Mujeres al borde de un ataque de nervios

From the Stinque Department of Lady-Bits, here’s a palate cleanser of Penélope Cruz to refresh all of us (including the ladies) of the week’s worth of mental images of an anti-abstinence grifter Delaware teabagger. (Not to mention heartland conservative women on fire, which Nojo’s title inspired this post).

And since I’m all full-servicey, a little something something of Ms. Cruz’s esposo Javier Bardem is after the break:

I know that some of the Stinque gheyz prefer the hairless look, but if you’re going to have a brooding Spaniard, he fits the bill.

They are the hottest Spanish couple next to World Cup Hotties Iker Casillas and Sara Carbonero.

This has been your moment of eye candy Zen. You’re welcome. Happy Friday.


THANK YOU! After all of this Christine whats-her-name I was started to actually think masturbation is wrong.

/raises hand/

May I request Paz Vega instead?

/memories of Sex And Lucia/

And they’re expecting!!! How gorgeous is that baby going to be?

When she’s speaking English her Spanish accent sounds so sexy to my American ears, and when she’s speaking Spanish her Spanish accent sounds incredibly sexy to my Mexican ears. Mmmmmm…. this woman just can’t not sound sexy.

And as for Bardem: for anyone who hasn’t seen Before Night Falls, stop what you’re doing right now and add it to your Netflix cue. It’s one of the most beautiful movies I’ve ever seen, a moving, sumptuous, lugubrious, and deeply human portrayal of the life of Cuban poet Reynaldo Arenas.

Lefty, I am impressed as always with your sensitivity and good taste. I don’t think there is any aspect (0r part) of Ms. Cruz that is not perfect.

@Serolf: LURVE that movie!!
@Cynica: I know, right? That kid is going to rival Halle Berry’s offspring and the Heidi Klum/Seal children in terms of hotness genes.
@Manchu: Instead? Maybe in addition but not instead.
@FCS and Dodger: My work is done here…

Thank you SFL! At long last some individuals Benedick might include in the category of pretty people. Possibly Steven Hawking can explain the universe away in strictly scientific terms, but in my opinion Penelope Cruz and Paz Vega are powerful arguments for intelligent design.

@FlyingChainSaw: I think that’s all I would be able to say if I ever met her.

i hate to do this, but…i sat next to penelope and matt mcConaughey at a beach restaurant. he had his shirt tied around his neck, i think he’s carved of marble. i think i ate my napkin.
people…she looks like a FERRET in person and w/out make-up. matt on the other hand, was dazzling to look at even if he’s a mite creepy.
please pass me the brooding spaniard. grrrrrowf !!!!

@HF i KNOW!!! christine has the cure for sex–her voice. who can even pay attention to her babble when you’re holding your ears and screaming, make it stop, pleeease make it STOP !!!

ok, fine…an attractive ferret. but she is not what you think au natural. and she has a sweet good natured smile. not a “how dare you gaze upon me, peon!” attitude.

Now, I’ll think of her as a Sexy Ferret.

have i mentioned i actually did see halle berry? i’m senile and can’t remember when i’m repeating myself anymore. in the drs. office of all places. she is all that and more. the most beautiful woman i have ever seen. or will ever see. (i think i reported this on FB)
skinny jeans, gladiator sandals,white t-shirt, looked like hanes, and a denim baseball cap. no make-up, not a smidge. not like i was paying attention or anything. unlike penelope, she was scrunched into a mag and didn’t want to have to smile. it was a drs. office! she had an ailment! the bodyguard that took up the room didn’t look sick.
freakishly stunning.

and thank you lefty…i have been in love with Javier a very long time.
and he just keeps getting hotter! oh my dear FSM….would it be inappropriate for me to pray tonight for one shot at him? you know, like when we’re really really in-the-home old maybe?
on yom kippur?

I guess I’m the only one here, w/ the possible exception of Baked, for whom the Spanish Toothsome Twosome doesn’t do anything.

the comedienne, caroline rhea, used to do almost an entire stand-up about him. Bella is eating the wall. no really.

@baked: If there is a more beautiful woman than Penelope, it is Halle.

i got a front row view…it’s halle, no contest. adjust your fantasies accordingly.

