s “Indian Power”,
I stuck it on my bumper,
That’s what holds my car together,
Were on the circuit of an Indian dream,
We don’t get old,
We just get younger,
When were flying down the highway,
Riding in our Indian Cars,

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/k/keith_secola/#share


@Benedick: My Pinto ran great, right up to the moment I totaled it in Hood River.

@nojo: Ours ran great for years, until we sold it off to a high school kid in 78 or so. My buddy’s family Pinto ran great until we ran it into a wall coming home from a Ramones show. Fortunately the cop who showed up (a) realized the other driver was falling down drunk and (b) saw the case of empties in our back seat and simply told us to dispose of them as we drove carefully home with a bent up front end. Ah, the 70s….

@Benedick: I’ll take your Tiny, and raise you a throbbing mention in the latest Penguins script. Enough to make just about anyone scream with delight, if you know what I mean.

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