Breaking: Mexicans from Valenzuela want The Bomb.

@Dodgerblue: She is called “Duck Faced Girl” in the RML household.

My dad was asked several times by his friends to to return to South Korea and work on a “special” project back in the day when General Park ran the show. My dad knew what it was as my dad’s specialty was fuel handling and processing plutonium… Dad wisely passed. The CIA wasn’t really nice when they discovered the “special” project.

@redmanlaw: Go ahead and mock her. You take yourself out of the running, it just cuts down on the odds for me.

@redmanlaw: Here I’d been thinking “goose,” but “duck” is on the nose. That being said, she’s a fine actress.

where’s the screen spit button???

excellent…and it sounds like something cyn would say!

check for photo updates in the sandbox on the baby weeds you all saw as seedlings. the damn things are at least 12 feet tall! i am a slave to them. they suck up water like audrey 2. that’s what i do all day. beg the pup to pee outside and water the weeds.
carry on

As Bessie says in Awake and Sing! “A woman with a nose from here to Hunt’s Point but a very fine player.”

@Benedick Arnuldsson: Hey, as a female of the long-nosed persuasion, I resemble that remark.

If I were around Penélope Cruz I would have an irresistible urge to feed her apples and sugar cubes.

Just sayin’.

Here is some smooth hotness.

TEAM SALMA! Although, Penelope has been growing on me lately. I might forgive her for dating psycho Tom Cruise. Maybe.


TJ/ Elaborate 21st b-day party for Jr to be held on his campus tomorrow. I’ll be up cooking a 5 am, picking up local friends to take to elaborate party, blah blah blah. Huzzah. Boo! Yay! I guess I’m confused.

ADD: Salma is a Woman of Exceptional Health!

@JNOV: So, like me, Jr. is a Christmas baby.

I looked it up once and, at least in the U.S., there is a quite detectable surge in birthdays nine months after Christmas/New Years/Hanukah. Mid to late September has the highest birthrate of the year.

Jokes about stocking stuffers are welcome, but a bit easy.

@JNOV: I just impressed the fuck out of a flock of neighborhood teens with a menu of steaks, grilled vegs, roasted potatoes for Son of RML’s birthday. He wanted a dinner party that was super informal with about an 80 percent change in the guest list to include the pierced little 7th graders from across the street checking in in their sister asleep with their drunk mom in the house and a guy whose grandma just died in his house when he went home, also across the street.

@All: I’m sure Jr would thank you if he weren’t buried under a shitton of school work. I thank you on his behalf.

Oh, and that “elaborate 21st birthday party” has devolved into pizza, sodas loaded with HFCS and a showing of Grizzly Man. I just couldn’t do it this morning. I don’t even know if I have it in me to (ugh) buy a cake. I make ’em; I don’t buy ’em.

Alas and alack, this teaching thing is kicking my ass, but I love it. But, seriously, managing a classroom mix of adolescents and non-traditional students is, er, challenging. I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but I would like to be paid more than $575/credit hour.

@Walking Still: Yup. He began cooking on Christmas Eve. <– He knows this fact, and it makes him beg for brain bleach. And for a new mother.

@Walking Still: So, I assume birthday tidings are due to you as well?

Happy Birthday, Walking Still!

Your screen name is my new motto. When people see me dragging ass all day and ask me how I’m doing, I reply, “I’m still walking” and smile. At times I would like a Hoveround, and every time I see those motorized shopping carts in the store, I think about grabbing one for the helluvit. One day. One day…

@mellbell: And a great personality, as I understand it. Srsly, I’m glad to see some guys and gals coming together on the fact that Penelope Cruz is not the hottest hispano-female. Did someone mention Salma? Totally. Who’s that Colombian singer/dancer as well, she’s pretty fine.

@JNOV: Do they have Segways in your parts? Kinda goofy looking, but better than a Squat and Park rig like they have at Brambleton’s.

@JNOV: Thanks much. I’m a bit later. I share my birthday with Ray Charles, John Coltrane, Bruce Springsteen and my mother-in-law: September 23rd.

I’m already planning an evening of music and drinking.

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